


Law & Order

by chichirichick



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:42:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 33
Words: 74,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28817268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chichirichick/pseuds/chichirichick
Summary: Another SoMa AU: Maka and Soul have been what some might consider friends since sophomore year in high school - growing up practically side by side and always as a team. Now, as a lawyer and a cop, they often end up on the same side, but their personal boundaries are starting to crumble. How long will all of it hold? trigger warning for non-con because of sexual assault in later chapters.
Relationships: Maka Albarn & Soul Eater Evans, Maka Albarn/Soul Eater Evans
Comments: 16
Kudos: 18





	1. Sweet Nothings

Maka had tried not to worry about Soul not being home when she got there. It would not have technically been out of the ordinary, even after making detective he rarely put in just the required nine-to-five on his usual days let alone when he was on-call, but this was only the second week of his required leave. For the most part, she'd come home just about every day to him nipping at her heels, dying for human interaction under the thin guise of being annoyed with her about some mundane thing that he'd brewed up during his daytime _not_ relaxing. Yesterday it had been how she folded his clothes after they had lingered in the dryer for a week, the day before a riveting critique of the new toothbrush holder she'd bought.

Regardless of the relief that he didn't have a new diatribe to release, the worry nibbled away. So, Maka did what she did best, strewed briefs, case reports, litigation notes all across the coffee table and tried to tie her cases together one by one. Losing herself in work was the only sure-fire way she could stop thinking about him. Or at least the way she _tried_ to. Even with her nose pressed into paperwork, half her brain was still working away about that mop-haired, grinning fool, the scar across his chest, and the one he most definitely carried in his heart.

When the door did open she resisted the urge to just book it, to tackle him somewhere between the doorway and the living room and force him to hold her for at least five minutes. Instead, she put on her best look of exhaustion mixed with mild annoyance and waited for him to step through the entryway.

On cue, Soul appeared, but the negativity she was trying to have plastered on her face instantly melted to pure joy as he swung the take-out towards her. "Looks like I came just in time," he smirked.

"Tell me you got Thai," she grinned up at him as she grabbed his pant leg in one hand and the bag in the other, moving it so that it wasn't resting on tomorrow's case file.

"Your favorite." He tried to shake her off his leg but it was no use, Maka just using her hold to get close enough to wrap an arm around his knee. "Hey, you trying to kill me?"

"Just showing my undying appreciation," she hugged both knees as he played in her blond tresses. Between the faked huffs and his fingers weakly pressing through her hair rather than actually smashing her face away, Maka contented herself with the hold, refusing to relinquish it.

"Let me go or you'll never get a fork," he muttered.

Maka unwrapped her arms but still kept two hands firmly clutching into the sides of his pant legs.

"You want a beer?" Soul tried to offer to encourage the loosening of her grip as he managed to get one step back. Her arms were now oddly outstretched and he was sure she'd let go, but her face suddenly lifted up to look at him, a frown resting on that pouting lower lip. "What?"

"Where were you?" The question wasn't tentative and neither were her fists as they clenched tighter.

Soul looked around the room for inspiration before letting his eyes drift back down to her. "I went to see my mom."

"Oh," Maka worked her bottom lip between her teeth. "Are you OK?"

"Was trying to be," he shrugged. "Thought you, me, take-out, a movie, and I'll be OK."

"Then you get to pick the movie," she chimed as she released his pants but not his heart.

Soul stared down at her, letting the sigh bring the smirk back to his lips. "So beer or no?"

"No," she wrinkled her nose.

Her eyes were busy watching her hands rearranging her papers so Soul took the extra minute to stare at her, to watch the way her hair had started to come out of her thinking bun that always crowned her head when cases were tough, to appreciate the smile on her lips that maybe was just for him. Just before she finished clearing he was off, sauntering back to the kitchen to get the mentioned forks and his very necessary beer. By the time he got back, she had started the spread and was eagerly reaching up for her utensil. "What do you want to watch?"

"I told you, you pick," Maka shot back with a laugh. "And since when do you defer to what I want to watch?" As he sunk down to her level she surprised him, plastering her hand to his forehead. "You sure you're not sick? Don't have a fever…"

Soul batted her hand away as he grumbled, "I've watched all the shit I wanted to the first week at home and I know you picked up your pre-orders from the library, so go ahead."

Maka didn't give him a second to change his mind, hopping to her feet to scamper over to the rented DVD stack. They usually sat there after she picked them up from the library, definitely meant to be watched but forgotten between work and, well, _more_ _work_ until the threat of late fees brought them back. She mercifully picked the one he'd least suffer through, a detective noir that she knew would only produce a groan for the black and white. She popped it in and then plopped back next to him.

There wasn't a groan or really a reaction at all as Soul munched away, stealing bites off of his plate and hers much to her chagrin. She allowed it, especially as his lips started to stretch back into the comfort of that permanent smirk. Maka cleared the dishes and put away the leftovers, always the job of the person who didn't pick up the food and wandered back to find him stretched out on the couch. She paused at the sight as the easy grin came to her face.

With the break in the movie and absence of diversion, his eyes were on her almost immediately. "What?"

_It's the asking without asking, that's what. The way you pretend you don't need to be touched but you always end up wanting it._ "Make some room. After that Thai, I'm taking up a little more space." She patted her stomach and cherished the snort that it brought from him.

He scooted closer to the edge of the couch, leaving the crevice open for her as he rested his hands behind his head. It never stayed that way but Soul always played the same game, the begrudged loss of space to her. Maka fit perfectly next to him and after she'd finally finished sinking in, Soul let one of his arms drop around her shoulder as he used the other to hit play. Even though she was the one who picked the movie, Maka spent the rest of the time watching him watch it as she tried to decipher every last tell his body was giving away.

Soul's fingers were still antsy, drumming not very absently on her shoulder. His lips, usually just parted in a slight gape when he was really enthralled with the screen, were still pulled tight in a line. Even his heart seemed to thump with a few extra beats against her ear. So, she did what she always did, closed her eyes, slowed her breath, and went about convincing him she'd fallen asleep. By the time she could hear the music for the credits, his fingers were delicately running along her arm and his breath was playing at her hairline. He turned it off and then brought his other arm around her, pressing his cheek to her forehead as he heaved a breath that was too large for his body.

"I want to go back to work," he muttered, barely above a whisper but with her head against his chest, it was like surround-sound. "And seeing her today, bad fucking decision. I wish you would have called me an idiot when I told you." Maka didn't stir, didn't bat an eyelash because if she was asleep, he was talking. "But…" he squeezed her only a breath tighter but she felt it and had to push away the need to latch back. "This makes it OK. I wish you knew how much this makes it OK."

* * *

She was ignoring him and _nobody_ ignored him. Star offered a huff before he crowed from the doorway, "Look, Albarn, how long do I have to stand here before you can be torn away from your precious stack?"

Maka raised her eyebrows but not her eyes, "Star, last time I checked we weren't trying a case together so you standing in my doorway just means you must be here to admire my pretty face."

"Ugh," Star groaned. "Get over yourself. You've got jack-shit for tits and maybe your eyes are nice, but those hips?"

That earned him the glare he was aiming for. "That's sexual harassment."

"Bring it up to Stein the next time you see him if you're not too busy licking his boots." Star chuckled as he came the rest of the way in, plopping himself on the corner of her desk. "We both know I'm not here for you. How's Soul?"

Maka blew a huff of air through her bangs. "You two are seeing each other tonight. Ask him then."

"You'll be there," Star complained. "When you're there it's stiff-upper-lip and all that bullshit."

"I'm not going to be there," Maka laughed. "I have plenty of work to do and-"

He held a finger in her face, adding to the peeve and his point. "You'll say that until about nine when he'll text you after just two beers with me." Star rolled his eyes as he displayed a second finger. "Then, you'll cave and say something to the tune of 'OK, just one.'" A third finger took the last of her patience with it and she clamped a hand over his. "And last he'll end up piggy-backing you to the apartment while you whisper sweet nothings in his ear."

Maka snorted a laugh, "Sweet nothings? I thought I was the one who read lame romance novels."

"Hey, I call it like I see it," Star raised his hands.

"Then maybe you need glasses," Maka chimed as she brought her eyes back to the cases at hand. _Because he only whispers when he thinks I'm asleep and I… when I whisper, I wonder if it is sweet to him. Because for me it's…_

"See, you're thinking about it," Star prodded.

"I'm thinking about whether or not Soul would help me dispose of a body," Maka sighed as she leaned into the pile of papers. Star was eyeing her jovially at this point and while it killed her, she gave in. "He's super grumpy still. Hasn't talked about the eval, when it'll be, or anything. Hasn't even mentioned _when_ his forced vacation is supposed to be over and while Marie has a soft-spot for me even she won't spill the specifics. And…" Maka blew air desperately from her lips again. "He saw his mom for some reason. He won't tell me why. Just… I wonder if he's still thinking about what happened, about getting hurt, but the only thing I ever get from him is diversion."

"Oh, what kind of diversions?" Star raised his eyebrows repeatedly.

"Movies," Maka pushed back. "Take out, and sometimes runs to make sure he doesn't get overweight from all this loafing."

Star shook his head glumly. "Stay at work tonight. Let me talk to him."

At that moment, Maka would say yes, but she got the text at eight and she was there by nine. By twelve he was carrying her home. She loved it as much as she hated it and instead of sweet nothings, she let tears soak into the collar of his shirt.

"Hey, crybaby, cut it out," Soul muttered. "You know you're the worst kind of drunk." She clutched him tighter around the throat and he faked a gasp for air before bouncing her in his hands. "Hey, come on, Maka."

"You're unhappy," she sniffled.

"And I hired you to cry for me?" he chuckled.

"I hate that you can make jokes about it," she clung tighter and this time did squeeze out too much air, leaving him wheezing before he readjusted her against his back.

"Seriously, two beer maximum for you from now on," he whispered with a sigh.

Her sniffles started to subside only at their doorstep, only when he dropped her down to open the door and let her walk into his arms along with the apartment. She pressed her face against his t-shirt that he'd worn all day and had soaked up his scent, leaving her buried in him. "Let me come with you."

"To where?" Soul was trying to negotiate with her shoulders but it was no use, the blond head glued to its spot with no hope of letting go. He backed up a few steps so he could get the door closed behind them.

"To the eval. Or at least tell me when it is so I-"

"Think that's against policy, and you don't break rules," he wanted that sweet softness in his voice for her but found the words turned it all sour, even with the pleasant hum of her voice trickling against his chest. "I gotta do the eval by myself. No cheating."

"Then tell me when it is."

"No," he meant it but the power behind the words still crumbled.

"Soul," she groaned and one foot stamped.

"Maka," he was chiding her playfully but his hand was anything but, coming up to grip her neck and pull her out of her hiding space. "I give you a lot, but not that." As his hand drifted up, his thumb hit her lip, just barely tugging at the lower one. For a second, Maka was sure he would kiss her first this time, he would start the fall, but Soul sighed instead. "You're drunk, let's put you to bed."


	2. First Meeting

Soul didn't mean to. Opening his mouth was completely out of character to begin with unless it was a smart-ass comment or some low, guttural complaint but somehow it was the question that had caught him off-guard, made his tongue loose because the two of them? Easiest topic in the world and it was a clear way to diverge from what he was really there for: the psych eval Marie was making him do. By some grace of God he'd passed that initial, just becoming a cop one, something that had seemed like a tight-rope walk all those years ago. He had tried to tell himself this one was a piece of cake, that was until Mira, the unit head-shrinker, went ahead and asked, "What's been your longest relationship?"

"Maka," his mouth offered the name before his brain had time to catch up with it.

"And how long have you been…?"

Leaving that ending open was all you could do and Soul wasn't about to correct the drop-off. He didn't have a definition for what they were even if he had a monthly fight with himself over it. "We've known each other since sophomore year in high school." And that was when, instead of his tongue tying tightly back up, he let the rest take flight.

_Maka Albarn was many things: a teacher's pet, a master debater, and could devour books in the time it took most to get through the first chapter but what was she above all else? Friendly. Or at least that was the excuse she was making for herself as she followed the new boy down the hallway, who, with spiky white hair and glowing red eyes, stood out like a peacock among finches. It was almost class time and he was most certainly going in the wrong direction that she was honestly going to correct but also… he had just transferred here and the rumors had all started that he had to come live with his aunt because he'd gotten kicked out of every school in a 100-mile radius of his parents. Spoiled rich kid who liked to fight, cause trouble, probably sell drugs and get drunk in the boys bathroom. All the normal bougie but bored behavior._

_So she was going to catch him in the act. Which she did, if any of that behavior usually happened in the music room which he did technically break into with a lockpick, but didn't exactly damage the door. And if any of the behavior included making his way to the piano, a monstrosity used only for concert and settling comfortably on the bench to run his fingers along the keys. Maka blinked slowly as her eyebrows climbed up her head when those undecided fingers suddenly became master manipulators, running along the ivories to create a haunting, dark melody that, for a moment, urged tears to her eyes. It fed heartache into her chest and almost instant shame, forcing her to wipe the slate clean in her head. Whoever he was, he wasn't like any of the rumors, or at least not as far as that song was concerned._

_As he finished with a heaving sigh, Maka found the words forming on her lips regardless of the way they made her cheeks flush pink, "That was beautiful."_

_The boy jumped, definitely clutching to the bench to keep from tumbling off it as he slowly turned his head to her, those red eyes more white than anything else._

" _Sorry!" Maka took another step closer, offering her hands in placating peace. "I just… I saw you come in here and I don't know, you just started playing and I just kept listening and I…"_

_The boy blinked twice before his eyes shrunk back to normal size, a lazy grin starting at the corner of his mouth. "Thought I was up to no-good, huh?"_

" _Well," Maka started but all the momentum was gone as that grin exploded into a smirk. It shouldn't have, things like this never did, but it made her heart fight with her ribs, threatening to pop out into her hands._

" _S'OK," he shrugged as he turned back to the keys. "It's like this everywhere I go." Soft notes started to trickle out from underneath his fingers._

_For a girl who'd read every book ever placed in front of her, Maka struggled to put the words together as some kind of pull brought her another step closer to him. "It shouldn't be."_

_The boy froze again, all sound stopping to emphasize the soft sigh that he tried to strangle out before it left his lips. "What's your name?"_

" _Maka Albarn," she offered back quickly along with another step. "And I haven't heard your name. I only know the lies they've been telling about you."_

_She was close enough now to see his fingers tense, fists hovering over the keys instead of those gentle hands. "Soul Evans."_

" _Like heart and soul?"_

_He let out a snort of a laugh and suddenly he picked up the tune on the piano, playing out the old Hoagy Carmichael classic. "Yeah, that kind of Soul."_

_She waited and let him play out the melody until his hands fell away from the keys again. He turned and the way his eyes bobbed in surprise again made her guess he'd assumed she'd gone. His face only got worse as she smiled softly at him. "Can I come back and hear you play again tomorrow?"_

" _Tomorrow's Saturday," he wasn't going for the laugh but he got it from her and the way it trickled off her lips made his hands sweat._

" _Well, whenever you play again," she amended. Maka had to let her eyes fall away from his because that was the pinnacle of her courage especially in the face of a boy who couldn't seem to stop staring._

" _You could…" While he let the words off there were so many more on his tongue and fear was about to make him cut and run when he just gave himself a moment to look at her. Paying attention to other people wasn't his strong suit because, well, none of them ever paid attention to him at least not in the way he wanted. But looking at her, seeing her, he let it sink in that for a second, someone had seen him in a way he was pretty sure no one would ever see him again: as just Soul. "Monday. After school."_

" _I'll, um, ask Mr. Tlipoca if he could actually leave the door open this time."_

" _Where's the fun in that?" Soul answered quickly and it took no work at all to let another smirk blossom on his face and there was no killing it when she raised her eyes again and mirrored him._

"That's sweet," Mira replied, "So, high school sweethearts?"

Soul had painted himself into a corner and was ready to tell the usual lie: _We're just friends._

Mira noticed the pause and backpedaled easily, "Oh, sorry, so not romantic? Didn't mean to assume…"

"Everyone does." That was the only thing he was sure of, knew wasn't a lie or an embellishment in his head. Between her office and his, their friends, and even her dad, it seemed like a fact, a matter of time, but for him it was… "Even me. Mostly because… I've loved her all along."


	3. It's Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning, high angst... romance second. Sooooooooo... but still *sexual content* in this chapter.

"You're late," Maka called as soon as she heard the door open.

"Sorry, Mom," Soul crooned back playfully and waited for her to stick her head out of the kitchen.

On cue, there were those beautiful green eyes rolling at him as she huffed. "I told you I was making dinner tonight. Did something happen?"

"Nah," he tried to shrug it off but the acknowledgment had barely slipped off his lips before her eyebrows were furrowing and she was taking a full step into the hallway.

"Are you OK?"

_I said I loved you today. To someone else. And now… now looking at you makes me want to say it again._ "Yeah, it was nothing," he muttered and let a soft hand come to her arm to push her back into the kitchen. "What's for dinner?"

Her eyes wouldn't quit flicking from head to toe, trying to catch the source of that whiff of worry. "Lasagna."

Soul let the happy hum as he leaned into her, resting a chin on her shoulder. "How long do I have?"

"Take a shower." What he expected was her to shove him away, get him on the track to the bathroom but she let him lean, turning her face to catch him in her periphery. "Really, Soul, are you OK?"

"I seem different?" Soul had to lift his head, give her space because being that close always started a knot in his stomach. This was starting it anyway especially as her hand pressed to his chest and she turned to face him.

"A little," she narrowed her eyes at him. "It's…" Searching his eyes offered her nothing but just that smoldering scarlet. "Nevermind. Go shower."

Why weren't his feet moving? Why was he powerless there for a few breaths even after she'd let him off the hook? Instead, he reached up his hand, hesitating only for a minute before letting his fingertips graze against her cheek to tuck a bit of hair behind her ear. "Thanks for worrying about me."

Maka tugged it away, letting her fingers tangle in his for just a moment before releasing him. "Just… if you're feeling bad again, tell me." That delicate hand came back up to that memorized spot just below his shoulder where the gnarled white line started on his chest. "If you're-"

"I'm fine, Maka." He pressed his hand over top, craving the way her skin felt and wishing there wasn't a shirt between him and the pads of those fingers. "I'm going to shower." Even though she let him go, it was like her soul didn't, and he could feel her eyes on him even as he turned away and into the hallway again.

* * *

It was past Maka's bedtime but her footfalls were all over the hallway, into the living room, into the kitchen. Soul was slowly counting to one hundred, already having made the deal that if she wasn't settled by then he'd get up and try to corral her to sleep. It was his fault anyway because he was quietly trapped in his own head tonight, couldn't help it, but those were always the times she suffered the most. He'd learned the pattern: his silence always brought her closer and added desperation that filled something in him while still lacing his thoughts with guilt. _I wish I didn't get what I wanted when I didn't talk. I wish she'd punish me instead of rewarding me every time. I wish I had the fucking guts to break the cycle._

As his door opened, the guilt blossomed again because she was only wearing a t-shirt. Maka didn't bother knocking and her steps were nowhere near slow to the bed.

"Finished making a ditch in the hallway?" He managed a smirk as he sat up in bed.

"Don't joke," she tossed back quickly because there almost wasn't room for any more words.

Soul had one set of fingers crossed while the others rested on her waist as she gave him what he had wished for, soft hands coming to his bare chest as she climbed into bed with him. Maka didn't hesitate to straddle him, pressing him against the backboard. This was the moment that usually decided it all. If she jumped the gun, swallowing his mouth it meant he was trapped, that she would have him on her terms which was how most nights like this went now. But sometimes, just sometimes, Maka came in sweetly slow like they'd never done this before, like he didn't know what almost every inch of her skin tasted like, and she would wait for him to bridge the space, to set the pace that he wanted.

The strangest sensation, this burning urge to cry hit him momentarily as she hovered, her breath barely there against his skin. _Oh, I love you._ Soul fed that to her silently as he barely brushed his lips to hers, starting the kind of slow build that he cherished. Maka was always in a rush because, as he'd figured out over the years of playing this game with her, she didn't feel safe until they were tangled together, until there was no place where he started and she ended, just one, all together. _I just wish that she'd get that that's us all the time. Tangled together._

It was never a game of words, never asking or telling, just coming over to his room in nothing but a t-shirt. It was always those moments when Maka felt like he was slipping away completely and while Soul knew that, knew how wrong that was, he never once considered pushing her away. He loved the way her breath hitched, sweet starts and stops from her throat as he let his hands climb under fabric to clutch at skin. The way she murmured his name was more beautiful than any piano melody he'd ever create. His hands had this rhythm down pat and he played her perfectly with his fingers working between her legs.

He made it last, pushing her almost to the edge and sucking the frustrated cries from her lips when he'd stop the motion to hang on to her and to the moment. Because when her climax did come, he wanted her ravaged by it, barely breathing as she gulped for air to use to shout his name. It was the only time he was sure that she knew what it felt like to love her, how crushing that was for him. It was a weight he'd always bear and while it rarely felt like a choice anymore, he gladly did it.

He rolled her gently over in the bed, taking the time to fix the hair out of her face so he could capture that last cloudy haze of satisfaction in her eyes. Tonight she gave him a soft smile with it, a tender touch to the cheek that forced him to press his face into the crux of her neck. In the darkness behind his lids he was etching that to memory because these nights were few and far between, the ones that felt like maybe they were in love instead of just a jumbled mess. These were the nights when he could pretend that maybe in a few years they'd get married, they'd have kids, they'd move forward. That they weren't just _friends_.

Soul always looked at her when he entered her, watching the way her lips parted for a honeyed sigh that he liked to kiss off them. Maka wrapped her legs around him and urged those slow, gentle strokes into a tempo that would bring him to an end instead of the eternal drift he wanted. It was always over too soon, no matter how much he put it off, tried to keep it at bay, and for all the electricity that shot through him every time, it always dulled out almost immediately. Maka was always quick to get out of the bed when he finished, the excuse of cleaning up kept her from that look in his eyes. Everything about this was dangerous: from only relying on her birth control to never admitting that any of this happened.

When she came back to get her t-shirt, instead of letting his eyes speak for him his mouth actually managed to move. "Will you sleep here tonight?"

For a second she was a deer in the headlights, eyes wide and frozen mid-grab for the fabric on the floor. After a breath she was reaching again, tossing it over her head and fixing her hair out of the collar. "You want me to?"

_I asked, didn't I?_ should have been the smart comeback but all the pain of getting the sentence out was enough to dull his humor for at least twenty-four hours. "Yeah."

"Alright…" She smiled softly and drifted back to her room to add panties and a pillow before traveling back across the hall to find he'd made room in the bed and slipped back into his boxers.

It was euphoria laced with guilt and a healthy helping of sweet sadness as she curled into bed next to him, close enough that he could wrap an arm around her, and even worse, she allowed it. That feeling deepened as Maka melted into him, letting her spine curve perfectly into his chest. With his mouth tucked next to her ear, he whispered, "It was the eval today."

Maka sighed, "I told you that I would-"

"No," he cut her off quickly. "I needed to do it by myself." Punishment or reward for that came as her hand clenching tightly into his, fingers intertwined almost painfully. "It was OK. I think… I think I'm going to keep going back."

"Why?" There it was, clear as day, the sound of betrayal.

_Don't be like that, Maka,_ he almost whispered. Instead, he let out a slow exhale and watched the goosebumps form on her neck. "Because maybe I'm tired of bothering you with all this."

"It's not a bother," she quickly defended and threatened to turn but he held her tightly in place. "Soul, you can always talk to me," now she was pleading and he was almost sure she was on the verge of tears.

He dangerously dipped his nose into her hair, taking a deep breath of her and trying to convince himself that maybe he wasn't wrong, maybe this wouldn't end. "I know. But you ever think that maybe I… maybe, sometimes, I just want the happy stuff with you?"

Maka didn't have a reply, just her hand clutching desperately to his and trying to destroy every last molecule of space between them.


	4. Dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm setting you up with a million questions, and I swear there will eventually be answers. This is definitely going to be a long one.

" _Maka?" To be entirely honest, Soul barely had the skills to maintain this friendship for the past year and there was no more clear moment than that one: Maka, not just saturated by the rain but also the tears bubbling from her eyes, standing on his doorstep._

" _I'm sorry," sputtered from her lips but she didn't wait for the reply, pushing past him into the entryway._

" _No, uh, no big deal." Some etiquette was floundering back to him as he jogged to the hall closet, grabbing a towel and bringing it back to her in a flash._

" _I just," the words stuttered between a stop and start as she reached for the towel and helplessly clutched it to her chest. "I didn't know - I don't know-"_

" _Dummy, use the towel the right way," he interrupted her grumpily as he grabbed it from her, tossing it over her head to ruffle her hair. A few sniffles perforated the cloth as he gently worked it over her head while he collected his thoughts._ OK, she's crying. This is new, well, not totally new, but this is the first time she's doing it to your face and askin' you to fix it, so do it right, idiot. _Soul pulled in a slow breath as he let the towel drift just to below her tear-stained eyes. "You wanna stay here tonight?"_

" _What about Cheryl?"_

" _Away on business, what else is new?" he huffed. "And who gives a fuck about Cheryl. You want to?"_

_Maka nodded slowly._

" _Fine, upstairs." He spun her, leaving the towel around her neck like a scarf. Maka trudged up the stairs with his hands pushing her shoulders forward. He got her to his bedroom, only minutely feeling the shame of the tornado of clothing and sheet music that littered the floor but instead clinging to the nervousness of rifling through his drawers, picking out a t-shirt and shorts for her. "Here."_

 _Maka accepted them in silence and without another glance, he walked out of the room and started back down the stairs they had come, pushing into the kitchen with anxious breaths._ OK, what are you going to do? _He drilled, running play-by-plays in his mind while he started to boil water in the kettle as he set up a cup of tea for her._ You let her talk, right? That's what she wants to do, that's why she came here? You shut your mouth and don't give her any of that stupid attitude that you always end up spouting. Just be there, like you always want to be there. _Heat flushed his cheeks and Soul didn't have to look at his reflection in the window to know his cheeks were definitely an entirely boyish shade of pink._

_He waited long enough for it to steep, tossing the bag and carrying it like a ticking time bomb up the stairs, less worried about spills and more the scene he was about to walk into. Dressed in his oversized clothes, Maka was sitting cross-legged on his bed, hands still clearing errant tears off her cheeks. Her eyes popped in surprise as he offered her the tea silently and then sat next to her on the bed, back thunking against the headboard._

_She stared into the amber liquid, the humid warmth of the steam sweeping across her already burning cheeks. "I'm sorry," she repeated, but it warbled off with shame._

" _For what?" Soul rolled his shoulders absently. "Coulda called if you were worried about Cheryl but I don't care if you come here."_ Idiot! Don't care? You don't care? Oh, for fuck's sake-

" _Thanks," she smiled softly as she let her shoulder tap against his. "And thanks for the clothes, the tea."_

" _Yeah, no problem," he muttered, head still spinning with enough self-deprecation to last him a lifetime._

 _The clock ticked, her fingernail tapping just out of time with it against the porcelain as the ideas stuttered in her head._ You run to him and now what? _She forced her eyes away from the vibrations trailing over the top of her tea and looked to his face. His lips were pulled into a tight frown and she could see the gears turning and clanging in his eyes. "Hey," she murmured._

" _What?" He turned his eyes to her, blinking it all away instantly back to that blank slate, the look that he often tried to carry but had started to often fail in front of her._

" _You were thinking too hard."_

 _Soul huffed out a sigh, "Don't know why we're bringing up my problems when you're the one crying." The shame prickled on his neck and he had to slap a hand there, rubbing slightly as his mind yelled again._ Idiot! Could you go a second without trying to piss her off?

_She smiled weakly in reply before letting her eyes fall back to her tea._

Oh, fuck. Fuck me, fuck this, fuck how utterly fucking stupid I am and-

" _Um, could you…"_

" _Yeah?" The heat returned beneath his hand but it was more the trail-away from the renewing of his blush than the shame._

" _Don't tell anyone this, OK?"_

"' _Course I won't," he murmured._

" _Um…" Maka sucked in an impossibly long breath, her lungs and stomach aching from the fill almost as much as her heart. "My parents, they're getting a divorce."_

_Soul's gut withered, the only thing wanting to come from his mouth being an "oh" but he clamped it down with his teeth._

" _I, um…" Her warmed fingers from the tea came back to her face, pressing to her eyes to keep from becoming a sucker for the tears again. "I hate him. I don't know how he could do this to her but she's not any better because how could she do this to me? How can she just plan to leave me with him like I don't know what he did?"_

" _What'd your dad do?" Soul was trying to piece together the puzzle, his eyebrows knotting._

" _I'm not supposed to know," she laughed bitterly, "but he cheated because he's a slimy, disgusting-" Maka broke off with a sob._

" _Hey, OK, Maka." His arm wrapped around her shoulder, careful not to upend the tea but enough to pull her tightly next to him. "He's a dick, sure, and I guess any girl would be pissed to get cheated on so your mom-"_

" _Is leaving me!" The words exploded from her lips into his face, leaving Soul blinking. "I'm sorry," she gurgled through another sob. "I shouldn't be yelling at you."_

" _No big deal," he murmured and squeezed her shoulder again. "Who says you can't go with her?"_ As if you want her to! Imagine if she tells you right now she's moving halfway across the country, what the fuck would you do? _His stomach lurched and for a shameful moment, he felt the reply deep down in his bones._

" _Both of them agreed," she groaned._

" _You don't have an opinion?"_ What? You lookin' for a compliment? Like she's going to say 'Oh, Soul, I couldn't imagine leaving you, you're the most important thing in the world to me…' Yeah fucking right.

" _Or an option," Maka muttered._

_He sighed, his eyes lighting over her puffy cheeks to the way her lips trembled without words for once. "They tell you tonight?"_

" _Papa did," her lip wobbled again, barely sucking in breath, "since Mama already left."_

_That desperately beating mess in his chest tumbled down to toes. It only took a second for another wave of tears to mar her cheeks to send his heart spiraling off the bed and piddling pathetically to the floor. He didn't allow for the trembling doubt, banished that stupid dark voice that whispered in the back of his brain in moments like this, and plucked the tea from her fingers to place it on the bedside table. Once both of their hands were unencumbered her grabbed her, pulling Maka to his chest. All he could hope was that she didn't feel how he was trembling, or guess that his hands hadn't done anything like this in years, probably since he had training wheels on his bike._

_He was completely guilty of feeling relief as her body relaxed into his, her hands clutching at him instead of refusing, tight fists balled into the fabric of his t-shirt. "It's just not fair and I hate it and I can't do a thing about it and-" That hiccupped off into a sob and Soul tightened his grip. "Why?" she murmured woefully against his chest._

" _No idea," he mumbled, "but you're right, it's not fair, and you don't deserve it."_

" _It doesn't matter whether I deserve it or not," she sighed, "This is the way it is, and I… I hate it. It was lonely enough when they were together, fighting, but now…"_

_The words choked in his throat but he forced them, feeling them rip and tear in a trembling voice he almost didn't recognize. "Then you come here. If it gets like that, lonely I mean." He couldn't tell what was thundering more - her heartbeat of his especially as the silence hung between them._

" _Come here whenever I want?" Her voice was so tiny and fragile he could have shattered it with a breath, so he held his as she spoke. "Really?"_

" _Yeah, 'course," he murmured. "Because… I guess no matter what I'm gonna be around, OK?" When she lifted her head, she was barely a breath's distance from his lips and both of them succumbed to a flustered jump, creating distance between them and color on their cheeks. "Just-" he scrambled, arms slipping away from her but feeling that warmth calling back to him, making him regret the space but leave it in his shame. "Just go to sleep. Stay as long as you want and I'll listen if you want to yell some more."_

" _Wait." His face burned just as much as his wrist as she grabbed it._

" _You want to yell more now?" he tried to smirk even through the furious color on his cheeks._

" _I can sleep here?"_

_Soul laughed but it came out as more of a breathless gasp, "Well, yeah, duh."_

_Maka examined the bedspread, following the striped pattern with her finger and her eyes to avoid his. "Where are you going to sleep?"_

" _The couch, I guess," he shrugged helplessly, and even though he pulled enough that his wrist should slip out of her grasp she didn't relent._

" _Could you… stay with me?" Both her fingers on his wrist and the ones trailing the blanket tightened as if she could connect the two._ Please, please, please, _but Maka didn't even know what she was begging for, whether it was for him to let her down just like everyone else or for him to take some kind of leap._

" _Sure," he was certain his voice cracked but he was thankful that nothing further erupted from his mouth because a million and ten words were swarming on his tongue._

 _Maka didn't offer anything else but released her hold so she could roll away from him onto her side._ What are you doing? _A scared little voice peeped in her head._ Oh, don't lie like you don't want him to, need him to! Be honest with yourself, Maka Albarn! Maybe even be honest with him for once.

 _Soul slid down flat on his back, his eyes darting from the ceiling to hers. His hands, even though they were flat on his chest, felt entirely out of place, antsy like his fingers were on the wrong keys._ You're sleeping next to her, it's no big deal, dummy, just relax and try not to think of all the terrifying things that could possibly go wrong. _Instead, he sat back up, ripping at the comforter so he could tug it out from underneath himself before starting the work of doing the same to her. "Come on, not like you don't know how to sleep in a bed."_

_A weak laugh left her lips as she scooted until he could free the blanket. It came with a beautiful waft of his scent, leaving a fresh burn on her cheeks and a desperate sigh leaving her lips._

" _Don't tell me you're crying again," he muttered and as he brought the blanket to her shoulder and attempted to peer over her to catch a glimpse of her face._

" _No…" She turned her head over her shoulder, catching his eyes again as his hand planted firmly over the blanket. It was that moment that it hit her, that regardless of all of the melancholy wrapped tightly around her heart she'd give anything for him to kiss her right now. Her heart crawled up into her throat and all she could manage was, "Soul…"_

_What Soul was seeing in her eyes he would honestly pick apart for the next few years, thinking back to that moment too many times to count, but even with all his ineptitude, and even as he thought each one of the next words out of his mouth was completely wrong, the entirely right thing left his lips, "It's OK, Maka. Told you I'm staying."_

_While the courageous girl who never balked at any challenge couldn't bring herself to lift her head, to make her own wish come true, she did manage to clasp a hand over his and pull that arm back around her to tuck it carefully at her other shoulder. The way his chest fit perfectly against her back, the calming thump of his heart next to hers, brought momentary shock that fizzled into ecstasy. Even though the idea of physical warmth was completely alien to Soul, the realization of his need for it blossomed exactly at that moment._

"Maka, hey."

Her eyes opened and for a second she could swear she was still in his room at Cheryl's house, the floor still a patterned mess of discarded clothes and papers that mostly included sheet music.

"You were whimpering," his whisper came again against her ear.

The dream was still refusing to fade especially as his arm tightened around her, his head popping over her shoulder to study her face. "I was dreaming," she murmured back as hazy green eyes blinked up at him.

"Nightmare?" His hand moved to clear the hair from her face and Maka continued to turn towards him, letting Soul hover face to face with her.

"No, a memory." All of the feelings were still lingering in her but a new sadness was blending in to scream over the top.

His eyes narrowed like he could read it on her face. "You OK?"

Her lips parted for a shaky breath before she managed, "Would you kiss me?"

Soul's entire face unfurled in surprise. "Morning breath and all?"

"Yes," she nodded softly. Soul didn't hesitate, following her order with a tender sweetness that should have eaten away at the sorrow but instead fed it. _I can get it now, if I ask, if I want, but… I wish he loved me. I wish that was the reason why._

Her breath trembled over his lips as he pulled away and the tears threatened until his soft whisper started, "That's the first time you've asked."

As her eyes blinked open and caught his, her breath almost left her, seeing that sadness mirrored back to her on his face. "Should I not?"

She couldn't tell if he was clearing his throat or choking on the words but it took him a moment, leaving her bewildered to watch him try to stuff the grief somewhere unseen. "You should do what you want, Maka."

Maka had no immediate answer to offer and as she floundered for one her alarm started to blare from across the hall.

The panic must have been evident on her face because a chuckle left his lips as he slipped away from her. "Get going, Ms. Perfect Attendance."

For a second her fingers tensed into the sheets even with the conditioned sound and pressing need to fulfill that little-miss-perfect streak she'd carried her whole life. _Don't get up. Tell him. Ask for more. Ask for what you want instead of taking the easy out and, and, and, just do something!_ Instead, she shot up from the bed, throwing her feet over the edge with a groan. There wasn't any addition from his side of the bed, not even the ruffling of sheets and Maka forced her steps to make quickly for the door.

"Hey," he caught her with his voice just as she hit the threshold.

Maka turned and looked at him, her heart thrumming that same old particular tune at the sweet smirk on his face.

"I, uh, have a meeting with Marie today," he started hesitantly but the grin didn't leave him. "Think I can come by and we can do lunch after?"

All of her trembled at those words even more than his kiss, barely allowing the next bit out of her mouth. "What time?"

"I meet with her at eleven, bet she'll chew me out for a solid forty-five," he chuckled to himself but it wasn't contagious. "Then fifteen minutes of actual orders, so noon?"

She refused the urge to nibble at her lips, instead giving him a soft nod and an even quieter, "Sure."

They stared, locked on each other's eyes in the silence for a few synced breaths. "Hurry up, you're going to be late," he teased. "Just leave me some coffee."

Somehow she produced a healthy roll of her eyes as she walked out into the hallway, but her fingers were clenched tightly into her t-shirt as her heart pounded out the same old message. _I wish he loved me._


	5. Going Back

"Marie…" The knock came as a lame afterthought and immediately after Soul shoved his hands in his pockets. He'd hadn't bothered with the suit and tie, just about as casual as he could get in a hoodie and jeans because, well, he wasn't entirely expecting anything great to come out of this, especially with the scowl that greeted him.

"Soul Evans, at this point, you should be calling me Captain until you die," she grumbled before waving to the seat in front of her.

He shut the door behind him before walking in and withering to the chair, the heat of a thousand trash-fires, because what else was his life right now, flaring from her eyes. "Sorry, Captain."

She rolled her eyes, clearly not placated before resting her head in her hands. "One," she plopped a finger against her golden tresses at the hairline, "you come here not dressed for work."

"Well, _somebody_ said I wasn't allowed to work," he muttered under his breath.

Her eyes shot up along with that finger stretching across the table at him with an addition. "Two, I know you've been doing case follow-up because while the girls are good at lying, I'm a mother, so they'll never be good enough to fool me."

"Look, maybe I called once or twice-" Another finger cut him off.

"Three, Mira said that while you _technically_ passed the eval," she had to pause to roll her eyes at the smirk he was now giving her, "you didn't actually bring up the reason _why_ I made you take your break in the first place."

Soul lifted his eyebrows playfully. "Hey, what the hell happened to doctor-patient confidentiality?"

"Soul, I get that it wasn't on the job, but-"

"I got cut-up, Marie," it came as a gravely bark from his throat. "It was some fucked up kid but it was _just me_ , so who gives a fuck? The stitches healed, so I don't get why you all think there's some open wound I'm carrying around."

Marie snapped her mouth shut but only for a second before letting a sigh expel the words, "Because we both know it could have been Maka."

Soul swallowed each bitter word, not bothering to chew them because he knew the flavor well enough. It was something that echoed in his head at night, when he looked at her, when she wasn't with him because now, this very moment, it could all be happening all over again and he wouldn't be there. It wouldn't be his scar but hers and fuck did those talons tear away at him.

"And it's obvious from your face that you're not fine with that," Marie murmured.

He grimaced, "But you can't tell me it was getting in the way of my work."

"It wasn't," Marie sighed, "but it could - no, it _will_. So the only reason I'm letting you come back is because Mira told me you'd signed up for more sessions. On your own. No arm twisting."

"Again, doctor-patient confidentiality," he grumbled.

Marie let out a long, withering sigh. "Still makes me hopeful. Like you're going to get your act together, Soul Evans, because… you have so much potential."

"Thanks, mom," his smirk came back full force.

She sucked her teeth in reply before drawing in another breath, "Which is why I'm going to bring our age-old conversation up again-"

"No," Soul cut her off. "The answer's no. I'm not transferring, I told you."

"You passed the Lieutenant's exam."

"Thanks for telling me what I already know." He was about to perform an epic roll of his eyes but the way that her hands came down hard on the desk made him jump and then stiffen.

"Fine, so I'll tell you a _second_ thing you already know - you can't keep putting it off because of Maka."

A punch to the gut would have been softer.

"And I'm being irresponsible because this - the two of you - is absolutely a conflict of interest."

"Says the Captain dating the DA," Soul spat back with all the venom he could muster.

Without skipping a beat, Marie scoffed and threw her hair over her shoulder, "Oh, so you and Maka are dating now?"

Soul bristled and offered her only a grimace in reply.

"Exactly," Marie sighed. "I can't tell you how to live your life, I'm not your mother, but I've known you since before you were a baby-faced little beat-cop and while I can say you've grown, your heart hasn't, and that's dangerous."

His hands clenched into tight fists, his knuckles already starting to blare white.

"And from what I see," Marie took his continued silence as acquiescence, "neither of you is moving forward, and it can't be a happy place for you or for her. So, not as your boss but as your friend, as someone who's tried to be a mother to Maka, both of you need a change. You can't keep living like this."

"Like what?" barely croaked from his throat as his eyes focused on the blotchy lack of color in his fingers.

"Like you still don't know what you mean to each other," she murmured back.

Soul shook his head as he sucked a snapping bit of air through his teeth. "Go back to being my boss, Captain."

Marie dipped back in her chair and pressed a hand to her cheek as she leaned. "Alright, then, Detective Sergeant. You can report back to work tomorrow, your regular shift."

"Fine." There was still no release in his grip as he rose to shaky feet. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She sighed one last time as he turned and rushed out the door. "Tomorrow." The door crashed behind him and she tossed her head back against the chair. _Oh, Death, that boy is going to drive me insane._ Her eyes flicked over to her cellphone on the side of the desk and then back to the ceiling. She forced herself forward, hands poised on the keys to go back to the report she had been typing. A few errant words came off her fingers, leaving her ample time to read and reread the page, making lackluster edits. Another tick of her eyes and a grumble from her throat passed before she placed a hand over the phone, hoping that without the few the temptation would falter. Instead, it burned under her fingers for too many minutes to count before she dialed the only number that always answered her calls.

"Marie," Stein's voice came cool and calm on the other end. Most would probably believe him completely incapable of softness or any gentle lilt to his voice but Marie got it in whispers, but not now, not during business hours.

She wished there was a cord that she could waste time wrapping her finger around so she dug it helplessly into the arm of the chair instead. "How is Maka today?"

"Am I to treat this as a professional courtesy?" He was playing cat and mouse with her and while other days she would find it cute, this was wearing her thin.

"Soul just left my office and he still seems off. I need to know if she's the same."

"Would you like to speak to her?" he continued on the mischievous path that made her want to reach through the phone and strangle him.

"Frank Stein if you do not give me a straight answer this minute-"

A bemused chuckle broke her warning and his voice trickled back slowly, "Something is eating at her today, but we both know that is not a new development. I am going to warn you yet again that you are not being a Captain right now but a mother, and while I appreciate it, your sweetness," he murmured that part barely to be heard over the line, "others might perceive it to be favoritism, especially if you're allowing a certain someone to come back to work."

 _As if I could keep him from it!_ Marie wanted to bang her head against the desk, only slightly fulfilling the urge by letting her forehead smack against her hand. "Fine, just… watch her, please."

He sighed, "A sentinel, as always."

* * *

Maka raised her eyes from her desk to meet the smoldering scarlet that was staring at her silently. "Bad news?" she asked as she started to settle the papers on her desk.

"Let's go," he gave as a half-hearted reply and before Maka could even attack it, his head was dipping back out into the hallway, a sly grin peeling across his cheeks. "Hey, Star."

"Finally, bro!" Star practically tackled him in the doorway, slugging an arm around his shoulder. "Come to see your idol? You finally remember your worship is way the hell overdue?"

Soul chuckled as he allowed Star to knock him back and forth. "Sure, man."

"Does this mean you're back?" He offered hopefully high eyebrows.

Soul risked a glance at Maka, seeing the same question reflecting in her eyes. "Yeah. Captain said tomorrow."

"Fuck, yes!" Star jostled him again, showing no sign of relinquishing his hold. "We should celebrate. You should buy me a beer tonight."

"Maybe this weekend," he cleared his throat. "I, uh, just came to grab Maka for some food and I should probably catch up on my beauty rest if I'm going to pull a full day tomorrow."

"Yeah," Star tossed a skeptical look Maka's way which she mostly missed as she slapped her laptop shut. "So don't keep him up tonight, you hear that, Albarn?"

"I'm not his mother," she snapped as she walked towards them, prying between Soul and the door instead of the other option of the two men, knowing that was entirely a lost cause.

"Hey," Soul called after her but she was already rounding the corner.

"She on the rag?" Star tried to squeeze his shoulder but that was enough for Soul to press the other man away, a disgusted grunt leaving his lips.

"She was weird this morning," he murmured, waiting to see if that summoned her back from around the corner but when she didn't arrive he turned his eyes to Star.

Star waved his hands innocently while scoffing, "You're asking the wrong guy. _Everything_ about her is weird to me. I swear, how you ever fell in love with her-"

Soul gave him another prod to the shoulder. "How many times do I have to tell you not to fucking say that?"

"What?" Star balked. "You do - it's not like I'm lying or anything. Death, I wish you two would just fuck and get it over with already. I bet if you actually let her get in your pants maybe-"

Soul's hand slapped to Star's mouth, silencing the spew. _Trust me, sex didn't fix it the first time and it definitely didn't last night._ "Beers. Saturday. Now shut your mouth."

A smirk appeared on Star's face as Soul's palm fell from obscuring it. "Fine, see ya then."

He started the rush down the hallway, half to get away from that shit-eating grin but also because he hadn't gotten a great look at her reaction to the news - a bulletin that he had really wished he could have conveyed over a slice of pizza, leaning in close since she had just about every last one of his secrets. Well, accept the obvious one.

It came off of Star's lips so easily. _How you ever fell in love with her…_ and honestly, he needed about two brain cells to produce that answer. _She sees me, has always seen me, never pretends I'm anyone or anything else than what I am. And when I'm with her…_ As he turned the corner her body was there, shoulder pressing to the cold concrete before the opening to the stairs. His momentum should have taken them both for a topple, but he snapped an arm around her waist while the other grabbed to the railing, holding her to him and them in place.

"Watch where you're going!" she huffed as she grabbed into his arm for dear life. "Imagine if both of us just took a header, Soul, seriously!"

Now balanced, he took a step back, pulling her with him and allowing for his other arm to wrap around her shoulder, pulling her tightly to his chest as he sunk his face into the crux of her neck.

"Soul…" this was less an admonishment and more of a gasp.

"I finally get to go back," he murmured there, unsure of what else was coaxing off his tongue. There was no more to come, instead, some feeling trembled in his chest as he tucked his lips right next to where skin met collar.

"Soul, please." What she was pleading for Maka couldn't quite place because in the stairwell at the county prosecutor's office, her _job_ was not where he was supposed to be or would even bother to grab her but he was. She could feel the desperation leaching from his fingers, an almost possessive cling keeping her solid against him. It wasn't as if she wanted to get away, either, instead feeling the frantic need to stay that way forever, to live in a moment where she knew he needed her.

Reality still felt miles away for Soul so as he loosened his grasp to give her what he could only suppose she wanted, his lips still drifted against that sensitive patch of skin. "Sorry," he murmured but it came with a brush of his lips as an additional apology, spurring goosebumps and a shiver down her spine.


	6. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So much happening in this chapter! Please enjoy! Yes, I totally know I'm setting you up for a lot. Be prepared. Bring tissues.

As Soul walked through the door the pop made every last muscle seize but as the tiny rainbow flecked pieces of paper decorated the front of his shirt rather than blood he let out a shaky laugh. Maka was grinning, the exploded party popper in her hand. "Happy end of your first day back!"

He struggled to keep a grimace on his face, feigning as much annoyance as he could muster as he flicked hot pink and lime green squares off his tie. "You're cleaning this up."

"Party pooper," she sighed but simply brandished the second weapon in her arsenal, one with blue and yellow that exploded closer to his face, sending puffs of paper to lodge in his hair.

"Maka," he grumbled but it was cut off by her finger touching his lip. Soul couldn't stop the shudder or his mouth from dropping open, the words to beg for more trapped on his tongue.

Instead, she brandished a small piece of sunshine on her finger, laughing at him. "Don't fill up on confetti. I got take-out." Before he could even offer something close to a smart-ass mumble, which he most certainly didn't have on deck with the breathlessness from the sensation against his lips, Maka was off, sneaking back into the living room.

He followed her, loosening his tie and leaving a colorful trail behind him as he went. The table was decked out, endless sashimi and sushi even though he knew that wasn't her favorite, only his and something that she would eat begrudgingly. In the center was a six-pack of beer, definitely one of the crafts that he only splurged on every now and then. He leaned in the doorframe and let a desperate sigh take him.

"What?" Maka was quick to lift her head to look at him, worry sneaking up on her smile and starting to tarnish it.

"Looks like you went and blew the whole entertainment budget for the month," he managed to smirk, leaving the real words etched into his heart. _I need this, I need you._

"Maybe," she grinned back and motioned for him to come and sit.

He knelt next to her, dipping his shoulder playfully into hers. "Thanks."

"Technically," she stretched out the word with a sing-song playfulness, "I'm bribing you."

"Huh." He broke apart the take-out chopsticks and let them settle on his first roll before following the sound, "OK, Maka, I'll bite. What is it?"

She slipped her hand under the table and grabbed at the file she'd hidden, setting it in his lap. "I know you _just_ got back, but…"

"Your case?" he cut in as he shoved a bite in his mouth to free up his hands to open the file. The picture he didn't like, the hair instantly rising on the back of his neck as he stared into cold, lifeless brown eyes.

"Stein's, but he asked me to interview this guy. You know the Gorgon case, right?" Her finger nudged in front of him, outlining the organization's name, the known associates.

"Arachne Gorgon, Arachnophobia. Sounds pretty lame," Soul tried to shrug it off but even with the sushi on his tongue, there was a bitter taste starting in his mouth.

" _Sounds_ lame, but it's a pretty big cult now." Maka continued to run her finger down the document, trying to train his eyes but Soul was too busy staring at the face looking back at him in the picture. "Word on the street there isn't an illegal thing they _haven't_ been doing, but the best we're looking to get them on right now is something tax-related, money laundering or something. I'm supposed to interview him, Giriko, to see if I can get him to talk about some money flow, hopefully without the Mosquito there."

Soul let out a laugh. "The Mosquito? Do these idiots even think about the names they give themselves before using 'em?"

Maka echoed him but shook her head. "It's what we call him around the office. He's technically their lawyer, Stewart Arana, but he sucks everyone dry, hence the nickname. Every time he's around there's no information to be had but I hear he's out of town next week and Giriko is, well, supposed to be a bit of an idiot. More brawn than brains, so if I can get him alone…"

"But not alone," Soul grumbled. "I'm gonna be there, right?"

"That's what I was hoping," Maka beamed.

Soul couldn't tear himself from those eyes to look at hers, but the promise rang from his mouth anyway. "I'm there."

* * *

This time his palms were sweating as Mira stared at him, eyes blinking easily as she waited for the next fount of knowledge. All of the possibilities had been churning in his head all day, popping up in the back of his mind as he poured over his cases to get back in the swing of things. Instead of the stress of the job or the injury that he could swear sometimes still throbbed at night, it always came back to her. "We - Maka and me - we have sex." That was a boil lanced, since even though there'd been a million times he wanted to tell Star, or a few where Liz had backed him into a wall and asked almost one to many questions, the truth of it never existed in the world outside of his bedroom.

"You said last time that you love her…" Mira left that door open, waiting for him to take a step.

In the absence of her balking at the statement, Soul found at least enough will to get the next sentence out. "Yeah, I do, but I don't think that's why we have sex and, technically, besides her and me I think you're the only one who knows about it."

He expected her eyebrows to crease but Mira's face stayed still and open. "Why do you think you two have sex?"

Soul sighed, "She does it when she's afraid she's losin' me."

"So you never initiate."

"Once," Soul laughed dryly. "Uh, right after the first time, when I still thought that first time meant she loved me but… she said no and I kind of figured she had decided it was a mistake. And when I thought about it, the why we did, why I went through with it, I kind of settled on we were both scared. Our lives were changing and neither of us was sure about it so we were trying to hold on to what we had."

"Did that affect your relationship?"

"We were friends," Soul shrugged. "I _think_ I was OK. I don't know, I… I still got to live with her, be in her life, and she never hesitated to stay in mine so maybe sex was the last thing on my mind. She still held my hand, laid with me on the couch, so what else did I really need?"

"But, she initiated it with you?"

Soul paused to run his fingers through his hair, tugging at the roots before inhaling enough to bring up the words. "I, uh, had told her I was thinking about taking the Lieutenant's exam. She made me the cutest goddamn binder, even filled it with notes - and I seriously don't know how she knew half the shit to put it in there unless she'd been studying _for_ me all those years - but, you know, passing the Lieutenant's exam would mean I'd probably transfer. Another division would mean she and I wouldn't work the same cases. I might even have to move, right? All of it meant some part of the connection between us would get lost."

"So, I think she let it eat at her just long enough until the night before the exam…"

_Maka didn't bother to knock because she could hear him shuffling around the other side of his door, feet anxiously making the hardwood groan. "You're going to ruin the floors."_

_Soul scoffed, using the last of his momentum to turn towards her before forcing his frantic movements to stop. "Well, you put up the security deposit, so guess it's not my loss."_

" _Ha. Ha." Maka motioned the cup in her hand towards him. "Tea. Drink it."_

" _I hope you're druggin' me," he muttered as he moved forward, taking the mug from her fingers and taking a sip._

" _Me? The perfect little angel that I am?" She lifted her eyebrows playfully._

" _Angel my ass." He barely got the playful laugh out of his mouth before she was glaring at him, her lips pursed in annoyance._

" _See, and I was going to be nice to you tonight…"_

" _Oh, yeah?" Soul raised an eyebrow._

" _Of course," Maka shrugged before moving to his desk, picking up the absurdly packed binder that she then clutched to her chest. "Let's go, one last study session."_

_Soul groaned out in agony but didn't bother to form any other words, simply hanging his head in defeat as he plopped down to the bed while barely avoiding spilling his tea. Maka hopped into the bed next to him, spreading the binder over the space next to his pillow as she laid on her stomach propped up on her elbows. Without waiting for him she started to spout questions, only pausing for his grumbling answers._

_He finished his tea, sinking lower in the bed until each fluttering page was sending a gust of air over the fine hairs next to his ears. Even with the exhaustion settling in, a smirk was alive and well on his face, making his cheeks ache._ She's such a fucking bookworm. Maybe I do wish that'd rub off on me for at least this test. _Just as he turned his head, ready to examine her and maybe get away with it, he found those glowing green eyes on him instead._

" _You really know your stuff," she murmured._

" _Thanks to someone's drill-sergeanting every day, yeah," he laughed softly as he reached for her, careful to hide the want in his fingers behind the job of tucking an errant hair behind her ear. He had expected only a second's worth of connection in the movement but suddenly her hand was over his, anchoring it against her cheek._

" _Soul…"_

_That frantic bird was fluttering in his chest again, and eyes that he'd seen before but never been able to read shined at him, begging him to have a response he didn't have. "What?" he was begging for the answer and in a slow crawling moment, she gave it to him._

_Maka inched forward, delicately brushing her lips against his. His next guess was that she'd be gone, that he'd awaken in the darkness and realize this was just another dream but before he could even will his eyes to open again the pressure was back as the warmth of her body started snaking closer to his. Soul's hand slipped out from under hers, drifting back into her hair to anchor her to him, another plea sent out through his fingers._

_He wanted every second to be an hour, to hold on to the way this was unwinding, the way her fingers were finding the skin beneath his shirt and raking into it. Every last nerve felt alive and he never wanted it to end. Maka undressed him, plucking pieces off between ardent kisses that left him dizzy and without sense. It was easy to lose himself in it because none of it seemed real, all of it still fantasy because it had been years but all of her still felt the same. Even after that fumbling first time, it was like her skin still knew him, still accepted him, and he was delirious with want from it._

_Maybe that's why, unlike the first time, there were no hesitant words passed from his lips, only caresses and nibbles across her skin as he tried to clearly mark each ounce of his love for her on that pale canvas. Soul watched her fall apart beneath him, his name barely eking out between moans as her nails left little crescents in his shoulders as she clung to him. It should have been perfect then, the best and only time for those sacred words that he'd thought a million times to finally find a path of his tongue but even as he finished, all pins and needles running from toe to spine as he panted on top of her, it was her eyes that stopped him._

_Maka had been staring at him in that final moment, watching him in his ecstasy as the last bit of hers completely faded, as the old feeling, the one that spurred her to this moment started back to swell into a cacophonous roar. "Why are you crying?" he murmured, all of his joy fading just as quickly as hers._

_She took a stuttering breath, letting out a mournful laugh to try to drive it away. "I think you'll make a good Lieutenant."_

" _What?" All of that warmth was sinking away and even though he was still buried in her he suddenly felt a million miles away from her._

_Maka sucked in air and her voice came back without trembling. "I think, no matter what, Soul, you should take the Lieutenant position."_

Why? _He almost shrieked but the way that slow smile crawled across her face left him dumbfounded._

" _And don't say_ if _you pass, because you will."_

You want me to cut our ties, don't you? _The horrible thought lurched in his heart, in his throat and strangled any last bit of happiness he had._ This was you saying goodbye, wasn't it? Saying goodbye before I could. Oh, Maka, Maka, Maka! _Each scream of her name in his head brought another gulping wave of pain and before he could stop himself his lips were against hers again, trying with all his might to suck those poisonous words from her mouth and keep them from sinking back to her heart. "It's because of you," he barely mumbled between the painful need to capture her lips again. "It's only because of you."_

"I wanted… I should have told her I love her," Soul croaked as he cleared the tears away from his cheeks with the back of his hand. "I should have told her that every day since, too, but…"

"Is that what you'd like to work towards?" Mira offered.

Soul's eyebrows wrinkled before he barely murmured back, "You mean, you coach me to say it to her?"

Mira finally let an amused smile hit her lips, "Not _coach_ you, but we could work towards finding out why you haven't."

"I, uh…" Soul let the raw sound stammer over his lips.

"For next time," Mira interrupted the sound. "I want you to have two lists. All the things that could go wrong and all the things that could go right."

"If I told her?" he squeaked.

"Yes, if you told her what you were feeling."

Soul studied his hands for a moment before nodding. _What if I told Maka I love her._

* * *

Maka had no choice, having to take Liz and Tsubaki's invitation rather than leave herself open for another night of interrupting Star and Soul's fun to sob on his shoulder. It of course was getting old but Maka could barely help herself anymore. _Things have to be back to normal. He's fine. He's back at work. I'm fine. We're fine. We're-_

"Oh, Maka Albarn, you better spill this minute," Liz cooed as Maka approached the table.

"What?" Maka blinked at Liz as she took a seat next to Tsubaki in the booth, leaning into her so that the other woman would wrap an arm around her. Tsubaki was always ready with physical affection, something that Maka found absolutely necessary as she was being stared down by Liz.

"You can't walk over to the table looking like that and not expect it to be the first topic of discussion!" Liz slid her drink over to Maka, something red and fruity looking but welcome all the same, before waving down the bartender for another.

Maka took a sip, letting the surprisingly tart flavor pull her smile back across her cheeks. "It's nothing."

"It's Soul," Liz sighed out. "It's always him."

"And he just came back to work," Tsubaki chimed. "Shouldn't that be a happy thing?"

"No, I'm really happy for him," Maka could barely manage it without a sigh. _I am, I am so happy he's back, back to doing what he loves but… something's not right. Something's still not right with him, with us, and I can't put my finger on it._ "Just…" The lock on her heart trembled. Everything about them was a secret, something never divulged and never looked at close enough to find the cracks and faults.

Liz started her probing, going down the well-curated list in her mind. "Well, he passed the eval, that's for sure, so he must have talked to you about the attack."

Maka swallowed another gulp of her drink.

"You mean you two haven't?" Tsubaki whispered gently.

"It's…" Maka sighed. "He decided he wants to… to keep that with the shrink. I think he feels like it's going to burden me somehow, so…"

Liz shook her head, "He should have thought about that before pulling that true-love sort of bullshit."

Maka bristled at the word, finding it instantly feeding liquid into her eyes as it always did. Even pressing her fingers there didn't temper it, and a few errant tears slipped between her fingers.

"Oh, Maka, don't." Tsubaki tried to soothe, rubbing her hand along Maka's arm and whispering in her ear. "Soul will be fine."

"He doesn't love me," the admission burned from her lips, the contents of her stomach threatening to follow the words that she hadn't ever said aloud before because admitting what she knew gave it too much life and truth.

"Maka…" both girls echoed, ready for the argument since as spectators they'd only ever seen the opposite.

"He said so," Maka cut them off just as she did another lifeline in her heart, feeling that deadening blow of another secret.

Each sat dumbfounded but Liz finally managed to squeak, "To your face?"

"No…" Maka barely pulled in enough breath to bring the memory back to life.

_Soul was knocking on the bathroom door. "Hey."_

" _I'm fine," Maka snapped back, just barely making her annoyance convincing. "Can I pee in peace?"_

_A scratchy huff came through the other side of the door before she heard his footsteps recede._

_Maka turned on the water, hoping to not only drown out the sounds she knew were about to leak from her mouth but also the ones clamoring in her head. She clutched the edge of the sink and let the first sob break from her lips._ You're being pathetic. Needy. Lonely. But what else is new? _She tried not to see the flashes of him talking around the bonfire. The snippets of happy conversation that didn't include her. Talking about the future, what was left for them after graduation, and all without a mention or thought of her name._

But what do you expect? Two years, two long years, and what have you done? Sometimes you hold his hand. Sometimes you sleep next to him but only after some calamity that makes that use of a bed more for comfort than for romance. Sometimes you look at him a little too long and he catches your glance and your face gets hot but neither of you, you or him, have done a thing about it. _Maka allowed the tirade to go on in her head, letting every last ounce of venom spit from her mind as the tears streamed down her cheeks._

_She did the best she could to clean her face up, dismayed by the blotchy cheeks that shone back at her in the mirror. One more sad attempt with the cold water proved futile and she hoped that the darkness surrounding the fire would be enough, so she exited the bathroom. As she inched down the shadowy hallway, she heard their voices in the kitchen._

" _Listen, I just don't get it, man," Star started at his regular booming decibel, bringing it right to Maka's ears._

" _There's nothing to get," Soul grumbled back and she had to get closer to catch his words in reply._

" _Look, you're constantly at her beck and call and what the hell do you get out of it?"_

_She heard a crack, probably his fist against some surface as he was apt to do when his words didn't want to follow. "It doesn't matter what I get out of it, I have to do it."_

" _Why? What the hell do you mean that you have to? It's not like she's ever said she loves you, or even once-"_

" _And it's not like I love her!" The words boomed from his mouth, trembling across Maka's ears and digging their hooks into her heart. "Because I don't. I don't love her. It's just… I have to. You don't get and you never will but I owe her that much. That's all."_

 _Maka was surprised by the numbness, the way her tears simply receded without hope of return, as if everything in her had frozen at that moment._ He doesn't love me. _It came easily and resounded in her head._

"No way," Liz murmured. "No, I don't believe it."

Again, the emptiness was taking its creeping hold and Maka welcomed it with the same familiar bitterness. "It's not like there could have been anyone else he was talking about."

"Maka," Tsubaki started and let her fingers finish for her, smoothing through Maka's hair.

"It's OK," she murmured. "I… I've known for a long time, right? We were eighteen when I knew for sure and now… we're friends. We're the most we're ever going to be."

"No," Liz repeated.

"Liz," Tsubaki started but Liz shook her head sharply.

"No, you must have heard it wrong or he was being a stupid eighteen-year-old boy who was lying out of his teeth to his best friend because he's an _idiot_ ," Liz was hissing, her hands turning into talons on the table.

"Liz," Maka offered a breathless laugh. "Let it go. It's just… that's just not what this is, and it's been a long time, so I'm over it." _Or_ _that's the lie you always tell yourself._


	7. Making a List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This technically was supposed to come later - a few chapters, in fact - but I felt SO GUILTY about making you angry with Soul so I had to fix it right away. Here's some vague **sexual content** - I don't know why I haven't been going super explicit in this fic. I hope you don't mind.

Star absolutely hated this, despised it, detested it, and loathed it even fucking more because he had to admit that it was Maka's absence that was creating this gloomy-Gus act, the not so casual flip of Soul's eyes to his phone every few minutes. "I hate repeating myself," Star barked.

"But?" Soul offered.

"If you just got in her pants-"

Soul interrupted with a heaving sigh. "That's not gonna fix a damn thing _._ "

"Which I don't get," Star brandished his beer at Soul in emphasis. "You decided you loved her more than anything that night at the bonfire, right?"

Soul tilted his head, "After graduation? When the hell did I say that?"

"When I got pissed at you in the kitchen," Star rolled his eyes. "Remember, Maka ran to the bathroom, locked herself in like, well, like _Maka_ would. But you took that call from your mom, tried to tell me to make sure Maka got home alright by herself because that bitch needed you."

He bristled as if his mother was hissing in his ear again, that slurred throaty whisper making another request that was more of an order.

"I told you that you got jack shit out of being with your mom, doing that shit for her every time she fucking called." Star's voice didn't wither into a mutter, instead slapping Soul in the face. "And you made damn sure to tell me you didn't love her, right? And when Maka walked the hell in the room, stupid tears on her face about Death knows what, I saw you decide. You didn't love your mom, but you sure as hell loved Maka. Tell me I'm wrong."

 _That was the first time. The first time I turned off my phone. I wasn't available. I ignored Mom because Maka needed me. Or at least that's what I thought._ He sighed, "I made a lot of choices that night." The rest would stay cryptic, playing on in his head as Star heaved an annoyed sigh.

_He could guess she was wishing he didn't notice the puff of her cheeks, the red rings around her eyes. The way she'd quietly drifted, not stomped, not rushed, but just moved almost aimlessly to the car told him she wasn't all here either. She'd handed him the keys but that was the full extent of her orders, the start of the drive steeped in silence. He waited for the argument when he made the turn but not a peep came from her mouth and when he risked a glance from the windshield to her face there were new tears marring her cheeks._

_They'd parked here a million times or more, a deserted scenic overlook that didn't boast much of a view anymore after the town had cleared the land below with the expectation of condominiums. Somewhere along the way, the money had run out and all that was left was pockets of brown earth that was slowly being reclaimed. It didn't look pretty, but it was quiet, it was rarely a place interrupted by life, and it allowed them some time in limbo, time to be just Maka and Soul._

_After he backed in, bumper almost kissing the guard rail, she popped out of the car, moving with purpose to the trunk. It was the same as always, Maka opening the hatch of the station wagon, fluffing the sleeping bags that lined the floor before perching on the edge, her feet balanced on the metal opposite the car. Soul moved to his designated spot next to her but collapsed back, huffing as he settled into the blankets. Normally, his eyes would start counting the stars, but he was too busy counting the stains on her cheeks. "You want to talk?"_

_She shook her head._

" _OK," he sighed. "You pissed?"_

_Another shake._

" _Star say somethin' to you?"_

_A third shake, this one finished with a tremble of her lip._

_His gut rolled, "Did I say somethin' to you?"_

_Bleary green eyes turned to him, liquid still dancing at the rims._

" _So, I did," he let out a weak laugh. "Not like it's hard to narrow down. I didn't talk too much tonight. Maybe… ah, I did call you a bookworm, but, Maka, you gotta admit, gettin' into every school you apply to definitely earns you the name."_

" _You didn't talk about me tonight," she murmured as her eyes trailed back off to the scoured earth._

" _I didn't?" he shrugged into the blankets. "And you would know, huh? Following my every word."_

" _I wasn't," she snapped but it lost its momentum as she planted her forehead against her knees._

" _Maybe I didn't talk_ to _you tonight. That bother you?" He tried but after the trembling started in her shoulders he grabbed at the back of her shirt, giving it a tug. "Come here."_

" _No," she moaned._

" _Come here, I'm not kidding," he grumbled back as he pulled again, this time getting a little give as she turned to him, cheeks flushed again with cloudy eyes. "Stop being stubborn."_

_There were a few desperate thunders of his heart, a solid second where he was sure she was going to get up and leave instead of crumble but she did, collapsing into his chest. The first seconds of this always left him breathless, the unexpected way she'd come to fit next to him, but the new way she was clutching to him, her fingers frantic to find purchase on his skin was making him sure his lungs would never fill again._

" _Please," she murmured, her voice trembling against his neck._

" _Maka, come on…" He was trying to pull them apart just enough to see her face but Maka refused to be pried. "Seriously, whatever it is-"_

" _Please, Soul, don't." He'd never heard her beg, not once, but that was the pinnacle of pleas, an urgent request for something that felt out of his grasp._

" _What is it? Don't what?" he whispered back with just enough force to trickle between them, still left confused to grasp at her._

_Maka finally let there be distance, only enough to give him a view of her face still stained with tears. "Please don't stop me."_

_Soul's brows furrowed. "From what?"_

_Her answer didn't come in words, just a sweet tilt of her chin that brought their lips together._

She's kissing me! _The cry blared in his head as his eyes popped wide, each muscle refusing to move in any sort of semblance of order. His fingers trembled, his mouth was instantly and horrifying dry while his palms turned into a swamp. His body only barely caught up with his mind, raking his hand across the blanket to take care of at least that embarrassment before touching his hand to her cheek. He waited for the pause but a lack of surety never came from her, just a steady build of her lips searching for his. It wasn't until her hand bypassed the natural order and started to unbutton his pants, finger quickly moving to tug at the zipper, that he cupped his hand under her throat to peel her away. "Maka, slow down."_

" _Please."_

" _Maka-"_

" _If you don't want to, tell me," her voice was trembling but the words broke out one by one like a yell in the cavern of the back of the station wagon. "But I'm asking you not to stop me. If this is what you want, don't stop me."_

" _What I want?" he squeaked back. "Maka, this is the first time you've even kissed me and now you're-"_ literally reaching into my pants! _Which is exactly what she did, cutting off any more words with fingers made of fire. He wasn't entirely proud of the noise that gurgled up his throat at the utterly beautiful sensation of her searching hand._

" _I want it to be with you," her murmur was delirious against his ear, punctuated by the progress of her touch, the way she pulled at the waistband of his pants with stubborn but futile grabs._

" _Maka, I…" he was stuttering, half-way to madness with the urge that was a great deal hormonal but still solidly rooted in that love for her that was the scaffolding of his entire life. "I - I want that, too, but-"_

" _Then let me," came something muddled somewhere between a plea and her own need that he could hear saturating her voice._

Stop.

_He was frozen, letting her hand go back to its serious exploration of the inside of his jeans as those jade eyes burned with so much he couldn't place._

Don't do this.

_He groaned again, unable to keep any last shred of sense._

Stop.

_Any of that fell on deaf ears as he used his grip to pull her lips back to his, offering more panting breaths against her mouth._

How is this going to end?

_Soul rolled over on top of her, angling his knees to allow her to free him of his pants, boxers half stuck on his hips with an embarrassing obstruction that she didn't seem to notice, just using those determined hands to free him. Maka spread her legs to accommodate him, her body so surprisingly willing as his still trembled with every last ounce of nerves. The strangest shock of all was that of bare skin against bare skin, Maka having hiked up her skirt and started the trial of getting her panties below her knees._

" _Maka…" he couldn't stop the murmur, saturated with the need for reassurance, the need to hear her voice call back to him in turn._

" _I want this," she repeated clearly against his lips and when he opened her eyes, it wasn't steadiness or surety that he saw shining back in hers but still a flavor of determination he'd seen more than once._

She's not sure. You're not sure. Just because it's what you want doesn't mean you should and you know that. _Soul tried to call up all the reasons not to, even going so far as to conjure those ridiculous health-class videos about STDs and teen pregnancy -_ Oh, fucking Death, you don't have a condom, you idiot _\- but that wasn't even a drop in the ocean, not with her warmth wriggling against him as she finally freed herself of that last bit of cloth keeping this from happening._

_There should have been ceremony, words said as some kind of promise, but there was only silence. With one hand on his hip and the other on his shoulder, her nails bit into skin as she pulled him forward. The only thing that broke the quiet was their breaths, ragged and chasing after one another as an awkward rhythm started. It wasn't beautiful, not smooth and sultry like those passionate scenes from the movies, just shaky and needy, with a sadness so sweetly tempered with love._

_Soul could feel it, the end trying to rip him away from his moment, to pull him into an undertow that threatened to drown him. That's when he forced his hand into her hair, making sure to angle her eyes to his, to make her see him again, as he was, as all he was, because that's all he ever wanted from her. Even with the wild sizzle of energy coursing through his veins, making him feel so alive that it hurt, he kept his eyes on her._

_As the movement stopped, her clutching didn't. "Don't leave me."_

_He let out a breath like the tremor of a shockwave as he pressed his forehead to hers. "Nothing's going to change." Why did he think that was just as good as I love you?_

"Earth to Soul," Star grumbled as he jostled Soul's shoulder.

"Yeah, uh," Soul paused to swallow down the memory, to try to push away all the ache it left him with, "I'm… Star, I'm gonna tell her that I love her."

"What?" He clanked his beer bottle against the oak bar. "Seriously? When?"

He tried to shrug, finding no fulfillment in it especially as Star scoffed at it. "After I make a list."

"A list?" he balked before turning back to a glugging swish of his beer. "You're seriously one weird guy, Soul. A list. A fucking list. Here's your list: You love Maka Albarn. She's head-over-heels in love with you. You're both idiots."

Soul managed a gurgling chuckle, weak but hanging on in his throat. "I think she needs me. Nah, I _know_ she needs me, but I… I don't think that's the same thing as love. I hate it but I wonder if I gave up followin' my mom's beck and call just to fall into hers. Not sayin' she treats me like Mom did, not like that at all, but… sometimes it still hurts, what Maka does to me, you know?"

Star smiled glumly, "Yeah, but you gotta ask yourself if she's hurting you because you never told her any differently. I know if you told your mom she's being a bitch she'd throw it back in your face, but you ever tell Maka something she did was cold? Something she did hurt you?"

He could only shake his head in reply.

"Then it's not the same thing," Star punctuated that with a slap on the back. "Relationships are all about communication."

Soul snorted a laugh. "Yeah, thanks, Dr. Phil."

"Shut up," he grumbled. "Buy me another beer and let's make your damn list."


	8. An Addition

"You ready?" Maka flicked her head over her shoulder quickly before looking back at the file in her lap.

"Yeah," he grumbled as he slid the car into park, letting the jut toss his stomach just a little more.

"You read the whole file, right? The-"

"'Course," he cut her off with a sigh. _Liar,_ he could almost chuckle at himself, _you read about half of it because fuck knows if you tried to read all her notes, all her side-trails, you'd spend the rest of your life with your nose in that file, just like she does._

Maka huffed back, "Well, it's not like you're going to be opening your mouth anyway."

"Yup," he chuckled. "Just muscle."

She rolled her eyes distinctly in his direction before opening the car door and surging out into the cold morning. Meeting on Giriko's turf was a tough decision, homefield advantage and all, but Maka had a feeling that kind of surety would make that monstrous man in the picture too cocky and that might leave her the luck she needed. Not to mention, having Soul there, who was now practically a shadow at her heels, brought back that same old hum of safety, that protective bubble that couldn't be penetrated. As she risked another glance at him, Maka could almost believe it was the same as always. They were what they'd always been.

There was a darkness over it, slinking in like mist in the early morning hours. _The way he looked when he kissed me that morning._ It gnawed away at her bones and Maka carried the picture of those melancholy eyes in the back of her mind with each step. _And am I imagining things when I think I see him looking like that more often? Like he has something to say but he just won't come out and say it?_ Her oldest friend, that deathly cold fear, came back and gripped her. _Is he finally giving up? Is he finally going to leave me because I…_

"Maka," Soul grabbed her by the elbow, just saving her from barreling into the door. "Get your head out of that fucking file. Come on." He freed his hand from her just to open the door, sending sharp eyes anywhere but at her.

 _I don't have time to think about that,_ she chastised but the ache in her gut refused to relinquish its hold.

The door squealed on its hinges, announcing their entry before Maka even could. There were a few thugs smattered throughout the room, one raising his head with mild interest from a desk that didn't look entirely functional. "What do you want?"

"I'm Ms. Albarn and this is Detective Sergeant Evans and we're here to talk to Mr. Giriko Saw." The peppy authority had come back to her voice and what looked like grimace spread across Soul's face.

Really, he was biting his tongue as hard as he always did when she used that voice. _Fucking adorable idiot with that telemarketer chirp._

"He's not here," one of the grunts muttered.

"Bullshit," Soul spat. "Car's outside. He drives the Nova. Don't make her ask again."

Maka's smile beamed all through Soul's rough grumble. There was some shuffling and shared glances before one of the men moved to a door at the far back right of the room. He opened it a crack, just putting his head in enough to muffle the sound. The walls didn't dampen the bark back, an annoyed voice starting, "Well, let them the fuck in then." The head popped back quickly and waved the two of them over.

It wasn't exactly what Maka would call an office, not with the dilapidated armchair and sparse arrangement of empty plastic cartons for complimentary seating. In that barely held together recliner sat the man whose picture had chewed away at Soul's sanity, the physical visage doing something much worse as goosebumps broke out under his blazer. Giriko only had a grin for the two of them. "Who're you?"

"As I told your associates," Maka had to pause for the grunting laugh from Giriko's mouth at the word, "I'm Ms. Albarn and this is Detective Sergeant Evans."

Giriko flicked a sharp chin Soul's direction. "Sergeant? That little pip-squeak?"

Maka didn't risk a glance in Soul's direction, already knowing that nothing more than an apathetic gaze was being forced to shine through those scarlet eyes. "If you need to see our credentials before we start I'd be more than happy to-"

"Listen, little lady," Giriko smoothed in between her words. "The only thing I care about seein' is what's under that skirt. So unless you plan to give me a look at that, then you and Sergeant Shrimp can leave."

Maka heard the pop and grind of Soul's jaw but she took in a slow breath, easing the words pleasantly through smiling lips. "Mr. Saw-"

"Giriko for you, doll," he grinned.

She envisioned pulling his guts out through his nose as she continued. "If you cooperate, I won't have to drag you down to the station, where Detective Sergeant Evans just so happens to have a few of your friends waiting. I believe you know Noah, or Gopher, or perhaps even-"

"Not friends," Giriko laughed.

"Oh, no, that's right, definitely not Arachnophobia," Maka chimed back like the dumb little blond that so many took as a first impression. "But people who know the same people you do, right? People who might run their mouths if they saw Giriko Saw being interviewed by the DA, might even spread some rumors - horrible things, rumors - that you were cooperating."

"Bullshit," he scoffed.

"Risk it, then," Maka shrugged her shoulders before sending a look back to Soul. She received exactly what she wanted, a tiny tilt to his frown that told her he was doing everything not to laugh. "Well, Mr. Saw? Your decision, please," she popped her head sweetly back over her shoulder.

She watched the predatory eyes tick from her face to over her shoulder and she hoped Soul had held back his shit-eating grin. "If he leaves."

"No," Soul gritted between set teeth.

"If he stands outside?" Maka amended but Soul was instantly grabbing her elbow.

"No," he hissed again.

"He stands outside," Maka offered again, pulling her elbow from a grip that almost didn't allow it, feeling the fingers leave behind lines of burning skin.

"See, girly, you catch on," he cooed. "Step outside, Sergeant Shrimp."

Maka waited, half expecting a guttural cry or his hand back on her arm but instead she jumped as the door slammed behind her, the silence feeling anything but still in its wake.

Even though he slammed the door, Soul made sure it popped back open a peep, enough for him to have half an eye on the corner of her coat and a full ear to the conversation. That didn't really placate the seething storm that was his heart, the frantic whispers in the back of his mind as his chest felt like it was oozing again, that memory of his wound haunting him.

"Now, would you tell me about these two properties?" Pages flipped in the file. "The cabin out at 7 Hemlock Grove and the warehouse on 55 Athens Drive?"

Giriko droned on without much substance, talking bullshit that revolved around calling her "little lady" and "girly" - each one a needle in Soul's ear.

Soul was just about ready to rip the door off the hinges when her voice finally cut Giriko off. "Well, thank you, Mr. Saw, I think I've heard enough."

"Want me to come with you?" he purred.

"No, thank you, I don't think that's necessary today," Maka chimed as the folder flapped shut. "But I will say that you should expect us to call on you again."

"Oh, I look forward to that, girly, but next time, leave your little guard dog at home."

 _Fat fucking chance_ , Soul wanted to growl. He made sure to catch her eyes as she exited the room, definitely checking for those flecks of fear but finding that stupidly, wildy smug splash of courage instead. Soul was her shadow again, following in her footsteps out the front and back to the car, slipping in silently as she arranged herself in the seat.

"Well, intel that he was stupid was definitely _not_ an exaggeration." Maka risked a glance only at his fingers on the steering wheel, instantly noticing the white splotches on his knuckles. "Soul…"

"Don't." He held up one shaky finger as he punched the car into reverse, barely keeping the tires from squealing. As he popped it into the drive he heard her intake breath again, to start what he knew was coming so he gruffly whispered, "Wait."

Maka tried not to huff, forcing it instead as a slow exhale. _I should save my oxygen, anyway, because I know exactly what he's going to say and he's not going to get away with it. He has to realize-_ She was ripped from her thoughts by the quick turn of the wheel, a horn blaring behind them at the sudden change of plans.

Soul skidded to a stop at the first parking spot at the coffee shop before jamming it back in park and tightening his grip back on the wheel. "You aren't _ever_ going to be alone with that guy again."

"Soul-"

"What?" he snapped as those fiery eyes came to hers. "You think he's some pushover? That he's not going to-"

"You can't protect me every single time," Maka intoned flatly.

She watched his eyebrows wrinkle into waves. "The fuck I can't."

"It's my own fault for asking you to come," Maka sighed. "I shouldn't have even-"

"No, you damn well _know_ you should have, that's not the fucking argument here," he hissed.

"But you can't be _everywhere_ , Soul," she urged, "and that's my argument. I just wanted you there today because I needed to get a feel for him, I understand-"

"No, you don't," his voice was flat, steely, sending a trickle of ice down her spine. "I can guess what he's capable of and none of that is something you should be alone with."

"Fine, I won't," she murmured.

"And if he comes to visit you at the office, or shows up anywhere, you call me-"

"Soul, stop it," she sighed.

His hands relaxed only to slam back into the steering column. "You almost died, Maka," he spit the words through clenched teeth.

Maka felt it first before the words even escaped, the hot explosion of venomous hurt rattling from her chest. " _You_ almost died, Soul," her scream filled the tiny chasm of the car, reverberating between them. "You _did_ die, but I guess you don't remember that part because _you_ were too busy bleeding out on my office floor that I have to look at every day and remember, so if you want to have this fight, let's have it, but you damn well better know you're going to have to answer my question - why is it OK if you die but it's not if I do? Why the _hell_ do you think that's fair?"

"Maka…"

She waited, nails digging painfully into her thighs as she begged for words from his mouth. Instead, his eyes hung heavy over the steering wheel, examining the world outside them rather than the one falling apart inside the car. She pulled in a desperate breath, "Take me back to the office."

Each move after came with that grinding glass ache in his gut. Each tick of silence matched the desperate beat of his heart. As they pulled up to her building, Maka practically opened the door before he could get it in park, feet almost grinding against the cement. "For fuck's sake, Maka," he muttered as he grabbed at her wrist, just stopping the momentum and leaving her half out the door.

"Answer my question or let me go," her voice burned with authority but it hit him like an icicle to the heart. She gave a tug of her wrist for good measure, seeing how willing he was with his words.

"I'm going to be late tonight," he muttered. "I'm seeing the doctor."

"Soul," it was just a frustrated cry as she yanked her hand away and exited the car.

The door slammed without a glance back at him and Soul laid his head back against the rest. Anxious fingers struggled into his pants pocket, taking out the folded sheet of paper. There were a few beer stains, mostly thanks to Star's gesticulating over it, but the words were still clear as he opened it up on the steering wheel. He fiddled the pen from his breast pocket and added another frantic dash under the " _Tell Her_ " heading.

He wrote in shaky block letters: _Maybe then she'll know why I can't live without her._


	9. Confession 1

Soul slumped into the seat, waving his list like a surrender flag. "I think I finished it."

"That's good to hear, but…"

He lifted his eyebrows in reply.

"Your captain called me today…" Mira tilted her head to finish the sentence, waiting for his voice to fill in the blank.

"Don't know about what," he grumbled in reply but the clench of his fist was enough of a tell for Mira.

Mira paused long enough to tap her pen into her pad a few times. "She said you accompanied a certain person at work today."

His other fist followed, denting the side of his list with a crinkle that burned in his ears. "Since when isn't it part of procedure for a cop to be there for an interrogation?"

"When it's the woman you love doing the interrogating," Mira answered calmly. "And when it puts you in a situation that could quite possibly bring up another certain memory of yours that you refuse to talk about."

"Look," Soul breathed out evenly. "I don't _refuse_ to talk about it. There's just no point."

"Then if I asked you, you'd explain what happened?" Mira's sweet lilt of innocence raised his hackles even higher, leaving crescent moons punched in Soul's palms.

"I'm sure there's a file on it," he grumbled.

"Yes."

"And not like you don't have Marie in your ear already," that edged even rougher from his throat.

"Yes," Mira tapped again, "but I want to hear it in your words."

Soul forced his fingers open, the paper drifting to the couch as the blood rushed back into his knuckles. There was a lock and a key, one in his chest and one in his hand and he had told himself they wouldn't meet again, that opening that just left a door open to a darkness that wasn't him, wasn't safe for her, and… his voice trembled from his lips, "I died, that's what Maka says."

"Your heart stopped, yes," Mira nodded.

"I think the doctor said blood loss," he shrugged weakly, shoulders just wobbling. "Didn't pay too much attention to a diagnosis, just…" Soul let a shaky hand fall to his shirt, untucking it as he displayed the start of a scar right above his hip. "My guts were out, right? That kid slashed down, hit me up here to here," he motioned towards his shoulder and let his hand slid just below his ribs, "that was just skin deep but after that downward momentum he brought a hell of a jab up, knife all the way in, tearing out my fucking guts." A trembling laugh followed as he dropped his shirt. "And all that's fine. Healed. Doc says he's shocked I can still digest regular food but apparently, I'm fucking immortal, right?"

"You're a man," Mira corrected softly. "And you died, or, really, almost did."

"Sure," he nodded shakily. "Is that it?"

Mira snorted a laugh, "No. That's the physical. What about the mental?"

"Nothing," he answered sharply.

"This doesn't work unless you put in work, Soul," Mira reminded.

Soul eased back, letting his head rest against the back of the couch, transporting himself back to the car, back to Maka yelling at him, back to that question she'd asked a million times and he hated more than popular hits on the radio. "I know it's not OK if I die." He waited for Mira to interrupt, to stop the snowflake before it became a blizzard. "I didn't _want_ to die - actually, I was scared shitless - but it was me or Maka. That's not a choice that really takes that long in my head."

He let a desperate sigh ease out of his lips. "Wasn't the kid's fault, either. He's sick, hears voices or whatever, and it didn't help that his mom was a psychopath, manipulated him and told him it was all Maka's fault, that Maka had to go."

"So you don't hold a grudge?"

Soul snorted an easy laugh, "Hell no. Again, not his fault. Even Maka doesn't, and she can hold some fucking doozies. You know she visits him like once a month?" He tilted his head so he could catch Mira's reaction.

She barely did, just an almost imperceivable rise in her left brow. "Does that bother you?"

He blinked back up at the ceiling, "Dunno. Didn't think about it."

"But if you thought about it now…"

He let out a grunting sigh, "Dunno."

"Soul…"

"Fine," he huffed. "I… maybe I'm kinda jealous in a weird way."

"Of what?"

He tossed weak hands into his lap, "Because I'm totally _not_ forgiven. You know those grudges I mentioned? Here's one of Maka's big ones: how dare I fucking try to die for her." Soul groaned pre-emptively, knowing the argument was about to come from Mira's lips just as it always came from Maka's. "And it's not like I blame her, I get it, watching me die probably wasn't so great but how can she not understand that my life means nothing without her here so of course I'm going to jump in front of a knife meant for her, or a gun, or whatever comes her fucking way because it's _her_."

"Because you've clearly explained that fact to her, right?"

Soul dropped his eyes to Mira just in time to see the amused smile pierce her lips. "Thought it was self-explanatory when I got my guts ripped out."

"Well, I guess that segues perfectly into your list," Mira motioned towards the paper.

His eyes darted over to the discarded, stained sheet, suddenly hesitating. "You wanna see it?"

Mira nodded slowly.

He sighed.

"Maybe you'd rather describe it?"

A secondary groan tumbled from his lips. "Look, I-" He grabbed the paper, crumpling it in his fist. "The list doesn't matter. I have to, right? It's bullshit to sit on it because… I want more. I admit that."

"That's good," Mira smiled but it wasn't for him, Soul's eyes still focused on the paper clenched between his fingers.

"I just… when?" He let out a trembling breath. "I tell her I love her the next time she fucks me? Or I just come out and say it over dinner if she'll even look me in the face because I pissed her off today and I…" His lip trembled and for a terrifying moment he felt the heat come to his eyes, that horrible threat of tears making his heart lurch. "I just want her to say yes," his voice was barely above a whisper.

"Say yes to what, Soul?"

That was an even muddier answer, one tangled so deeply that it'd choked fine lines into his heart. "That she sees me and that's still something she wants."

* * *

The apartment was quiet, filled with inky darkness except for the fine line of light under her doorway. Soul closed the front door behind him, letting a sigh out into the stretching hallway. He didn't cross his fingers for her door to open and instead moved into the kitchen to pour a glass of water before dialing the phone.

There were a few rings, almost enough to throw him into hopelessness before the click. "Oh, and to what do I owe this pleasure?" Liz chimed.

"Hey," he muttered. "Can you come over?"

"That sounded enthusiastic," her voice instantly dropped to a grumble with the sharp punctuation of a sigh. "I'm going to assume it's not for beer and pizza."

"Nope," he paused to gulp the water, trying to clear a passage for the words. "She's gonna need to talk and it can't be to me."

"What?" Liz asked softly, all playful pretenses dropped.

"I pissed her off today," he sighed. "I, uh… forgot how much she's hurtin' about the accident, too, but I'm… not up for it tonight, OK, Liz? But I don't want her sitting with it in her head."

"Got it," Liz expelled a long breath, heaving the rest of her opinion away. "I'll be right over."

"Just… tell her I went to Star's."

He almost hung up, the beat so long he was sure she'd just dove off, but an exasperated sigh kept the phone to his ear. "Soul…"

"What?"

"Have you ever…?" came sharply, the attitude he'd expected all along finally leeching back into her voice but cutting off quickly.

"What?" he repeated.

A sigh jumbled over the line. "It's stupid. I don't believe it."

"Don't believe what?" his fingers were tightening around the glass, possibilities already racing in his mind.

"Just… I think there's plenty of stuff that has to be cleared up between you two and while, _yes_ , I'm coming over, _no_ , I can't keep doing this forever."

Soul rolled his eyes only for the darkness to see. "Yeah, I get it."

"So do you really have to go to Star's?"

"Yeah," he replied weakly. "Tonight though. Just tonight and tomorrow I'm… I'm going to say _something_."

* * *

Maka lifted her head slowly, thoroughly prepared for some kind of annoyance. Honestly, her options were Star, _again_ , probably complaining about _not_ getting the Giriko interview even though that was barely a treat, or the man she was hopelessly in love with who had, like a complete and utter coward, not come home the night before. Teenage Maka, buried underneath the paperwork and the attempted rationality of grown Maka, was actually begging for the second option, sure that even though she wanted to punch that goofy smile in the face she was more than willing to see it if it meant she was seeing _him_.

_Could I be more pathetic?_

But neither was the result, instead, that tall, painfully angular man with jet black hair walked through the door without ceremony or permission. "Ms. Albarn, I heard you interviewed my client without council."

"You say that like I refused him council, Mr. Arana." _Mosquito, in my office, what a joy!_ "But I can assure you that everything was done by the book."

Maka's sweetness fell flat on Mosquito's face. "My client said you brought along a detective…"

"Detective Sergeant Evans, yes." Maka bit at the inside of her lip to stop from expanding. _Only absolutely necessary information._

"For what reason?"

"I was attacked this time last year on a case, Mr. Arana," Maka snapped back dryly. "So I have a tendency to bring an officer with me when I interview people outside of my office, is that a problem?"

Mosquito's lips puckered momentarily before he raised his eyebrows and a hand in innocence. "Of course not, Ms. Albarn. I was simply inquiring as to whether or not there were criminal charges that should be brought to my attention."

She feigned a fair amount of shock, "I would _never_ dream of not informing you of legal proceedings."

A derisive little snort left Mosquito's lips. "Ms. Albarn-" his voice cut off as his head dipped over his shoulder.

_Speak of the Devil…_

Soul didn't peek in the door, nor did he temper his steps as he got into the room. He only paused for a moment, eyes flicking cooly to Mosquito before making his way to Maka's desk.

"And here he is now," Maka put Soul on display as he leaned towards her and placed one of the coffees in his hand in front of her. "Mr. Arana was concerned about whether or not we followed protocol the other day when we interviewed Mr. Saw."

Soul brought an aloof look back to Mosquito, "What? Want my badge number?"

Maka resisted the frown that wanted to come in reply before she gulped in a breath. "Is that all you wanted to speak to me about, Mr. Arana?"

"Actually," Mosquito perked a smile. "I got all the information I need."

"Then if you don't mind," Maka motioned towards the door before dropping her head back to the files on her desk, not acknowledging any further movement from either man. That didn't mean that Soul left her periphery, just standing at the edge of her desk with fingers tapping to the wood. It was an intense game of chicken and that foolish side of her was begging to lose, to look up at those red eyes and wish that they had something there for her. Instead, she focused on the letters that weren't making sense on the page, just a flurry of characters that didn't matter.

"You busy this weekend?"

"I don't know," she answered sharply, practically on the curl of his question mark.

"Will you go somewhere with me?"

Maka was still refusing to give in but the lines on the page wavered with the unsteady saturation in her eyes. "Where?"

"Just somewhere," came back softly.

She chewed on her lip, "Maybe. I'll think about it."

"OK," he folded easily and his hands left her desk, his feet moving him out of the corner of her eye.

Her eyes hit his back and all her mind could do was beg, even though her mouth wouldn't formulate the words. _What's happening to us, Soul?_

As if he'd heard her question he froze, his hand coming to the door of her office and shutting it softly. He turned, his eyes hitting her with a strike of lightning down her spine and his words murmuring like they were in her ear, "I know I'm a coward for saying this here. You're at work, so you can't yell at me, can't start a fight, and most likely won't cry so, yeah, Maka, I know I'm a goddamn coward."

Her lower lip trembled open but nothing came, no admonishment, half because he was right and the rest because that new look that she kept seeing in his eyes was back, that sweeping sadness.

"It's _not_ OK if I die," he paused to suck in a low, slow breath and she noticed his hand was trembling against the doorknob behind him. "It's not, and I don't want to, and I haven't wanted to since we met. So don't think that. Stop thinkin' that." Soul let his hand swing back to his side, the momentum taking him a step back towards her. "I'm sorry that I made you think I was ever going to go back on my promise, Maka, but I'm always gonna be around. That hasn't changed."

Maka pressed her hand against her mouth as if she needed to catch the words but really there was no tide to stem. Her mind was empty except for those eyes and that faint memory of being in his old bedroom.

"So, I…" that trembled in his throat, his voice breaking and forcing him to clear his throat. "I want you to forgive me for doing that. Not for protecting you because I can't stop that, but for making you think that. Please."

"You can't always protect me," barely eked out of her throat, that old echo of every fight coming back to her.

"Yeah," came as a gravely whisper from his throat. "I'm trying to get that, Maka. I am. But that sure as hell doesn't mean I don't _want_ to."

"I know." Maka let her hand slip away, revealing a sorry excuse for a smile. It was lopsided, pulled down by the weight of an argument that she realized she so desperately wanted to let go. "Is this… what you talked about with the doctor?"

His jaw tightened, an audible click echoing between them. "Well, yeah. I guess."

Maka tried to press the ugly feeling away, the grim, disjointed monster of betrayal. "Then it's helping?"

He waved a weak hand, "I'm trying."

"It looks like it," she murmured back.

A swallow clicked in his throat, "So, you think you can do that, forgive me, that is?"

She tilted her head, resting it on her palm as she leaned into her elbow. "I'm trying, too."

He nodded slowly, "OK."

"And I'm still thinking about this weekend," she murmured as she let her eyes fall to the coffee cup, her finger tapping against the plastic rim. "Bribing me with coffee doesn't change that, even if I did need this. Thank you."

"Yeah, no problem," he laughed weakly in return but she heard it end with a sigh. "I'll see you tonight."

Maka didn't offer an answer since none really fit at the moment, nothing could possibly encompass all the tumultuousness of wanting him to stay and go in the same breath. She wanted to pass it off again as a childish thing, that teenage want that had made her pine over him probably since the moment they met even though at first she stubbornly denied it, but as she watched his frame twist through the door, her mind couldn't help whispering. _Is it childish to want to spend the rest of your life with him?_


	10. Interlude: Whispers in the Dark

"Well?"

"The Detective was there. You're not so stupid after all."

A snap of a tongue and then, "What else did you find out?"

"It's obvious there's something going on… I did a little extra digging. They live together."

"Thought so. Little Queen Bee Blondie had that Sergeant wrapped around her finger."

"I still don't understand what peeves you about this or why-"

"You don't get to question what I want," snapped back. "That little bitch is putting her nose where it doesn't belong. Asking about the cabin? The warehouse? I'm going to teach her snooping, thinking she's got a _thing_ on me isn't going to fly."

There was a pause, a shuffle, then, "Miss Arachne, you can't possibly tell me you're alright with this."

"Why wouldn't she be? I do enough around here to get what I want, right? And all I want is to show that little bitch-"

"Darling," a soft voice interrupted with all the power of a roar. "Is it really what you want?"

"Fuck _yes_ ," came purring back. "And it shouldn't be up for argument. We hurt her, we hurt him at the same time. Show those DA bastards and the cops that they have _nothing_ and all they get for trying is the destruction of their own."

An exasperated sigh, "But the Sergeant-"

"You think I'm stupid enough for that?" A hearty laugh echoed. "He has to leave her alone sometimes. She can't be spreading her legs every minute of every day for that fuckwad."

"As long as you play it smart," that delicate voice slipped through the darkness. "You can have the girl."


	11. Little Guard Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can I ever tone down the angst? No. I'm sorry. Bring tissues. I might be going overboard, but I hope you still love it.

Maka had everything spread out on the coffee table, shuffling papers to create tenuous lines between facts and ideas. Giriko crossed with Arachne next to Mosquito aligned with a myriad of crimes around the city. There wasn't anything in particular, not just racketeering, or strange flow of funds, but murders were sewn in, some so gruesome that Maka had flipped the photos over even though she could still draw the details from her mind on those blank backs. She wanted to see that warehouse because part of her had been sure that it was a hub of activity, but Giriko had given her nothing to give her the rights to go there, to snoop around.

"Stuck?" Soul settled into the couch behind her, knees tapping at her shoulder as he leaned forward and let his head sneak next to hers.

"I need to get in there," Maka pointed to the grey building. "But so far there's no reason."

"Giriko was a bust." His nod was practically rubbing his cheek to hers and without really putting much thought into it Maka spanned the molecule of distance and let her cheek rest on his. Soul cleared his throat, humming into her skin. "You try Arachne, or is that Stein's catch?"

"I could interview her…" Maka sighed. "Not like Stein said 'no' or anything, just… she's smart, Soul. It would take a lot to trap her. A spider rarely gets stuck in its own web."

"You're smart," he murmured back.

Maka hummed happily, "Sure."

"You want to interview her, do it." His knee nudged into her shoulder and Maka released the gentle press of their cheeks to turn her head to catch his eyes.

 _Will you come with me?_ wanted to be the next question off of her lips but she waited in the pause, to see if he'd jump and disprove that nebulous promise he'd made in her office. _He can't always protect me. I can't always ask him to protect me._ "Maybe I'll ask her to stop by the office if she has time."

She watched his eyebrows wither and then grow, his glare making its way across the table. "You know, Maka…"

"What?"

"Her web," he murmured before reaching his arm around her and tapping at different pages, assortments of names. "Use her strings, Maka. Start small, right? Don't go for her if she's too smart for it but use all these little connections, the little people she uses and abuses along the way and band 'em together. You're good at doing the talkin', so get to them first."

"You sound like a beat cop again." Her soft laugh brought his eyes back to her face, a start to a smirk stretching across his lips. "Maybe you want to help?"

"Yeah," he nodded slowly. "If you'll let me."

"How about…" Maka let her eyes drift away even though it was like pulling a barb from beneath her nail to miss that smile. Her finger pressed into a section of the map in the right hand corner of the table. "You start around there, near the warehouse, see if you can't get a lay of the land and I'll take the underlings that might have something to do with the cabin?"

Soul's baritone buzz filled her ear. "Why's that cabin so interesting?"

Maka sighed, "I get the same feeling for Giriko as you do and I think that's his _private_ spot." She didn't notice the shake until her hand hovered over one of the pictures, a terrifying monster that sometimes slunk into her dreams. "All the money, the shady business, all of it bothers me, but this…" her nail just tapped the blank back that covered so much woe. "Killing someone in cold blood is one thing but torturing them like this. Girls who-"

As her voice broke Soul pressed his hand over hers, flattening it against the back of the image. "Maybe you want to switch, then." It wasn't a question, a tinge of order but the softness in his fingers negated any spite.

"No," Maka shook her head firmly this time, flexing her hand under his. "That's where I need to be."

"Alright." Soul left his hand there for a breath before letting his fingers delicately sweep to her wrist, almost daring to slip to her arm before the buzz in his pocket brought his hand jutting back. He moved to take the stuttering rectangle from his pocket before letting it sit in his hand, the illuminated screen staring him down with the name he didn't want to see.

"Answer it," Maka murmured as she tilted the screen towards him.

His jaw tightened as he tapped the green button and put the phone to his ear. "Hey, Mom."

Soul barely heard it as words, just more of a painful buzz that set his teeth on edge. "Your father hasn't come back yet and I need someone to drive me."

"Why can't you just order a car?" Soul grumbled back as he leaned away from Maka, even his feet shuffling to get rid of the cage she was in.

"Why can't my son come and help his mother?"

"Then call Wes," came muttering back with all the weakness and none of the hatred he wanted to place there. Nothing came back from her, just the standard period of silence before he crumbled. "OK, fine." He hung up before any self-righteous tone could twitter back and smashed the phone into the couch cushion. As he pressed forward, ready to catapult out of the couch, her hand came to his knee, freezing any other movement. "I have to go."

"I know," but her hand clenched tighter into the fabric of his jeans as her voice barely reached higher than a whisper, "seeing her hurts you, Soul."

"Sure," he answered back quickly. His hand fell on top of hers again but this time to scrape hers away, to try to throw away the connection.

It was futile, Maka's hand quickly snapping to his wrist instead and forcing him still, forcing his eyes back to hers just in time to see the iron there. "I want to come with you."

The words barely registered, his spine stiffening as a choking grunt came from his throat.

"Don't tell me no," she followed the order with another, tightening the hold on him.

"Where's the please?" he whispered back breathlessly.

"Please," she amended quickly but there wasn't a smile to follow, just the crinkle of her forehead.

"Maka, that stuff…" _Is what I can't let you see. It's a side of me that's dark, ugly, and I barely keep it locked up so if you see it, if you look at me there, what-_

Maka turned quickly, on bended knee with a pleading voice that sent a crinkle of static to his stomach. "Let me protect you."

* * *

When did he not cave to her? Bend to her will? Soul could probably count the times on one hand and this moment was not adding to it, Maka staring steadily in the passenger seat as he drove. There was a middle ground, Soul forcing her to give him time to call his mother again, convince her that she'd just let him run whatever errand as if he didn't know what it was, and then return to her. Lessen the trips and exposure. Lessen the time and the chances of Maka seeing the real truth in it. _Who am I kidding, she already knows._

It was obvious by the stop, the bag that he came back with clinked as the bottles nestled together uncomfortably. Each turn of the car brought the shameful sound again, one that had buried itself into his bones and made them ache. He couldn't even draw up the strength to look her in the face, especially as her hand so gently and without hesitation sat on top of his on the gear shift. Even with the final lurching stop, that cacophonous wind chime coming from the backseat burning his ears, he never attempted another look at her.

"Stay here," he muttered but her hand refused to move.

"Are you sure?"

He gave a sharp nod instead of a word and she allowed his hand to slip away. Soul rocked from the seat as he opened the door, stopping only to open the back and slip out the package. There was a risk in it, but as he reached the door Soul took it, letting his glance come over his shoulder to meet hers through the windshield. _Don't look._

The door creaked, the same old tap of his shoes against the marble floor echoing in the hauntingly empty foyer. "Soul, is that you?" The creaking voice only added to the ghostly chill up his spine but he still turned his feet for the kitchen, following its flow. "It's only polite to answer."

"Who else would it be?" he murmured as he eased the package onto the countertop. When he lifted his head the vision was always the same, the mahogany eyes that were rimmed red, the puff to her cheeks that should be a girlish pink but were more a swollen red, her white-blond hair barely smoothed into place.

"If you didn't want to come…" She was waving her hand dismissively while the other already started digging through her cache. "Soul, I thought I asked-"

"Mom," he tried to cut her off, his hand coming to the top of the bag to slide it out of her grasp. "You have to slow down. It's less because-"

"I didn't ask for your opinion," she spat as she slapped away his hand. "I asked you to do _one_ thing for me, Soul Evans."

"Mom, please," he started but it fizzled from his lips as she started to arrange the bottles on the granite. His fingers spread on the cool stone, trying to convince his heart to adopt the same chill.

"How are you feeling?" She bypassed his beg entirely as she opened one of the bottles to add more to the glass next to her that wasn't even half empty.

"Fine," he murmured. "Mom, I - I can't stay. I have somewhere-"

"For work?" She eyed him up and down. "You're not dressed for it."

"No, not work, just…" _Maka. She's in the car. She's waiting, and I'm already halfway to losing it, and if she sees that, sees me-_

"Then you can stay," his mother added firmly. "You're probably not even back at work, are you? That ridiculous forced leave that they had you take. Anyone can see you're fine."

 _I'm sick, Mom,_ he wanted to murmur back. _So sick, so poisoned, and I feel it every time I look at you, and maybe the doctor's gonna start helping but right now, this minute, I feel so sick._ "I'm leaving," barely eked from his lips and he turned, taking a few aching steps toward the door. Talon-like nails clamped into the back of his neck, jutting his head forward and down and his eyes to the floor. "Mom," squealed from his throat, a voice that was nothing like the man he was now but too much like a fifteen-year-old, like every time she put her hands on him.

"Why can't you just listen to anything I tell you to do?" She shook him again and Soul did nothing, limply letting her move him towards her. "I am your mother, I am-"

"Get your hands off of him!"

Every last bit of muscle seized, his heart giving one last lurching beat before all of him crumbled. _No, no, no, no,_ came as a million shouts in his head.

"Who the hell are you?"

Soul felt the hand fall on top of his mothers, prying it away while the other grasped at the front of his shirt, bringing him towards her. "We haven't met before, Mrs. Evans, but I'm Maka Albarn, and if you _ever_ touch your son like that again-"

"Who the hell is this woman?"

"We're leaving," he managed to groan out as he took stumbling steps into Maka, pressing her into the hallway.

"Soul-"

"We're fucking leaving!" It should have been a barking command but it was more of a desperate, feral bray that wasn't even for her ears, just for him to drown out the horrific chorus as his mind sang out every last thing Maka had seen.

"Soul Evans!" his mother's wounded voice was echoing but the clamor of the front door cut it short.

He was frantically fumbling with the keys in his hands when suddenly hers were over them, calmly cradling the wreck of his fingers. "Let me drive." Without anything else, she stole them from him, opened the driver's side, and disappeared into the car.

Soul desperately drew in breath, the air feeling thin and useless as he let frantic eyes peel back towards the house. The door was still slammed shut but he imagined his mother clattering through it, those perfectly manicured fingers coming back for his throat. He barely swallowed it all away as he shakily moved to the passenger side, slipping inside and closing the door behind him just in time for that vision to come true, for his mother to catapult out on the doorstep. "Just go," he murmured, eyes locked on those vicious ones glaring through the windshield.

The car skidded away, Maka taking the order seriously as she rushed down the driveway and into the road. Soul leaned forward, digging his elbows into his knees as he hid his face in his hands. There was no hope, not an ounce of it in his heart, that there was a way to explain this, to make it not exist in the world they lived in as he'd been trying to do since they met. Aching fingers pressed into his skin, leaving painful pinpricks at his hairline as they drifted into his hair to tug at the white strands brutally. He wanted to scream, to let the tears stream down his face, but instead, the regular old chill washed over him, drying his ducts and stealing any hope of words from his mouth.

That mask was clinging to his face and making him swallow back the pain, shelving it again and making his mind start to arrange how he'd excuse this to her, how the best way to hide the truth in his own words would be without actually lying to her. Maka somehow let him have his silence, even as she parked the car in the parking deck, even as they walked across the street to the apartment complex, up to the elevator, and to the front door. She broke it with a hand on his arm, a soft voice resounding in the silence of the hallway. "Soul…"

All of it bitterly rose back up into his throat as he wrenched his arm away, steady footsteps bringing him to his bedroom where he could slam the door. He knew she wasn't far behind but he still clicked the lock, watching as the knob jiggled.

"Soul, let me in."

He couldn't reply, the bile choking him as he watched the knob continue to shudder.

"I knew about the drinking," her voice was clear and strong through the door as if the boundary didn't matter.

Soul pressed his hand to the wood, wishing it would suddenly become sturdy enough to block any more.

"You told me, remember?" The door creaked as she leaned her weight into it. "Once, you let it slip when I asked you about coming to live with your Aunt Cheryl."

He tightened his jaw, the burn of a tear getting away from him drifting down one cheek.

"So let me the hell in," her voice cracked, "you can't hide it from me anymore."

"I can't," he murmured. _I can't let you see me like this. I can't let you see this. I'm not Soul right now, I'm, I'm, what the fuck am I?_

"You can," she forced back, the crack of her fist echoing through to his side. "Because something's happening to you, I know that, and I… you're making me feel like you're leaving and you promised."

If there was clarity in his mind he'd see the ploy but with the painful fuzz, all he could feel was the fear, the threat to the promise that was so core to him. He flicked the lock on the door, groaning as the knob almost instantly turned. His back moved with it, putting that between her and him, obscuring the face that his mask had slipped from.

Warm fingers touched his back, a soft voice drifting by his shoulder. "Before the accident, you had cut her out, didn't you?"

Soul's head bobbed weakly in the affirmative.

"Why did you go back?"

"She saw me at the hospital," he murmured. "They called her, but she was too drunk when it happened so… it was while you were gone."

Her forehead connected with his spine, a delicate press as a long breath fluttered against his shirt. "I didn't leave you for very long."

A laugh barely bubbled from his throat, "She didn't stay for very long."

"So you've been seeing her since the accident?"

"Just the times I told you."

Maka's fingers slid down to his sides and around him, pulling his back to her chest tightly. "She is _not_ going to touch you like that again."

His eyes popped wide especially as she fastened herself closer to him.

"I can't stop you from seeing her," it wasn't a sweet murmur against his back but a slowly increasing order. "It's not my place but _no one_ not _anyone_ is allowed to do that to you, do you hear me?"

"Maka," he wheezed out her name, half the pressure on his diaphragm and the other just the surprise. _She's angry. Not at me, not at what I am or what I was doing, but at her. She's angry for me like I should be but can't._

"And I know you won't, you can't tell me now," her voice was quaking with rage just as much as her arms around him. "But I want to know how many times that's happened. I want to know if that's what you had to go through because I - Soul, I can't stand it. I can't stand the idea that someone would-"

"OK," he murmured. "It's OK, Maka."

"No, it's not!" she burst out against his back and he could feel the moisture start to leach into his shirt.

Soul took in the first real breath since they'd left, filling his aching chest with much-needed air and the start of the slow return of his senses. The fear was ebbing away, especially as her fingers showed no inclination for stopping their determined cling to him. "Yeah, you're right, it's not, but… I get what you're saying, OK?"

"Which means you're not going to see her alone."

He let out a long, low sigh, "Because you're coming along like a little guard dog, like today?"

"Yes."

"How'd I get myself into this?" he muttered to the room but found his hands slowly coming to her arms, not to pry them away but to steal more warmth from her skin.

"By being an idiot and not asking for help in the first place," she murmured. "And you better be bringing this up to the doctor."

That bought him pause, another slow breath as he tried to flick his head over his shoulder to catch a glance at her. "Wasn't high on my list."

"It should be," she grumbled back. "The attack, then this. I don't see what else there is to talk about."

 _You_ , he wanted to let out with a trembling laugh. _I talk about you because you know what? The accident, my mom, my job, none of it matters at the end of the day, especially if I have this._ "Don't worry, I'm not wasting my time if that's what you think."

"I didn't say that," she sighed as one of her hands climbed to his chest, taking up space over his heart. "Soul, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

There was a pause, her feet shuffling behind him as her fingers tapped a note against the beating in his chest. "Maybe I was wrong."

"'Bout what?"

"The doctor," came a murmur so small it was almost lost and he couldn't help but let a laugh tremble from his mouth. "What are you laughing about?"

"You admitting you're wrong, that's new." He felt her trying to get away so he grasped at her hand, keeping it right over the steadying beat of his heart. "I was… I was afraid you thought it was me keepin' things from you. But it's… the doctor is me trying to figure out how to say the things to you. You know I've always been shit with words, so… you understand it now?"

"Yes," she nodded into his back. "So, I'm sorry. I get it now and… I'm glad you're going."

Why his fingers moved so automatically he couldn't tell you, and even though the motion was completely alien to him it came smoothly all the same. He plucked her hand from his chest and brought it upwards, letting those delicate fingers drift over his cheek until he brought it to his lips. Brushing a kiss across her knuckles was an entirely new sensation and it made her breath catch behind him. Soul wished he could see her face, know what those eyes were speaking to him the moment he pressed her hand there. All he could do was bring the hand back to his chest, let her feel the way that had kicked his heart up to a gallop in his chest.


	12. Interlude: Texts on a Screen

" _Nothing."_

" _Nothing."_

" _Nothing."_

" _Left together."_

" _Came back together."_

" _Nothing."_

" _Nothing."_

" _Seriously, boss, they're always together."_

" _Work - they leave together."_

" _Night - they get back together."_

" _Asshole follows her like a dog in heat."_

" _Seriously, boss, can we leave?"_

" _ **No, stay posted."**_

" _Nothing."_

" _Nothing."_

" _Left together."_

" _Back - but upset. Something's up."_

" _ **If he leaves, tell me ASAP."**_

" _FYI, the park in the garage across the street."_

" _Looks like they're staying in. Make-up sex must be great."_

" _ **You stay there until he leaves her alone."**_


	13. To Set A Date

Soul was kissing along her inner thigh and Maka was catching her breath. She was still rattled from the ecstasy, that hum in each and every vein that came from what his tongue could do to her and the fact that he seemed entirely disinterested in leaving that post. While he toyed there, not showing an inkling of leaving the position between her legs and just now moving to graze his teeth against her skin, Maka was slowly coming out of her haze to come to the realization that had been sitting on the edge of her mind: _We're just having sex._

Not that all the myriad of times before weren't having sex, but this was entirely different. Maybe he'd given her a look, she couldn't have even been all that sure, but right before he wandered to bed, the two of them parting ways like they sometimes did, there had been a mutual pause, the two of them dawdling at the doorway and for once, Maka didn't stop herself. What the rationale was somewhere still lost in the fog of once again finding herself moaning his name, but all the same, she followed him into his room, dangling her lips so close to his that he had no choice but to bridge the gap.

She hadn't been upset.

She hadn't been afraid of losing him.

If anything the past few days since the episode at his mother's had left her with a wisp of surety.

He'd even kissed her hand - _kissed her hand_ \- like some dainty gentleman in a period romance.

 _So maybe we're not just having sex_ … Maka let her eyes flick down to him, meeting that fiery red that had been watching her face. _What if, right now, we're actually making love? What if… what if just for this second I can pretend like he does love me? Like this is us, this is what we could be if…_ As if to answer her his lips tucked between her legs again, eyes still on her, inquisitively waiting for her reaction. This is where she would rush him, pull him out of any chance of continuing but with a shaky breath, Maka just tilted her head back and let her hand wander into his hair. _Just for this second, I'm going to pretend that he does._

Soul didn't disappoint her, repeating his previous motions with a vigor that brought her to another almost terrifying rush of euphoria that claimed just about every last ounce of her senses. That was why as he finally crawled up from between her legs wearing a smirk that was so laced with joy she could barely stand it, she rolled him over on the bed, straddled him, and for once didn't let him set a pace. Instead of the usual silence, she heard a few errant curses leave his lips, one hand clutching tightly at her hip while the other grasped at her breast, his head grinding back into the bed. His usual grunt came laced with a sigh but like always, he instantly dropped his hands away from her.

Maka didn't make her exit, instead leaning forward and tucking her head into the crux of his neck. Her hands felt anchorless, so she pressed them into the bed, clutching at the sheets at his sides. A few slow breaths rose her on his chest before a tentative hand touched the back of her neck, sinking under her silky tresses. "Where are we going this weekend?" she murmured into the cord of his neck.

Soul cleared his throat. "Last I checked you were still thinkin' about it."

"I am." Her thumb rubbed along his rib. "But where would we go?"

"Maybe I have an idea…"

Maka raised her head, daring to see the teasing smile and letting it press her heart into a thunderous beat. "So you're not going to tell me?"

He took a slow breath before tilting his head on the pillow. "Tell me whether or not you'll go."

"It's hard to choose when I don't know where I'm going," she whispered back.

All he did was settle his eyebrows.

"Fine," she huffed. "I'll go."

"Sounds like a hardship," he muttered.

"Soul, just tell me."

"Don't you…" His eyes flicked towards the door then back to her. "Shouldn't you get cleaned up first?"

"Don't complain, I'll change your sheets," she rolled her eyes before narrowing them on him again. "Are you trying to avoid the question?"

He laughed weakly, just a barely-there snort of air from his nose before he reached over to the bedside table and picked up his phone. "Here."

Maka searched his face just for a moment, watching for that hint of nervousness as if having free access to his phone would bring him some kind of anxiety but instead his face was even, easy, maybe even with a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. He'd opened the browser for her, a mobile website with a beautiful cascade of lights and colors.

"It's some art thing," the comment came easily with a shrug, "but it looks nice."

"Looks beautiful," Maka whispered into the screen. "That's where you want to go?" Her eyes peeped over the phone, catching those scarlet ones watching her closely.

"Why? Think I can't appreciate art?" he snickered.

"No," Maka laughed back. "You get bored thirty minutes into a movie. Maybe I was expecting music or some kind of… Well, _music_ , since you're so snooty."

"It's not my fault you have shit taste," he continued to cackle as her palm slammed to his chest. "Hey, quit it." Soul knocked his phone haphazardly from her grasp as she rolled her over in bed, most certainly ruining the sheets in the process but not seeming to give it a second thought. "Seriously, you'll go?"

"I said yes," she sighed. "And it's not like-" Her words lost all strength as his lips hovered back close to hers, the heat of his chest blaring against her skin. "Soul…?"

"Can I kiss you?" The question was almost laughable between two naked bodies tangled together in bed but it was uttered with all seriousness.

 _After you make love, don't you stay together? Don't you kiss and talk and make plans like this? Instead of running to the bathroom to cover up the fact that every time you have sex with him it makes you want to cry?_ "That's the first time you've asked," she echoed him with barely a breath.

She heard the click of his swallow, and then his own mimicry, "Should I not?"

 _Is this what you want, Soul?_ tried to urge from her lips but all that came was a trembling sigh as she bridged that tiny breath of space to press her lips back to his.

* * *

"Maka, you're still here!" Liz slipped into her office. "It's late, isn't it?"

"I could say the same thing to you, right?" Maka grinned.

"Oh, you know Star, never fucking prepared so here I am dropping off _another_ case file so he can decide _not_ to read it tonight and make this trip utterly useless!" Liz huffed as she dropped into the chair in front of Maka's desk. "No Soul tonight?"

"Oh," Maka shrugged. "It's not like we go home together every night…"

Liz rolled her eyes.

"He's been out interviewing for me," Maka finally caved with a grumble. "He's been seeing if we can't get into the warehouse… and he's actually found some great stuff, some underlings-"

"But how's _he_ been?" Liz cut into her words since work was rarely something she wanted to talk about with Maka. Living vicariously through this will-they-won't-they romance had become a permanent replacement for soaps.

Maka sighed and leaned into her elbow. "Different, but… the same. I don't _know_. It's all been… so weird with him going to the doctor. I thought it was going to shut him up even more but, Liz, seriously, the other day he admitted it."

"That he loves you?" Liz burst without hesitation.

A ferocious blush touched her cheeks, "Liz, I told you-"

"Yeah, yeah, that story from a million years ago," Liz huffed. "Seriously, he was eighteen. If he was talking about you - _which I'm not even convinced about_ \- then it was definitely a lie because, _Maka_ , come on! You hold hands, you lounge on the couch, I get that he hasn't tried to pry open your legs but some guys are like that, you know? And Soul is… surprisingly delicate."

 _Like when he asked if he could kiss me even after he'd just 'pried open my legs.'_ _It was sweet, so sweet, and… for a second I was pretty sure it was all a lie, too, that none of that ever happened or I imagined it or…_ "He… admitted he wasn't trying to die for me, that's all. He finally said something about the attack, finally talked about it more than just to tell me to forget it. And I thought maybe he was just saying what I wanted to hear, but he was trembling. He meant it and he asked me to forgive him."

"Forgive him?" Liz's mouth dropped to her chest. "And you obviously said, 'Yes, Soul, I forgive you for saving my life by stepping in front of a knife for me' back, right?"

"Well," Maka rolled the sound off her tongue, trying to buy time and thought.

"Maka Albarn! Seriously?" Liz catapulted forward in the chair. "What the hell is there to forgive?"

 _For doing that and not being in love with me_ , the answer came with the ease of her breath but always the same painful hesitation. The answer just had no sense to it, and she wondered sometimes what his face would be if she said it, if she finally let that rest between the two of them. _I'm so angry with you because you won't love me. Because you do all these things for me, for all intents and purposes are with me, but you're not in love with me. Shouldn't you just let me go? Wouldn't it have been easier, so much less of a burden, if you just watched me die that night?_

"Earth to Maka!" Liz growled. "If you can't think of the answer to that, maybe you're _wrong._ "

A tiny noise croaked from her throat and Maka pressed a hand to her mouth to catch it. _I'll forgive him if he just says that he loves me, if he could just do that much and I… maybe I don't even care if it's a lie at this point, if he's saying it just to make me feel better. The past few weeks… I keep thinking maybe, maybe, and each time it kills me to let the hope in, so I need him to kill it. I need to hear him say it._ She let her fingers rest over trembling lips before she let anything sneak through, "Maybe I am… maybe that's why I said yes to going out tomorrow."

"Like a date?" Liz balked again.

The word suddenly hit her with the entirety of its weight. "I… don't know."

"He asked you, specifically, about going somewhere tomorrow night?"

"Yes."

Liz shot each one of these off with a finger, her grin getting wider with each digit. "Soul, the boy who lets all plans come to him, who definitely _never_ kept a calendar or datebook and would probably rather be run over hot coals than make plans ahead of time?"

Maka nodded somberly.

"Definition of a date," Liz cooed. "Where?"

"An art show," Maka waved her hands before amending, "Like one of those light show things. I think it's called an interactive light exhibit?"

"Maka," Liz groaned. "That's romantic, and not just some stupid movie where he could ignore you for a few hours. Seriously, Maka, if this isn't a date I'll lick the bottom of my shoe."

Maka let out a weak laugh, "I don't know. We go places together all the time. Most of my weekends are spent doing something with him anyway, so how is this different?"

"When's the last time he asked?" Her voice was firm, not even letting the question drift before the next clobbered over top of it. "When's the last time it wasn't just a default that it was you and him? When was the last time that he made sure to let you know that you weren't just a given, you were a choice?"

A hazy quiver of heat rippled from her guts to her cheeks. "Maybe it's… maybe it's a date."

* * *

" _Came home with another girl. Go in?"_

" _ **No. Her alone."**_

" _Will wait for girl to leave."_

" _Nvm, fuckboy came home, other girl still there."_

" _Boss, seriously, blondie is never alone."_

" _ **Fuck. Fine. Tomorrow, plan B."**_


	14. Home Alone

"So you're going out tonight?" Mira raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, but…" Soul cleared his throat. "I, uh, don't want to talk about that."

"Again, Soul, if you want this to work-"

"I have to do the work, yeah," he grumbled. "I mean, there's something else."

"Oh?"

There was another anxious tremble in his throat, a force of air that didn't do a thing to stop the way it threatened to tighten and close on him. "I don't think I've ever said this out loud."

Mira didn't offer anything more than a gentle stare.

"But Maka told me to talk about it, so…"

Her eyebrow moved a speck, "Did you talk to her about it?"

A bitter laugh hit his lips, "Barely, but… I let her see it. I didn't think that would ever happen."

"See what?"

"My mom," Soul brought down to just barely above the sound of his own breathing. "It's nothin' new but… she's always hit me." For a shuddering second, he could feel those nails digging into the back of his neck again, the burn of bruised and beaten skin. "Don't remember anything different."

"So since you were younger?"

"Yeah," Soul croaked. "But it's the drinking. That's what it is because… well, Wes never got any of this, my older brother, but she didn't start drinking until-" The words shriveled on his tongue.

"When, Soul?"

His fist clenched before he started to rub the knuckles into the meat of his thigh. "Until she made the mistake of havin' me."

"Why do you call that a mistake?"

Another burning laugh wheezed from his throat, "Because I was. You think a ten-year difference is planned? Or how about bothering to have another kid after your first son is _perfect_. A fucking gem."

"Is that what she says to you?"

"Too many times to count," Soul muttered as he let his eyes drift over to the window. "Wes is a good son. Wes is successful. Wes - where the fuck is Wes?" he spat with vicious finality. "You wanna know? He's _gone_ , cut her the fuck off because she raised her hand to him _once_. Because he was old enough, you know? He could get the fuck out because he had a choice but _me_ -" Soul cut off with a huff of air.

"Don't cut yourself off," Mira encouraged with a roll of her wrist. "How long did you live with that?"

"'Til sophomore year," Soul gritted through a tight jaw. "I threatened Dad. Told him I wasn't going to keep my mouth shut unless he let me go live with my aunt, Cheryl."

"You never reported your mother?"

"No," he sighed. "What's the fucking point? I didn't want to hurt her - she was hurt enough - I just didn't want to live with that anymore."

"What do you mean, she was hurt?"

Soul shook his head, "Something's gotta be wrong with her, right? Drunk most of the day, hits me whenever she wants… she's broken but I'll don't fucking know what it is. But I… I used to think maybe it was somethin' my dad did. That's why he felt guilty enough to let me go. To turn the other way while she did all the shit she did."

"Cheryl was your mother's sister?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Total opposite of Mom. High-powered businesswoman - couldn't produce an emotion even if you were slaughtering kittens in front of her. So she left me alone. That was fine."

"You said you met Maka sophomore year."

Soul nodded slowly, letting his tongue flick over his lips to pave the way for the next set of words. "She was the first person I ever let near me." He brought cool eyes back to Mira, a sudden stoniness in his features that sent a chill down her spine. "I was the fuck-up, the useless son, and I didn't leave to fix all that. Cheryl's was a good place to curl up and die and that's what I expected but then… she showed up. She had every opportunity to leave - I was a piece of shit to her, teased her, didn't even learn how to show any kind of fucking softness until at least a year into us being together and that was already too fucking long."

"Why do you think she stayed?"

"The same reason she stays now," his voice hit a trembling note, those cold eyes suddenly darting to his hands to cover up the crumbling. "She feels sorry for me."

Mira offered a quick hum before she sucked in a long breath. "You said she saw it."

"Yeah," he muttered as his eyes searched over the scars on his knuckles. "She came with me to my mom's. I had her wait in the car but… Maka's Maka, so she charged in there when I took too long. Saw my mom with her hands on me and…" Soul brought a shaking hand to the base of his neck as if he could press away the fingers still there.

"What did she do, Soul?"

"Protected me," he whispered back breathlessly. "Took me home. Told me I couldn't go alone anymore. Kind of just… ordered me around like usual." A weak laugh followed as he continued to rub the ghostly wisps from his neck.

"And that makes you think she felt sorry for you?"

His head pitched back slightly, the idea hitting him and taking him back. "I guess… no. She wasn't soft about it, she was _angry_." Soul's eyes narrowed as he brought them back to Mira. "She was pissed and you know what, if I had left her there, not dragged us out as soon as she saw it, I think she would have gone after my mom. Hell, she was ready with the 'if you ever touch your son like that again' line." Laughing came a little easier and he sucked in another breath, "I'm not glad she saw it but… that reaction was so Maka it made it all OK. She… you're right, it wasn't feeling sorry for me. It was taking care of me."

"Does that make you feel less afraid about telling her tonight?"

"Fuck no."

* * *

Soul let the words sit on the tip of his tongue, resting behind teeth that threatened to chatter as he joined Maka in the cold outside of the car. The right moment, the right placement seemed nowhere and he was floundering before they were even through the door, hands unsure of where to go, feet where to follow. The floor was awash with light, careful rippling waves of blues and greens that danced around their shoes. Maka was talking to the attendant, prying the specific rundown of expected behavior and the entirety of the experience since rules and order were what she seemed to crave, though Soul was sure _disorder_ was what they usually lived in.

"The first room has fish!" she chirped back at him before exposing that whimsical grin, that full, child-like explosion of joy haloing her face.

He produced a roll of his eyes but really, deep down in that aching heart, he was begging for her to throw that look over his shoulder again, to look genuinely, deeply overjoyed rather than the muddled mess they'd lived in for the past year. That was what tonight was supposed to be, just one second of delirious enjoyment after the other until he could pry that phrase off his tongue. He tried to scribble over the _if_.

"So, if you touch them, they should explode into a million different flowers. Each room has a different theme," Maka parroted the guide over her shoulder to him. "This one's koi and lotus. So if you catch a fish-"

"When," Soul managed to laugh. "Can't imagine you not getting one. You're as excited as a little kid."

Maka force-fed him a frown, her eyebrows furrowing, "You're the one who wanted to come here."

"Not sayin' I hate it." For old time's sake, he rubbed his palm over the side of his coat before he reached for hers, praying the nervousness would dissipate with those fingers in his. "Just prefer to see _you_ makin' a fool of yourself instead of me."

It was her turn to let her eyes move in exasperation, "Yeah, cool guy, leave it to me."

Soul chuckled, strengthened by the way her fingers dug in around his and created a bond that could never be broken, or at least that was the hope. Maka tugged him, trailing past another couple and into a more secluded corner, following the tail of an orange and white koi as it flicked across the floor. Her other hand reached, meeting the creature only to have it erupt into a cascade of color that left illusionary patches of light on her coat. A girlish giggle finished off the experience and stole the last bit of sense from him.

"See, just like a kid," he murmured.

"Tell me that wasn't beautiful," she shot as her face turned back to him. In the half-darkness, she was still littered in specks of pink and purple, so real that he could expect to pluck petals off her lapel.

"Yeah, it was," came easily from his lips, followed by that smirk to hide the rest of the words. _Because you're beautiful, that's why, but why can't that be what I say? Why are these goddamn words always the last thing that wants to leave my mouth when you deserve it, Maka? You deserve-_

"You're thinking about it too hard," Maka scolded. "Here!" She took their joined hands, pulling him over to another corner where she tossed him ahead, his elbow detonating another scaled body into a rain of stark white. "That one matched you," a cheerful little tease pursed her lips. "Practically couldn't see it with the white hair."

"There's another one," he nudged into her, chest pressing into her shoulder to take away her space and move her another step. There wasn't much chasing this one, the fish swimming right into the channel between them, their joined hands becoming the dam that urged another explosion of color, a sea of red and pink sparkling between them. As her eyes dipped to watch the display, Soul leaned, letting his forehead meet her hairline.

As with all things he wanted, the smoothness of it escaped him, her skull clunking to his as she stepped back to laugh and hold a hand to the barely-existent wound. "And I thought I was the klutz. Soul, I swear, sometimes you have two left feet."

A tiny croak of a laugh left him as that twittering, fluttering fright was back in his chest. _Yeah, when I'm trying to get close, when I'm trying to do the right thing my whole fucking life is two left feet._ He wanted to groan in misery but he tramped it down, for once saving himself from another famous Maka misunderstanding since any display of his pain could be read as displeasure for the moment.

The next room was a smattering of tables with blank, white clothes billowing slightly in soft breezes blown at ankle height. Maka led him to one, depositing him at one side of the table. "Stay there." That amazing joy was still quivering in her voice and for a second he let it untangle at least a corner of the way he was feeling. "OK, put your fingers down in three, two, one…" Over the surface tangled ivy and other greenery, spanning from her fingertips to his.

Soul watched it and then turned raised eyebrows to her. "What happens if I let go?"

"Go ahead," she smiled.

He lifted his fingers, the forestry ebbing away and soaking into the white of the top. "So it takes two touches?"

"A connection," she murmured again with a smile.

Different table tops offered different flora, clusters of chrysanthemums, dribbles of daisies to litter between their hands. They passed over each one, Maka never seeming to tire of the exchange of color. Soul was muddling through, missing the warmth of her fingers but at least finding specks of bliss in each encounter with a new hue.

"Forget-me-nots!" Her voice blossomed along with the blue across the table.

"You would know, wouldn't you," he muttered with a chuckle.

"They're my favorite," she murmured, "so don't lift your hand just yet."

"Then let's make more." Soul slid his fingers lazily across the top in a zigzag pattern, trailing more of the five-petaled starbursts across the blank slate between them. "I didn't know that."

"Well, we've had plenty of conversations but I'm not all that surprised 'favorite flowers' hasn't been one of them," she laughed softly. "And as if you know _everything_ else about me."

Soul shrugged wistfully, "Maybe I don't. Not like you know _my_ favorite flower."

Maka scoffed, "OK, spill. Favorite flower."

"Lilac."

Maka narrowed her eyes.

"Seriously," he chuckled. "Lilac."

"Why?" Her eyebrows were unfurling, her body leaning across the table.

"Used to be a tree at my grandma's." Soul gave one more curl of his finger, just two more blossoms left to fill the space. "Smell would drift in from the windows in the summer. It was nice."

"When was the last time you were there?"

That brought him pause, a glance of his eyes away from the green and out into the darkness. "When I was a kid. She died - I guess I was ten."

"You guess?" it wasn't a scoff, just a soft push.

"Sorry," another weak roll of his shoulders punctuated that. "A lot of that time kinda fuzzes together. My memories… kinda only started getting real after I came to Cheryl's." The forget-me-nots faded as she moved to his side, her hand no longer creating blossoms but instead gripping into his. "Don't make that face," he muttered.

"What face?" Maka blinked up at him, her lips making a thin line.

"The one like you're sorry about it," he murmured. "Nothin' to be sorry about, Maka."

"I can be sorry if I want," she prodded back. "Even after Cheryl's I know your life hasn't been easy, especially with your mom and-"

"You don't get to be sorry." His hand was slipping out of hers, moving up instead to cup at her cheek, to shock the displeasure out of her eyes. "All that stuff that you helped to create, all those memories with us and Star and all those other idiots, that's what I have instead so you don't get to be sorry, got it?"

That little curl of a pout came to her lip. "You can't order me around."

He snorted a laugh, "Sure I can."

Maka wiped his hand off her cheek, only to display the red underneath as she turned away from him. "You _think_ you can," she tried to mutter back but her voice was strained, making him sneak up on her heels.

"You let me order you on this one," he murmured, lips tilting right next to her ear. "And next room, you get one order. Fair trade: I tell you anything you want to know."

"Anything?" Maka raised her eyebrows as she tilted her head so their lips were almost touching, the movement of his face into a smirk bringing an exhale across her lips.

"Whatever you want to know." That felt like more than enough as if he might as well have said the words and the reward of the smile on her face was what he wished he'd get as the end result.

"Fair trade," she whispered and her cheeks glowed. Her face was lost in the options and Soul watched a myriad of words start and settle on her tongue as they meandered around the room.

Soul wanted to be surprised by the slow walk, Maka making in no way forced steps to the next room, since this was so utterly not her. Maka jumped. Maka sprung into everything without a second thought. Maka would have just asked him the first question in her head but suddenly she was thoughtful, eyes searching the room just as much as her mind for words. "What's this one?" he murmured to her as they finally walked through the archway, the room bathed in dark green light.

"It blossoms when you walk by…" As if on cue the wall burst into color, following them in a column as they walked side by side, his hand still desperately clutching to hers.

"Wonder how they do it," Soul muttered as his eyes trailed the yellows and golds.

"You would," Maka offered him a teasing smile and nudged into his shoulder. They headed for the corner, a corona of red flowers bubbling over Maka's head as she turned to him. "So I can ask you anything?"

"That's what I said." Soul's heart started to tremble, knocking against his ribs in a pathetic rhythm.

"Soul…" She took a step closer, her fingers toying gently at the zipper of his jacket. "What's… what's your favorite memory?"

"It's a tie," he murmured, "but I don't think you're going to like one of 'em."

Her lip trembled before she worked her teeth in to slow the movement. "Tell me the one I won't like first."

He let out a low sigh, "When I woke up in the hospital."

"Soul," she groaned.

"I told you that you weren't gonna like it," he griped back, his hand suddenly coming to her elbow, pulling her a jittering step forward, "but it's the truth. Couldn't be happier that you were alive, fine, and that I made it, too."

She echoed him with a sharp exhale, her eyes drifting down to his hand clutching her arm. "And what's the other one?"

Soul pulled her a breath closer, forcing her eyes back to his. "The first night in the apartment. I couldn't sleep and I _know_ you didn't hear me, I wasn't up and moving around, but you came right in my room, didn't even knock, and told me to scoot over. Already had your pillow and everything. Grabbed my arm like it was old news and just… not the first time we slept next to each other, that wasn't the big deal, just that you… you knew what I needed. Knew I wasn't OK before I even did, and you bypassed every last argument I had and just did it. Those are… those are the kind of moments that remind me why we… are what we are, Maka. You see me. You always have and when I feel that way, those are the best moments."

Her lips parted, a shaky breath leaking uselessly without hopes to be refilled.

His hand moved from her elbow to slide across the small of her back, pulling her to him as he dipped his head so his lips met hers. Light as a feather, the tenderest brush between the two of them just to make room for the whisper that he wanted only her to hear. "I want to take you home and tonight… I don't care what else happens, Maka, but I want to feel like that again. I… just want you to stay with me tonight, please."

"Where else would I go?" came with a trembling laugh from her lips.

A chuckle that made his chest ache rattled between his ribs, "There's always Spirit's couch." She choked out another laugh but he caught it, pressing his lips to hers as his force brought them back another step, a burst of purple splashing behind Maka as she moved, jutting him back to reality enough to see the tears in her eyes. "Can I take you home?"

"Please," she murmured.

Even though every last bit of him wanted to rush, Soul took a moment to wrap his arms around her, pulling Maka's head right under his chin and letting her tears soak into his jacket. He knew a last little bit of him was stalling, the idea that he could so easily whisper it in her ear right now not leaving his mind. _But I want to be alone, I want it to be quiet, where it's just me and you, and I can say it until I'm blue in the face because I think once I let it go, I won't be able to stop it, that it'll be some wave that I can't block, a dam that once it's broke floods everything._

"You're buzzing," Maka murmured against his chest.

 _Yeah, my heart's a fucking base drum at the moment, Maka, thanks for noticing-_ but the next hum brought him back to reality and his hand slipped into his pocket to expose the illuminating screen. "Fuck," he muttered before hitting the green button. "Detective Evans."

"Hey, Soul," Patty chirped.

"Problem?"

"Wow, what a way with words," Patty cooed. "Look, someone's here for you."

Soul huffed, "Take a name, number, and I'll get 'em tomorrow. I'm busy."

"See, that's what I offered but they're kind of not taking _no_ for an answer," Patty paused to flutter through papers. "He said he'll only talk to you, only now."

"Look, I don't _care_ -"

"His name is Giriko?"

A grating grunt hit Soul's teeth. "He's there? Wants to talk?"

"Without his lawyer, he says," Patty added.

"Fuck me," Soul muttered.

"No, thank you."

Soul grimaced. "I'll be right there. Set him up in a room with a fucking view." He pulled the phone from his ear and jabbed it mercilessly with his thumb before pocketing it. Her fingers were still digging into the sides of his coat and Soul didn't make a move to let her go. "I'm not canceling, but…"

"You have to go," Maka finished with a sigh.

"Yeah, I'll, uh, drop you off at home, OK?"

"Soul," those fingers sunk deeper, her head still hidden against his chest. "Will you… when you get home, I mean, will you… just come and wake me up, alright?"

"Might be late," he muttered.

"I know, but I mean it."

"Got it." He tried to take a step back but her grip tightened, making the fabric catch and creak. "I said I will."

"I know, just one more minute," the minuscule murmur came from underneath his neck.

He sighed but let a hand run across the edge of her hair, the strands tickling his skin. _I'll come home. I'll wake you up with a kiss and when you look at me, I'll tell you. I swear. When you see me again, I'll tell you._

* * *

" _Dropped off."_

" _Going in alone."_

" _ **Wait 30 and then go in."**_

" _ **Do it right."**_

* * *

Soul's gut never trembled like this, well, at least not in front of a perp. If he was considering that promise he'd made to himself again, the one where 'I love you' had to come from his mouth in the next twenty-four hours it definitely would, should, and did, but normally that behavior was reserved for a Maka moment. Except as he walked into that interview room, saw Giriko lounging in the chair with a smirk reflecting back in the window he was looking through, the entirety of his guts was liquid again, bringing back memories of waking up in the hospital bed. "It'd be nice if you didn't pick my night off," Soul grumbled.

"I'm a busy man," Giriko shrugged.

"Fine, busy man, then tell me what you want to tell me." Soul didn't bother to sit, just leaned against the wall next to the door, propping his foot up at an angle.

It was that same spew, that talking without talking that Giriko had fed to Maka those weeks ago. Soul listened with about as much interest as a lecture on _Twilight_ , his eyes lazily following the motion of Giriko's snapping teeth rather than the words.

"Look, are you going to tell me something interesting?" Soul finally hedged in.

"Could ask you something," Giriko grinned. His phone buzzed on the table but he flattened a grizzly paw over it, covering the illuminated screen completely.

"Don't think I have anything to tell you."

"What does she taste like?"

Soul swallowed as his jaw clicked tightly.

"Because girls like her," Giriko raised his eyebrows, ready to divulge the secrets of the world, "the real stuck up ones-"

Soul cut in, voice low and full of gravel, "Mr. Saw, if you don't have something to tell me-"

"- they're _stale_. Don't live for a second so all of them waste away." Giriko's grin stretched ear to ear, the words slicing through the air in between them. "Bet that's what she tastes like, right? But you like that, don't you? You probably don't give a shit as long as she's using those high-heeled shoes to walk all over you."

Soul's hand started for the door, clenching into the knob.

"Does she make a lot of noise when you fuck her?"

"This interview is over," he growled as he opened the door.

"I'll need to know," Giriko chimed.

His feet squealed to a halt as his head snapped over his shoulder. "What the _fuck_ did you just say?"

"If she's too noisy," he shrugged back, that grin turning lopsided as his teeth glittered through. "Might need to know."

He fought with the words in his throat and his head, his fingers shaking on the knob.

"Come on, Sergeant, ask me why. Ask me why I want to know if that little girl you're fucking is loud or not."

A shuddering breath pulled between his teeth but nothing else.

"If you don't want to know, walk out that door. Go home. Maybe she'll be there for you to ask her what she thinks - because you two live together, don't you?"

There it was, the icy lake water drifting in his stomach again, that stabbing pain like his entrails had slipped out of that silvery scar again. _He knows we live together._

"She's home by herself right now, isn't she?"

 _She is._ The panic sizzled to every extremity, every nerve alive and screaming along with the chaos in his head. A breath barely made it into his lungs but Soul forced it. _Don't. He's playing you. Don't._

"Nice try, shithead," Giriko cackled. "That stiff-upper-lip's lookin' pretty good, but you're trembling. So get going, Sergeant, go see if your girl's home."


	15. Staying

Maka had just started to unzip her dress, her mind catching more than the zipper. ' _I just want you to stay with me tonight, please.' What was that? And the way that he kissed me, I feel like he's_ never _kissed me like that before. He's never been so soft, so… desperate? Sad? Needy? All of that and more that I honestly can't seem to put into words because it's just the same jumbled mess that I'm feeling?_

Just as her hand hit the dip in her lower back the rattle came from the door, forcing her to quickly wrest the zipper half-way back up. "Did you forget something?" Maka called as she moved into the hallway, the knob jiggling again. "Soul, be patient, I'm almost-" Another jolt of the door cut her off and Maka huffed out a sigh, turning the deadbolt and letting the door pop on its hinges. "You-" Maka cut off with a blink before narrowing her eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"Came here to celebrate or commiserate," Star shrugged his shoulders, making the six-pack clink under his arm. "Oy," his face turned from her to call down the hallway. "You lost?"

Maka dipped her head out, seeing the man standing at the end of the hallway, feet unsure at the start of the stairs. "Probably some delivery guy."

"Yeah, but he's lurking," Star grumbled before belting another shout at the man. "Where you delivering to, idiot?"

"Star," Maka sighed with exasperation but watched the man flee instead of fight. "Guess not."

"Idiots," Star grunted. "So, let me in. I'm here for Soul."

"Who's not here," Maka continued to block the way.

"Bullshit," Star laughed.

Maka only raised her eyebrows.

"Bullshit," Star repeated with a sharp laugh.

The message was clear and Maka fizzled, moving out of the doorway and letting Star lumber into the apartment. She shut the door behind him, locking it since there was no hope that it would open again any time soon, and followed the obviously searching man into the living room. "He's not here," Maka chimed with little patience. "And what did you mean ' _celebrate or commiserate'_ \- also, that word's too big for you in the first place."

Star sucked his teeth as his eyes roamed the empty living room. "Yeah, I was either going to be toasting that idiot losing his v-card or nursing his dumb broken heart."

"What are you talking about?" Maka snapped even if her mind could fill in the blanks.

Star flopped into the armchair, beers jingling as he slipped one from the cardboard and popped off the cap with his teeth. As he tilted his head, he barked, "What'd you two do tonight?"

"That's none of your business." Maka contemplated the couch but still stuck to the doorway, hopeful that it spelled out that they weren't sharing.

"Have a damn seat, Albarn."

"This is _my_ apartment," Maka griped.

"And I'm _your_ guest," he spouted before taking a long chug of his beer. "So sit."

The couch groaned under her weight as she sat with a huff. "We did what we always do. Went out. Until Soul got a call from the precinct."

Star groaned as he tilted his head back against the cushion. "Of fucking course. Guy can't catch a break, but it wouldn't kill him to say 'no' every now and then."

Maka narrowed her eyes.

"What?" Star grumbled between swigs of beer.

"You still haven't answered my question."

Star snickered, "You didn't answer mine."

"We _went out,_ hung out, just like normal."

There was a pause to weigh this, Star pursing his lips in thought before casually releasing the words, "And did you break his heart or fuck him?"

Maka's face flushed as her lips snapped open and closed, her chin jerking towards the hallway to turn her eyes from his. "I told you before that-"

"Yeah, yeah, you told me bullshit," he grumbled. "But you went out on a date, didn't you?"

"He didn't call it a date," she barely squeezed from her lips, her eyes still focused on the doorframe, wishing desperately that Soul would appear there.

"Because he's great with words," Star scoffed. "And you're even better with labels. So, seriously, Maka, did he leave here tonight heartbroken?"

A deep sigh broke from her lungs, expelling every last bit of air before she forced in a new breath. "I don't think so, but I'm not sure I know whatever he's feeling."

Star let out a long groan, "Did he at least say something to you?"

"Say what to me?" Maka brought her eyes back to him with a snap.

"Ugh," Star grimaced. "In other words he said jackshit."

"What, did you both have some grand plan?" Maka found the words hissing between her teeth. "I mean, I get it, he actually planned this one, but-"

"He planned this one," Star echoed sharply. "At least you noticed that. What else did he do differently? You said same old, going out, coming back because he got called away to work, but you sure about that?"

Maka could feel the color creeping up her neck as the ghost of his hand sat at the small of her back, his lips dancing words against hers. ' _I just want you to stay with me tonight, please.'_

Star blew air between his lips before letting it erupt into a laugh, "You're a fucking tomato right now, Albarn! How long you gonna lie about it? You kiss him at least? I mean, the guy's a virgin for you for shit's sake."

She couldn't stop her brows from creasing, the word Star had to repeat finally hitting her. _A virgin? Star thinks Soul's a virgin which means… he's never told him? Not once? Not any of the times and not any of the things - not from a kiss to a fuck or anything in between? He's just kept that to himself? Is he ashamed? Would being with me, his friends knowing he was with me be-_

"Yo, Albarn!" Star snapped. "Listen, did you fucking kiss him or no?"

"It's none of your business," Maka hissed before she stood. "And if you're here to see him, I told you, he's not here. So _leave._ "

"I'll wait," Star shrugged.

Maka let out a wail of a groan. "I want to shower and go to bed!"

"Then do it," Star chuckled again before bringing his attention firmly to his beer, ignoring any more of her fit. His solid refusal left her to stomp her feet uselessly down the hallway, slamming the bathroom door behind her. Star waited for two or three swigs before he eased his phone out of his pocket. The ring droned only twice.

"Star, I don't have time for this," Soul was breathless on the other end but quickly amended, "actually, how fucking close are you to the apartment?"

"I'm in the living room," Star replied with a shrug.

There was a hard pause, a gasp of breath on the line before a weak, breathy laugh cracked in the quiet. "Where's Maka?"

"In the shower."

"And what the hell are you doing?"

"Drinking a beer," Star laughed.

"Look," Soul sighed. "Make sure the door's locked. Stay there tonight."

"Stay here?" Star balked. "I have a life, places to be, girls to _fuck_ , Soul. I'm not hanging around Maka fucking Albarn especially when she has her panties in a bunch. Did you fuck up tonight?"

"What's the definition of fuck up?" Soul muttered.

"Not telling her what you had to tell her, idiot," Star spat back.

"I got… close," came the grumbling reply.

"Oh, fuck you," Star stopped to take another long swig, emptying the bottle before continuing, "and fuck me for being your best friend. _Fine_ , I'll stay, but when the hell are you getting home?"

"Maybe tomorrow morning," Soul's sigh was almost drowned out by the shuffling of paper. "I can't leave yet because I bet that jackass is watching me. Bet he doesn't even know where the hell we live and this was just a ploy, so I'm not coming home 'til I can be sure he's gone. Not to mention, I want to-"

"What the hell are you going on about?" Star interrupted before cracking open another beer, leaving the empty back in its old slot. "Who's the jackass?"

"Giriko, from the Arachne case. Listen, just tell Maka-"

"No, no, no," Star groaned. "I'm not telling her _shit_. You call her, text her, whatever. She's gonna kill the messenger and I'm totally not in the mood if I have to stay here with her."

"Can't do me one more favor?"

"'Til you tell her what you're supposed to, all my fucking favors have run out, bro."

* * *

The hallway was pitch black and Maka could hear Star's snoring from the living room. She was checking Soul's door again, afraid she'd somehow slept through him coming home even though her rest at best could be considered thin. She tugged at her sweater, tucking it tighter around her waist as she tried to wish him into bed, to force him to appear sprawled lazily across the sheets. _That's selfish,_ she tried to urge but none of it diminished the feeling. _But for a second, tonight was supposed to be mine, right? His time? Maybe even him?_

Maka let a few slow, creaking steps bring her into his room. Her fingers ran over the desk as if she needed the support to keep the momentum of her steps. Again her mind cast the spell to make him materialize, imagining that half-asleep smile shining up at her in the moonlight, that dexterous hand reaching out and grabbing her own to pull her towards the bed. _I was supposed to stay with you tonight. Why didn't I just tell you to bring me with you? Why didn't I just come to whatever interview you had? Because after you said it, the only thing I can think about is staying with you._

"You're up."

She could have climbed the walls, her breath catching in her throat as she wheeled around to see him in the doorway. "Sorry."

"For what?" He shrugged easily but his shoulders sunk back down immediately with the weight of his exhaustion.

"I don't know," she murmured as she pressed a hand to her forehead before clearing her hair from her face. "I guess I shouldn't be in your room."

"It's fine." He walked past her towards the hamper, starting to unbutton his shirt.

"Did you send Star here?"

"Nah, coincidence."

"You're telling me the truth?"

Soul sighed as he ripped the button-down off and tossed it in the hamper. "You accusing me of lying?"

"Just checking to see if you're not worrying too much."

He jerked off his t-shirt, forcing it to follow. "I texted you that much."

"You did," Maka sighed.

"Listen," his voice rasped and his eyes were anything but soft with her, not an easy reflection of earlier in the evening. "I just want to sleep for a few hours. Then you and me have something to do."

"What are we doing?"

"We've got a meeting with Arachne," he muttered before stripping off his pants, leaving them as the last offering to the basket before slinking into bed. "So if you're not going to sleep, think of your questions for her, but I got plenty of my own."

She watched him, her wish come true as he curled up into bed, a mop of white hair the only thing left of his face. "Soul…"

"Maka, seriously, a few hours."

Her fingers ached from the tightness of her knuckles, digits kneading into the edges of her sweater. "You asked me to stay with you tonight."

His face lifted from the pillow but his eyes were still focused on the headboard. "Yeah."

"Did you mean that?"

A weak sigh drifted from his lips, "Yeah, of course."

"Then can I?"

He hid his burning cheeks, trying to wipe away the way his mask was peeling and crumbling, as he nuzzled his head back into the bed. "Go get your pillow," he grumbled against the fabric.

Maka's heart pounded as she did what she was told.


	16. A Warning

Soul woke up to the sound of a clearing throat. He barely lifted his head, catching Star standing in his doorway. He huffed out a breath before he forced up onto his elbows and then to seated. After a toss of his hair and a hand rubbed against his cheek, Soul stood, taking slow, plodding steps towards Star. "Mornin'."

"Shut up," Star hissed as he followed him down the hallway. "And awful strange that Albarn sleeps in your bed."

"Sometimes," Soul tossed over his shoulder like a correction.

" _Sometimes_ ," Star scoffed back.

"Look," Soul started, his volume rising as they entered the safety of the kitchen.

"Nah," Star broke him off. "There's more going on. She's sleeping in your bed. What the hell happened? You make up after I fell asleep last night?"

Soul tried to force all of his attention into the coffee-making process, letting Star's questions flutter around his brain while the answers sat on his tongue. _Why do you guard it? Why do you keep it quiet like it's something you're ashamed of? Because you're not, you're not at all, it's just-_

There was a crack from the doorframe, Star's heavy hand slamming to the wood. "I'm fucking leaving."

"Wait," Soul snapped but his eyes stayed on the coffee pot, watching the first of the drip. "I love her, right?"

"Yeah, you do," Star sighed.

"And I haven't told her, can't," he murmured, "but we've been… it's fucked up. It's been this way since after high school."

There were a few ticks of the clock before Star bubbled out a laugh. "Thank fucking _Death_ you're not a virgin. Shit, man, I really thought you were completely unfortunate."

"Shut the fuck up," Soul grumbled over his shoulder but he was met with Star's glum grin instead of his real amusement.

"That means you really should have told her," Star slipped through his decreasing smile.

"Not that she's done any different," he muttered.

Star snorted out a laugh as he shook his head. "Yeah, it sure as hell is a toss-up as to which one of you is more fucked up, but come on, Soul."

"Yeah," he sighed. "Once this shit is over, once I can get a good night's sleep…"

"Sounds like fucking excuses to me."

Soul filled the pause with liquid poured into a coffee cup, turning and offering it back to Star. "Yeah."

Star grabbed the cup just in time for Maka's steps to hit the hallway, his head darting from Soul to the noise. "Mornin', Albarn."

"Why are you still here?" she grumbled as she hit the doorway, pushing past him with no mercy and moving straight towards the coffee machine.

"You're welcome," Star crowed. "Kept you entertained all night with my fantastic presence-"

"You annoyed me incessantly," Maka spat as she poured liquid into another cup, "while you got drunk and proceeded to fall asleep on the couch."

Soul snorted a laugh.

"Which is more than you deserve," Star shot back haughtily. "Anyway, gotta take a shit." He clanked the cup against the granite before shooting one more look at Soul. He left the doorway and steps echoed from the hall.

Maka let out a twittering sound of disgust.

"Maka," his hand tentatively touched her elbow.

"So I'm going to guess it was Giriko last night?" She wasn't looking beyond her coffee cup.

"Yeah." Business talk meant his hand should fall back to his side but Soul left those testing fingers at the joint.

"What was he after, do you think?"

A gravely force of air came from his throat. "He just wanted to piss me off."

Her words trailed right on the end of his, "What did he say?"

 _Does she make a lot of noise when you fuck her?_ echoed in his ear again.

"Nothin' special, all bullshit," he muttered instead.

"But it gave you an idea?" Maka turned her eyes to him and while the gears were obviously working, reflecting clear as day in her eyes, her elbow tipped, tucking entirely into his hand.

Soul gripped it, an anchor. "Thought about our first visit. Not about Giriko, he's full of shit, but the first warehouse we were in. There was plenty of stuff, goods, so I looked into some of their permits. Looks like they were missing a couple, so while it's no big deal, probably just some fines as a slap on the wrist, thought you could look into it, maybe tell Arachne today how her boy Giriko has caused her some trouble. If we can just get her pissed off at him, even for a little somethin', it might give us an opening."

"You got paperwork on those permits?" A small grin started to pull at the corner of her mouth.

"What do you think I was doing until 3 in the morning?" Soul scoffed. "I tucked a file in your bag. You look at it today, get what we need to get, and we see Arachne by lunchtime."

The smile stuck but her head tilted slightly, making his eyes follow the line of her neck, the strands of her hair dancing against the skin. "Maybe you should just let me, Soul. You only got a few hours of sleep and-"

"Nah," he shook his head swiftly, tearing his eyes away from the temptation to settle back to the coffee maker. He took his hands away to start his own cup. "I got somethin' I gotta say to her."

"What does that mean?"

"Means what it means," he murmured back.

"Are you saying it's none of my business?" This time it was her hand, pressed into his bare back to burn a print in his skin.

"I'm saying it's between me and her." None of that felt steady like a foot sinking in sand. His heart wobbled with it as her fingers curled slightly to rest nails into his skin. He couldn't tell if it was a warning or a threat.

"You're keeping secrets."

"I always do," he answered back quickly.

Another flex of her fingers, not necessarily a scratch but feeling like an attempt to find purchase, to dig into him. "I thought… I thought you were stopping that."

"Told you, I'm trying," the words dripped weakly from his tongue with the bitterness of an excuse. _Because you promised, didn't you? Next time you saw her you'd look her in the face and tell her. Instead, you're staring at a coffee cup and adding another brick to the fucking wall between you. Trying, my ass._

* * *

Maka spent all morning at her desk, pouring over the information Soul had given her and alternating between the phone and the page. She'd wrangled _something_ together, Soul's hunch coming to a bit of fruition but it was entirely flimsy, tiny, nothing to combat those pictures that she still forced face-down on her desk. It was barely a slap on the wrist when Maka really wanted to take the whole hand.

She tried not to let that bleed into her smile as Soul held the door for her to the interview room. Arachne was there with her faithful steward, Mosquito, who was by no means looking pleased while the woman beside him was still so decidedly smug. "This charge is preposterous."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Mr. Arana," Maka chimed. "But I'd love to ask you a few more questions because maybe we could just clear a few things up." She arranged the paperwork in front of them, pouring over the tiny details that Soul had so carefully sewn together. It was a beautiful little melody he had created and Maka's voice was humming it out, bringing it to a pitch that seemed to both entrance and frighten Mosquito and Arachne simultaneously. "And all this brings us to the DA's decision to renew the petition for a thorough examination of your finances. With this little slip up in your licensures, we're all fairly sure that this time the judge will see fit to let us take a deeper look. We already gave the file to Judge Hoshi who's reviewing it for next week."

"But you want something," Arachne cooed evenly.

Maka's smile dipped at the corner but she caught it quickly. "I know information comes at a price." She quelled the trembling in her fingers before she slipped the photo out of the file folder and slid it face-down towards Arachne.

Arachne lifted the corner but her face remained unchanged as she stared at the deep red in the image. "That's not one of my projects."

"But you know whose it is," Maka pressed back. "And I'm not making some kind of deal, I'm not saying this investigation will go away and I won't find out what you're doing but that-" She snatched the photo back from between Arachne's fingers. "If you come clean now I can save you from prosecution for that. If you don't, I'll make sure you and whoever is responsible burn for it together."

"Hollow threats, Ms. Albarn," Mosquito snapped as he rose to his feet. "Come along, Miss Arachne, this is pointless."

"I want to talk to you," Soul's voice scraped over the sound of Arachne's chair as she stood.

"Oh, you can speak," Arachne grinned at him. "And what does the Sergeant have to add?"

"Alone," Soul sent a cold glance towards Mosquito.

"Oh," Arachne added a playful giggle. "Alone, how forward."

Mosquito attempted to grab at her elbow. "Miss Arachne-"

Arachne blithely pulled away, settling back in the seat as she leaned closer to Soul. "Just the two of us?"

"Ms. Albarn, see Mr. Arana out," the order felt strange on his tongue, even stranger that Maka stood swiftly at the sound of it and opened the door. Soul finally received what he expected as Maka sent him one last glance, all ice and daggers, before she shut the door behind her.

Arachne took a slow, languid look around the room before letting her eyes bore back into Soul. "Is that one of those two-way mirrors? Will that darling little girl just be watching in a few minutes?"

Soul eased back in his chair, sucking in a long breath before starting, "No, told her this was none of her business and while she's stubborn, she won't play dirty."

"So what is it you'd like to do while we're alone?" she purred.

"I have a warning," Soul gritted between his teeth. "You may say those pictures aren't your projects, but I can guess whose. He even paid me a little visit last night and played me like a fucking sap because both he and I know he's got an eye on Ms. Albarn or at least that's what he wants me to think."

Arachne simply smiled cooly.

"But I'm gonna warn you now that's where it ends," his voice sank low, baritone buzzing violently in his chest.

"Is that a threat?" Arachne asked with a cheer so shining that you'd assumed she just received a compliment.

"Like I said, a warning," Soul continued to thunder from his throat. "Because while I sure as hell know what you're capable of, what he's capable of, I don't think either of you knows what kind of bastard I can be. I don't suggest you find out."

* * *

Maka eyed the coffee cups in his hands, his favorite first act of forgiveness but she was definitely at the pinnacle already and was settling into the idea that he'd have no hopes of bringing her down.

"Maka-"

"You realize you told me to get the fuck out, right?" The curse hit him almost as hard as the shout, Maka usually leaving the vulgarities for the vulgar.

"I did what I told you I was gonna do," he muttered as he lessened the divide at least by steps, still feeling that icy wall rippling between them.

" _Ms. Albarn, see Mr. Arana out._ Do you know how you sounded?"

Soul shrugged and plopped the cup in front of her.

"Like an asshole," she struggled, the words disjointed, puzzle pieces with the wrong ends. "A complete and total asshole who just sent me off like- like-" A frustrated groan finished that and as he reached for her she swatted his hand away. "This is my _job_ , Soul."

"I know," he murmured.

"And I'm good at it!"

"You are."

"But you make me feel like-" Maka cut off to press the heel of her palms to her eyes, trying to refuse the burn that was no longer sneaking up on her. "I told you how I feel about you protecting me."

The door slammed, making her hands jut away from her face as he was suddenly back at her desk, leaning over her with a stone face. "Finish your other sentence."

"What?" For a fleeting second, all of her guts turned to cold jelly, finding nothing in his eyes.

"I make you feel like what," he intoned coldly.

"Soul-"

"Tell me the truth," he shoved over his name, burying it deeply.

It felt like ice cubes clacking against her teeth but the words still eked from her throat, "It makes me feel like you don't think I can do it on my own."

A rough laugh left his throat, "That's not what I think."

"Then tell _me_ the truth."

His jaw clenched through a breath before he let the words run evenly over his tongue. "If it hadn't been me that night with that kid in your office, I know you would have fought tooth and nail. I think I know now that you wouldn't have died - you wouldn't allow anyone to take anything from you like that." Soul leaned closer, still nothing coming to his eyes but a tight pull to his lips. "Kind of like how you were ready to take my mom for a spin. No one gets in Maka Albarn's way. The problem is you _jump_. You fight with the first gut reaction and while that works, that'll keep you alive, I want more than alive. So that's why I stick my nose where you don't think it belongs. Not because you can't take care of yourself, but because you _do_."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

He sighed, "You're not listenin' to me."

"I am," she urged back, "and I'm hearing is that I act like a fool, like I don't-"

"You denying that you act on impulse?" Soul narrowed his eyes at her.

She tried to raise her hackles, puff her feathers, but there was no momentum, against that strange fizzling sensation under this new glare of his.

"You can't," he finished for her as he finally leaned back, creating a sudden chasm between them.

"Yo, Albarn, you good?" The door was suddenly swinging open and Star was trouncing in. "Thought I heard the door slam and - oh, Soul, 'sup?"

"Nothing," Soul grumbled. "Just tellin' Maka I'm taking the rest of the day. Gonna get some sleep. Make sure she gets home, OK?"

"Since when am I her babysitter?" Star's gripe fell on deaf ears, Soul already halfway out the door and Maka's eyes simply staring at his exit with nothing else registering. "Yo, what the fuck was that?" He turned his eyes to her but found the vacancy, instantly unnerved by the way she dropped her eyes to her papers.

All of the things pulling at her she trapped with a few words, "I have work to do."


	17. Confession 2

Stein slowed to a stop, the door only opened a crack but the lights a dead give away. He resisted a sigh before pressing it the rest of the way open. "Maka, you're here late."

"I just had a few more things to do with the Arachne case." Why Maka was even bothering to lie was beyond her, especially as Stein's eyes ran easily along her desk, noting the closed files.

"Let me drive you home."

Maka let the order settle before she stood, slowly grabbing her jacket off the back of her chair and arranging in anticipation for the cold. She sucked in air as she buttoned, trying to bolster herself against that flimsy feeling, the one that had been wheedling its way in after Soul had left. _Could you even deny what he said? And will you be able to hold onto this anger when you get home and see him?_

Stein did not fill the silence with small talk, just patiently producing breaths as Maka readied. As soon as she was past him, Stein was shutting the door behind them, then following in slow footsteps as Maka made her way down the staircase to the lower lobby. He waited, absorbing the tension that came off her in waves, a common occurrence that he'd become well adjusted to over the years of knowing Maka and her father before her. A cough in the chill was the only thing to pass between the two of them as they exited the building to cross the street to the parking garage. Stein had the pleasure of a ground floor designated spot so the walk in the frost was short before they reached the confines of the car.

Maka settled but as Stein started the engine he left the car in part, a deep breath parting his lips. "You're doing an excellent job on the Arachne case."

"Thank you," Maka offered him a small smile.

"And I understand that Detective Sergeant Evans has been very helpful with this."

"Stein-"

"I'm not admonishing you," Stein corrected as he eased his hands onto the steering wheel. "I think your partnership has done a lot of good."

Maka pulled in a warbling breath, "But…"

"After this," Stein offered with cool finality, "I believe that you should allow Evans to take the Lieutenant position."

"Allow?" Maka echoed with a mocking laugh. "Marie couldn't find him a position, he's been waiting, he's-"

Stein's eyebrows twitched as he turned his head to her, "I assumed you knew."

"Knew _what_?" Maka spat as her hands clutched tightly into her bag.

"Ah," Stein said slowly as he breathed out a sigh and brought his eyes back over the dashboard. "I see."

"See _what_?" Maka's shriek increased an octave.

"Perhaps you have some time to discuss things with Marie," Stein's voice was lower, stripped of strength.

Maka's fingers trembled with the strain as she dug them into the fabric, "Please."

"Call him and tell him-"

"No," Maka snapped.

Stein sighed as he fished his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through before pressing a button.

"Stein?" Soul's voice strained just two rings in. "Where's Maka?"

"Here, one moment," Stein intoned calmly as he held the phone out between them.

Maka met his eyes, staring him down firmly as Soul's voice senselessly tinned from the tiny speaker.

"Maka, take the phone." It was the voice he used with their nonsensical five-year-old since the fit in front of him struck him as such.

She grasped the phone, holding it just barely to her ear.

"Listen, are you OK? Do you need me to come get you?"

"I'm fine," Maka tried to refuse the tremble in her voice, adopting Stein's even tone.

"You don't sound fine," he shot back. "Why is Stein calling for you anyway?"

"I'm going to stay with Marie tonight."

The pause sat heavily, a surety that the line had broken coming until Soul's whisper barely trickled into her ear. "Why?"

The bitterness slid over her tongue as the words expelled from her mouth. "Is there something you think you should tell me?"

"Maka…" just her name drifted over the line.

"Maybe something you don't want Marie to tell me?" she spat again.

A second, desperate pause shifted over the line before a sigh trembled through. "Whatever she tells you is the truth."

 _Which means you're a liar._ Maka crushed it, feeling the words dig talons into her heart. "I'll be home tomorrow."

"Maka, come on-"

"Unless you have something to tell me _right now_ , Soul, then I'll be home tomorrow."

"Fine." The mutter finished with a sharp click.

Her hand was on the way to jerking away, throwing the phone when Stein grabbed it. "Maka, do not let that anger consume you."

"He's a liar." Maka wanted that to be a hissing scrape but it fluttered from her lips as more of a desperate howl.

Stein sighed, "Refrain from your assumptions until you speak with Marie. I'm afraid my information is second-hand, so what I've made the mistake of saying so far is slightly more nuanced than I think you're assuming." But the rationality of it all plunked uselessly against her ears and Stein saw her set like stone in the seat next to him. He huffed out a second breath, sure Marie would kill him.

* * *

Marie was happily listening to Ben blab about every moment of his day as his little fingers dug around her leg. He'd just reached a particular crescendo with a playground story when his darling little peeping froze, instead a gush of air swarming his mouth so he could scream, "Aunt Maka!"

"Oh, Maka," Marie's smile blossomed until she laid eyes on Stein, his face fitting stiffly into his mask. "Frank, Ben hasn't had his bath yet."

"Mama, it's too early!" Ben whined as he hugged Maka's middle. "And Aunt Maka-"

"Will be here all night," Marie finished over his droning cry. "So let Papa give you your bath a little early and then you'll have _more_ time with Aunt Maka."

That seemed to placate the little boy as he grabbed his father, forcing him out of the kitchen to speed up the process. "Marie, I'm sorry…" Maka took a hesitant step, some of the fire left behind in the car.

"Ben's the only one who'll want an apology," Marie shrugged as she turned back to the stove. "But from the look on your face, I'm going to guess I'm right - you're staying the night?"

"If you don't mind," she murmured back as she took an exhausted seat at the island, leaning into the cool granite.

"Of course not," Marie chimed as she fiddled with another pot, trying to formulate the next question.

Maka preempted her with a soft sigh, "Marie, I need you to tell me the truth."

"About what?" Though she could almost certainly guess, all of the questions starting with Soul Evans.

"Did you have a Lieutenant position for Soul?"

Marie turned off the burners in defeat before she turned to slump against the safety of the counter. "Yes."

"He lied to me," Maka exploded as she put her hands into her hair, tugging at the roots. "He told me that there was _nothing_ available, that _you_ promised to keep looking, and that he'd wait for you to find something but he's a _liar._ "

"A white lie," Marie answered with a sigh.

"Stein said-"

"Oh, Frank," Marie groaned to cut Maka off. "Frank knows half of it. You know _none_ of it, so stop, Maka. You came here for answers, so sit and I'll tell you them."

Maka froze under the mother's scolding, the only movement her hands falling out of the mess of her hair.

"I had a position ready for Soul at another precinct," Marie watched those words tear into Maka, that tender heart breaking in front of her. "I offered it to him and he refused. Soul's never forthcoming about much of anything but this was the first time he ever offered me an actual explanation." Using the counter as leverage, Marie pushed off, bringing her a few steps so she could reach to arrange the hair around Maka's face. "I won't repeat his explanation, that's his, but I'll repeat my reaction to it: He loves you, Maka. He loves you desperately and wants to make sure you don't leave him because _you_ are what he has. He doesn't need to be a Lieutenant, he doesn't need notoriety or fame, all he needs is you and that's driven him to make sure nothing ever changes."

"I don't understand," warbled weakly from Maka's lips.

"Yes, you do," Marie sighed, "and I want you to spend tonight thinking about how much you do know because I'll tell you the same thing I told him: neither of you is moving forward, and it can't be a happy place for you or for him. I love you like a daughter, Maka, and Soul may as well be another pain in the ass son, but both of you need a change. You can't keep living like this."

"I know," she murmured as she slumped into the counter, letting her head rest on her arms to hide the way her face crinkled.

With one last sweet swoop of her hand over Maka's hair, Marie left her, turning back to the stove and finishing the necessaries for dinner. It wasn't long before the pitter-pattering of tiny, footy-pajamaed feet broke into the kitchen, bringing Maka out of her tears and back into reality.

"Why are you crying?" Ben asked the most logical question in his arsenal as Maka lifted him into her lap.

"I don't know, Ben," Maka murmured.

"You have to ask the right questions!" He floated the suggestion like it was the best fit but Maka only wrinkled her eyebrows in reply. "Like if you don't know something - you ask, right, Mama?"

"Yes, Ben," Marie added a laugh. "Remember, Ben, sometimes our questions don't have answers."

"Right," Ben turned to parrot it back at Maka, "sometimes our questions don't have answers."

"What do you do then?" Maka forced a smile between her lips.

Ben floundered, looking to his mother but then quickly to his father. "Papa, what was it again?"

Stein placed a steady hand on Maka's shoulder, bringing her slightly stunned eyes to his. "Then maybe it means we have to do the thinking or the talking."

 _You have to ask_ , her mind urged. _You have to ask or you'll never know. And even if you don't get your answer, you have some talking to do of your own, don't you?_

* * *

While he had tried to go home and sleep, it was all an impossible dream for Soul. Not only had that exchange in her office tightly wound bloody twine around his heart but then the added insult of her phone call had just twisted it another notch, leaving him mangled.

_You had something to tell her right now, you complete asshole._

_And now you're a liar._

_A fucking liar._

_And the next time she sees you, what are you going to say?_

_I love you, so I didn't take the job._

_I love you, so I lied and said there wasn't anything out there._

_I love you, so I just keep making one colossal fuck-up after another because I'm just a pathetic coward._

_I run from my career, from my mom, from you._

_A pathetic fucking coward._

So that pathetic coward didn't sleep. He sat on the couch, staring at the light changing from dusk to midnight to dawn. When the sun rose he called out, hearing Marie's hearty sigh at his flimsy excuse. He desperately wanted to ask her what the exchange with Maka had been, what truths had been told, but he hung up almost instantly after the sound. He had picked up the phone about eighty times after that, finger hovering over her contact or flipping to their texts to find nothing new. He gave up at about 4 PM, slunk to the fridge, and started on a beer.

He was on his third when the door clicked open, the disintegration of his gut planting him firmly on the couch. Her footsteps clattered in the hallway, along with the sound of her bag flopping to the floor, before slow feet brought her to the doorway.

"Did we…" The words were giant on her tongue, a crushing weight that she was sure she didn't have the mental or physical strength to express.

Soul didn't seem to notice the hardship, just raising his eyebrows slightly as he tipped back his beer again. The suction popped off his bottom lip perfectly in the silence.

Maka tried to find the right place for her hands first, knowing her hips would send a message but finding the alternative of clutching onto herself for dear life was too desperate looking. She opted for strange jazz hands at her sides. "Did we - was the other day… a date?"

Of all the reactions Maka expected, this fit none of them. Soul's hand went to his face before pulling it through his hair with the most miserable sigh she'd witnessed breaking his lips. "Fuck…"

"Then, that's a no," she shot out quickly. Her heart was a tiny bird thudding against her ribs and with all her might she was urging her feet to run but they betrayed her, planting her stiffly to drown in the quicksand of her own heartbreak.

Another sigh escaped before he downed a good portion of his beer. He slammed the bottle on the side table. "It's not that…" Without the bottle as a distraction, he dedicated another tug to his hair with both hands, leaving his head to rest there long enough to collect his thoughts. At least this seemed normal, the stoic build-up of words that usually haunted any serious conversation they ever had. When his eyes finally slunk to hers she could barely contain her surprise because the first thing she could read off of them was nothing but pain. "Maybe I kind of already thought we were."

"Dating?" Maka offered as if that clarified the millions of other questions she had.

His lips pressed into a flat frown, "Yeah."

Her pouty bottom lip, one of his usual favorite things to watch, floundered uselessly between possible questions. Those nervous hands betrayed her and grabbed at her own elbows across her stomach to hold herself together. The silence was agonizing but the next words from his lips made her wish for it again.

A frightening finger popped from his clenched fist. "How long have we known each other?"

"Sophomore year in high school," Maka answered quickly, relieved by the easy question but that dissolved as soon as another finger released to join the first.

"When's the first time we had sex?"

Maka tried to make the nervous groan that broke from her throat sound like a thoughtful hum. "Right after graduation."

His flat affect faltered for a second as he let out a weak laugh, "You took my virginity in the back of that shitty Volvo you used to drive after ditching Blake's stupid bonfire. Thought that was the best fucking night of my life." He cleared his throat and tucked that away as he produced another finger. "How long before we moved in together?"

Here she had to pause, fighting with herself over her own questions. _Did you rethink that best night of your life?_ The intermission didn't break the intensity in his eyes and Maka gave in. "A few months after that, when we started college. But we didn't… we weren't sleeping together."

"Nah," he rolled his shoulders weakly. "And we didn't talk about what we did, but you talked me into this." He momentarily opened his hand to showcase the apartment before going back to his disappearing fist, leaving just his thumb across his palm. "How many people have you dated since?"

"Since when?" she tried to deflect.

"Really?" he sucked his teeth. "I was going to say since you fucked me the first time but how about since you and I met. How about that?"

"None," she grumbled softly.

"Same." His admission blew hers out of the water, firmly drawing a line that amped that fluttering feeling in her chest back up to a fury. The last finger splayed, leaving his open hand between them. "And when did you start fucking me regularly?"

"Could you stop calling it that?" Maka spat but she could barely hold onto the anger, feeling it instead bring pinpricks of tears to her eyes.

"What do you want me to call it?" Soul snapped back without skipping a beat, his eyes flecked with that strange pain again.

There was a floodgate that she was holding closed white-knuckled and the strain was nearly impossible. She felt the water slipping through her fingers. "We just started having sex, OK? You and I started having sex when _we_ wanted to for the past few years."

"When _you_ wanted to," he corrected as he smacked the open hand on top of his knee, letting it clench into the skin.

There was nothing to hold on to anymore, cracks in just about everything she had been trying to keep steady leaving her no hope but to throw her hands up in the air. "Then why would you even assume we were dating? If it's just _me_ _fucking you_ then what about that screams dating?"

His jaw clenched as his head bobbed nervously, "Don't take this the wrong way but I just… I assumed this was how you were, how this kind of thing went with you. I thought, maybe, it was just you being a little cold, distant because-"

Her incredulous laugh cut him off, "How the _fuck_ do I not take that the wrong way? What? I'm a _bitch_? I'm just some _ice-queen_ but you lived with it because I'd fuck you? I'll have you know that I'm good to my friends, I love my friends, I'm _warm_ and fucking _caring_ to my friends." Forget the pinpricks as they had become full burning trails of tears down her cheeks.

Soul sighed, "That's not what I said."

"A little cold, distant," she started to mock his voice.

Soul broke over it in a shout, a decibel that she wasn't sure she'd heard from him before, "Because you're fucking wounded, Maka. You're broken as fucking hell. Between your mom and your dad, you can't bear to let anyone get close enough to you, not in the romantic fucking way. So, yeah, your friends you treat well, but someone who wants to be with you?" His hand flourished again, stirring up the entire moment and wafting it back at her.

Maka broke a step towards him, letting her yell fall wildly in his face. "Then why the fuck did you bother to stay?"

The distance allowed him to grab at her wrist, keeping her trapped in her threat. All of her nerve suddenly melted away as his eyes bore into her, his lip trembling as he formed the words slowly and carefully since they came from a place far hidden away without much practice. "Because I love you. I fell in love with you probably the day we fucking met and I can't do a damn thing about it. And even though it fucking kills me some days, I don't think I _want_ to do anything about it. I make this work because I don't want the alternative. And since I'm being totally, brutally honest, I keep doing it because I think you're fucking worth it."

Soul stood, capturing her other wrist in his other hand, pinning and keeping her in front of him. "So, a date, Maka? What do you call the shit we do every Friday night? We already do that. But you know what I'd like? To fucking make love to you once in a while instead of just feeling like you're blowing off steam. To not have to _ask_ if you'll sleep in my bed tonight and just find you there because I like that. And maybe for you to realize that I've been trying to prove that I can be fucking responsible with your heart and that I'm not ever going to hurt you, leave you."

Why that hit her like a stab to the gut was something her mind wouldn't let process, instead too busy forcing her feet to move, cracking against the hardwood floor in frantic steps back. She expected his hold to tighten but with red eyes bruised with pain, she felt him let go, those fingers that she knew so well just drifting over the tops of her hands. "I…" she started but the way he let his gaze turn back to the couch told her she'd already misstepped, already ruined it and there was no hope but to watch the two of them crash and burn. The silence birthed nothing else except for the repeated sound of her feet against the floor, crashing into shoes, the shuffle of her bag, and the slam of the door.

Every letter in every word came back as a disjointed cacophony even as the night air tried to shock Maka back to reality. A scrambling hand was weaving through her bag but even as it closed over her cellphone the message came loud in clear through the shouts, _Who the hell are you going to call?_ The answer to that was nothing more than a lance to the heart as she crossed the street, edging further into the darkness that hid away the entrance to the parking deck. There was no plan but she brought the phone out, almost gasping in shock as it instantly started buzzing in her hand, Soul's name and a stupid image of the two of them just reopening the wound that wasn't anywhere close to closing to begin with.

She forced the screen dark but kept the vibration as a reminder, a strange anchor to her foolishness, her ineptitude. The keys were the next necessary item and she barely hooked them with the phone still clutched in her fingers. With her other hand, she hit the button that illuminated the front lights and gave the familiar click of the lock. Maka threw herself into the seat, slamming the door, and pressed her forehead against the steering wheel. It wasn't enough to unleash the horn but enough to give a chill to her face that was threatened by the hot tears on her cheeks. And while she tried to push it away, the only memory that would come to her was the worst of all.

" _Soul, please," it was the weakest whisper but it came as a shout in the empty room, its only competition the myriad of beeps from the many machines the man in question was plugged into._

_It was the first time they were alone, between the whirlwind of cops and detectives to the doctors and nurses - the surgeries and the statements. All of that had created a limbo, a space in between where Maka could pretend it was all one neverending nightmare, a cursed echo of reality rather than their life. Now, with only the steady tones that broadcasted his vitals, Maka had to wake from the dream and see the moment for what it really was. She had almost and still could lose him._

" _I'm sorry," she murmured as she pressed her cheek against his hand, the only thing she could get close to in the mess of wires and gadgetry keeping him alive. "I shouldn't have let him in. I shouldn't have even opened the door. I should have been home, with you, not making you worry and come to the office. I should have… I should have…" she had a million more but her voice broke under the weight of it. She pressed her tears into his skin which was usually a blazing comfort of warmth but now felt clammy and cold._

" _I'll do anything, just wake up," she choked. "I know I can't make you keep your promise but I need you to. I need you so much. I love you." The words were alien but the only thing that eased even a second of the pain. So she breathed them over and over again into his palm, a tiny prayer that she hoped would reach his heart._

With her eyes forced shut, the tears still streaming under the rims, Maka clutched at the steering wheel, banishing the picture from her mind. _I need to go back. I can't run from this like I ran after that moment. He said what I wanted, what I always wanted to hear and-_

The click interrupted her thoughts, the sudden rush of cold air in the cabin. She couldn't even turn her head in time, a hand grabbing into her hair and dragging her out on the concrete.


	18. None of This Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **trigger warning** for sexual assault references, non-con

Soul woke with a start from his seat next to the front door, his stomach reeling as the reality accompanied by the three beers hit him. He barely made it to the toilet bowl, retching horribly as he painted the porcelain. It wasn't that he couldn't hold his liquor - something he was sure he'd inherited from his mother so he rarely went past one beer - but the renewed shock that Maka had left and not returned. She'd slammed the door on him, on them without so much of a word in reply to the ones that he had to rip off the lining of his heart.

_I said I love you._

More saliva driveled from his mouth, joining the Rorschach mess that he read as their ultimate demise.

_I said I love you and that I'd never leave you._

Another burning wave hit the back of his throat and he let it go, unlike the aching thoughts in his head.

 _I said I love you and that I'd never leave you and that,_ that _made you leave._

After he'd expelled everything but the poison in his own head, Soul lifted on shaking legs, taking a few slow steps towards her bedroom door. It was still open, waiting for her as it always did after work and he trespassed, making his way to the bed and sinking to his knees as if in prayer at the side. He slid his phone from his pocket and placed it on the comforter, illuminated the screen, and with a pang of guilt called the number that he knew would get an answer.

"Hello?" Marie's groggy voice slid over the line after a few rings.

"I know she doesn't want to talk to me," his own voice surprised him, so empty of everything, just a shell of a sound, "but can you just tell me that she's there?"

"Soul?"

"Marie, please," there was no pleading, all dead words coming from his tongue, "just tell me she's safe and I'll… I'll leave it all alone. She just needs to be safe."

There was no direct answer, just shuffling and Marie's urgent voice off to the side. "Frank, wake up. Did Maka call you?"

"Marie," the first bit of emotion started to filter through, a dangerous panic threatening to break.

"Soul," Marie's voice sliced through the line. "I'm going to call her mom, her dad, but I need you to call Star, Liz, make sure she didn't just couch hop tonight."

"She's not there," he let the entirety of the reality hit him, that sharp voice whispering in the back of his mind.

_"What does she taste like?"_

"Soul, did you hear me?" Marie's voice spiked into his ear. "Frank is calling Spirit. I'm going to call Rin and you call the others now, got it? Call me back in a few minutes."

The line clicked and Soul stared dumbly at the dimly illuminated screen.

_"Does she make a lot of noise when you fuck her?"_

His swallow clicked dry as he trembled a hand towards the phone, but instead of the motions so easily dictated to him, he shoved it back into his pocket. His legs were trapped in molasses but he pushed them forward, managing half a run in the hall as he grabbed his coat and jammed on his shoes. He was out into the night air before his phone started to buzz again but he ignored it, rushing out into traffic regardless of the horn blares to the stairwell of the parking deck. Bounding step after step, his breath was thin as he catapulted onto the level, his lungs shrinking further as he saw the car.

_"I'll need to know."_

For a second, his feet refused to budge, to accept the reality in front of him that the car was there, door ajar as a soft ding competed with his pounding heart for space in his ears. A low moan broke his lips, a sound he wasn't even sure had come from him, resonating a thousand miles off as he finally willed his legs to move him to the open door. Her bag was on the seat, the keys in the ignition, and her phone cracked on the ground.

" _Ask me why I want to know if that little girl you're fucking is loud or not."_

 _You let her go alone,_ a second dark voice cooed in his head, an amalgamation of all those oily tones along with a version of his own. _You left her all alone and now look what you did. You sure loved her, didn't you? Loved her so much you let her go to her death._

Soul almost curled up into it and let those words tear his flesh from bone but as he sucked in air he stepped back, willing a wash of cold water down his back. He finally picked up his phone, seeing the missed calls from all of the names he was supposed to be reaching, and dialed Marie.

"Please tell me-"

Soul was already bounding down the steps but he grunted the line clearly, "Get a team to the parking deck across from the apartment. I'm almost to the security booth. I'll have them pull the footage so it's ready when they get here. Make sure Liz is lead, I don't care who else follows."

There was a sharp intake of air before the words ripped at him, "What are you going to do?"

Soul hung up, knowing she was better off not hearing the particulars, knowing he ultimately didn't have an answer to that question other than _what wouldn't I do?_ His fist pounded against the security office door as he unclipped his badge from his belt. It was the regular flash accompanied by his detective-quick-talk, always spurring anyone into a fear of do-it-or-die. In a second he was scrolling back through the few hours of tape, putting in the time of their fight for a start.

In grainy black and white, he watched her.

One man pulled her out by the hair, dragging her against the concrete.

The second man tried to grab her legs, Maka shooting a firm kick to his groin to send him to the floor, leaving Soul with only a modicum of joy. _She fought, of course, she fought._

That hand yanked at her hair and the other joined it, stuffing what looked like a bandana into Maka's mouth.

" _Ask me why I want to know if that little girl you're fucking is loud or not."_

Soul forced the thought away, eyes stuck on Maka floundering violently but not having a chance against two bulky men taking her by surprise.

_She wouldn't have been surprised if you hadn't done what you did. Hadn't driven her off. Hadn't-_

His eyes darted to the attendant, "PD will be here in ten - Detective Liz Thompson will be the lead. Show her this. Start it here." Soul moved the mouse back to that shot just before Maka got to the car. He was out of the box in a flash, running across the divide of the road back up to the apartment. Inside, his movements were automatic, clipping his gun to his belt before trampling back into Maka's room. He had to leave her bag there - touching it would have been an idiotic destruction of evidence - but if Maka Albarn was anything she was thorough so her desk would contain duplicate files. He rifled through until he found the text he wanted.

 _7 Hemlock Grove and 55 Athens Drive,_ he scribbled on a note.

Soul was still for a moment, calculating distances and possibilities as he knew each tick was a precious one, another second that she could be slipping away. He pocketed it before striding back down the hallway, jingling his keys in his pocket.

* * *

Maka awoke in the darkness, hands and feet bound but her lips relievingly free. _That must mean screaming doesn't matter._ She took a deep breath, testing the idea but giving it up - stuck somewhere between not wanting to draw attention and saving the hope that she might need her voice strong somewhere down the line. She tested the turn of her wrist, finding them kissing tightly together at her back. The hopelessness of it washed over her for a moment, all of her previous instruction on breaking zip-ties relying on hands in front or at least a little more mobility than this since whoever it was had been smart enough to twine an arm in the middle of the chair rather than just lazily leaving them against her back.

_They're smart. Or at least smart enough._

She heaved a sigh before letting the tiniest of pleas fall from her lips, "Soul."

Her chin tucked to her chest for a moment, letting that wave wash over her, that cluttering weakness slowly abating. Maka tested her legs, knowing any extensive balancing act was out of the question but needing simple proof that her knees wouldn't give. They held and didn't buckle at the weight of the chair, allowing for a small trickle of relief to fill at least a corner of her heart. Maka shut her eyes and pulled in a breath.

_Soul, you have to know. You have to know that even me mad at you wouldn't leave you not knowing where I am. And no matter how stupid I was, you have to know, have to somewhere in your all worrying mind know that I love you, too, and that me running is just par for the course. Please, please, know. Because I'm going to make sure I survive but I need you to help me the rest of the way._

* * *

Getting a burner phone was as easy as elementary math: just add an extra twenty to a street kid's hand and you get a fine, indestructible piece of plastic that mostly can't be traced. Soul added the two numbers he needed and proceeded to shut off his cellphone, leaving it lifeless on the passenger seat. He tucked the new little square in his pocket and started the ride downtown, the warehouse district calling his name.

He couldn't necessarily say that it looked anything different from any of the others - no sinister glow or spotlight of illegal activity. The first step was to drive by aimlessly, making sure that his car or person attracted as much attention as a dust speck on the wind. Enough distance and he parked the car, edging out into the cold that didn't bite at him half as much as that voice still urging him on.

_You really fucking loved her, did you?_

The past tense was gnawing at him but his legs still kept that slow amble, that nowhere-to-be gait that would accompany her at the grocery store or to a movie. He was trying to be that, feel that, to let those moments not be so far even if they were slipping through his fingers as easily as water down a drain. The shadows swallowed him whole as Soul hugged the side of the building, slipping between windows as his feet barely scraped across the pavement. A few men meandered around but not many, nothing bustling and no nerves running high. Instead, it was the regular back and forth until one made the mistake to come out for a smoke break.

Soul took the knife from his pocket, flicking it open before easing between the darkness and the smoke, laying the blade against the warm flesh of the man's neck. "Your boss here?"

The man let out a snort of a breath.

"I asked, your boss here?" and Soul pressed the blade further, feeling it catch against skin.

"No," the voice gruffed softly.

"Where?"

"Don't know."

Soul angled the blade closer and a whine erupted from the man's throat.

"He's out tonight, not to be disturbed."

"So he's got something at his cabin?"

"I don't _know_."

Soul sucked his teeth, "You feel like dyin'?"

"Man, I said I don't _know_."

"And I'm sayin' I'm in the fucking mood," Soul hissed. " _If_ he's not here, then it's the cabin, right? No other places."

"I don't think so."

"Give me your fucking hands," Soul grumbled as he popped one of the zip-ties from his belt. "Palms together, asshole." There was a struggle, Soul not necessarily having much practice with this and a knife in the mix but he managed before taking the roll of duct tape out of his pocket. This he had to drop the knife for but the man seemed too scared shitless to take a chance that the knife wasn't going for his back rather than his throat so Soul had the prime opportunity to slap a long swatch of tape over the man's mouth, making sure hair and skin alike became an anchor.

The dumpster two buildings down was as good a place as any, and Soul considered it a blessing that the real dark bastard in him didn't come out to play.

* * *

It took a solid minute to adapt to the lights, Maka's eyes resisting the reality as well as the brightness. Her surroundings didn't offer any comfort, less of a basement and more of a tunnel, one of those root-cellars that had been hand-dug at least a hundred years ago with a dirt floor that spoke of sucking up eons worth of woeful enterprise. She tried not to focus on the dark stains, instead, her eyes flicking to the top of the stairs that had started to creak.

" _You aren't ever going to be alone with that guy again."_ Soul's order rang in her head as the feet gave way to a body and then a face, a slick smile pressed into thin lips.

 _Looks like I was right, Soul, you can't protect me every single time._ Maka tried to force a blank face, gnawing on her tongue to keep any sound from erupting.

"Nice to see you again, little lady," Giriko cooed as he stopped just in front of her. He leaned, hands planted on the arms of the chair to trap her. "Sorry we had to meet this way, but I wanted to see ya and was pretty sure that little guard dog of yours was going to get in the way."

Maka's eyes shone up at him as she finally released her tongue, opening her mouth to expel a gob of spit into his face.

Laughter erupted from his mouth but it was finely edged with rage as he slid a hand to clear the liquid from his cheek and nose. "Oh, maybe I had you wrong. Told your little dog that you were stale, but maybe you still have some kind of life left in you. I can't fucking _wait_ to taste it." He lunged forward, grasping her by the neck as he reached for the knife at his belt. "Go ahead, little lady, try that again."

She paused, eyes flicking towards the blade as it drew closer. He angled it down, making it catch the end of her shirt, and with a thin, high-pitched squeal the fabric split as the blade ran up. It caught skin just as her collar, barely a nick but enough to draw a fine droplet of blood. It only lasted there for a moment, Giriko angling his head and catching the red with his tongue. Maka couldn't stop the shudder and it fed another laugh from his lips.

"Oh, little lady, I love when you do that," he purred. "Can't wait to find out what kinda voice you got. Your dog wasn't too into telling me, got pretty pissed off when I asked, but I'm going to guess you're a screamer."

Maka pressed her eyes closed, willing her body to listen. _No. No, I won't. Because none of this matters. Not one touch, not one thing matters because the first, the only person was Soul. So no, none of this matters._


	19. Tooth and Nail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **trigger warning** for sexual assault references, borderline (because I can't).

The car was the problem. He couldn't drive it straight up to the house unless he wanted a stand-off, but the idea of having his getaway more than a few steps away was daunting. He drove past the cabin, more of a shack than anything else but there was a distinctive low flicker of light from one of the windows, kindling a hope that strangled him. When he was far enough into a bend he pushed the car into the shoulder, leaving it in the grass as he started the walk through the dying leaves. He stopped right at the edge of the trees before taking the phone out of his pocket.

A few rings brought Liz's frantic voice, "Hello?"

"Call an all-available to 7 Hemlock Grove. EMS, too."

There was a flustered, scuffling sound before the slam of a door. "Soul?"

"Call the all-available."

"Soul, where the hell are you? Marie said you called, but she can't get a hold of you and-"

"Call it, Liz." He hung up the phone, listening to the still of the night, waiting in the utter silence of the woods on the cusp of winter. Suddenly there was a drawn-out beep from the dashboard, a squawk of a voice erupting with the address at hand. Soul breathed out steam, eyes with no hope of making out the building since spruces and low brush took up most of his sight. He unholstered his gun and took the first crunching step.

* * *

Maka was nothing but goosebumps, the trembling less from his touch and more from the damp chill of the basement as she sat just in her panties. It wasn't fingertips but slice after slice as he ran the knife to crosshatch whatever sensitive skin he could find. This was familiar from the pictures, the superficial marks that screamed of the psychological torture that had to preface the physical.

Each time she blinked it was to bring back an image of Soul, to see him in the million different ways that brought calm and normalcy - as if that could survive long in these moments of blades and Giriko's jagged smile. For the most part, she needed eyes open, senses pulling in from far and wide because there had to be a moment, a second where Giriko would make a mistake. There was no way she was going to lose to him, no matter what that knife did.

The blade has just dipped to her hip, hinting at the destruction of her last lick of clothing before a striking buzz echoed over his low chuckling. "What the fuck," he muttered as he slapped the weapon to the table and ripped the phone from his pocket. He lifted it to his ear and while there was barely any love to it his voice still strained with an edge of politeness, "I thought I told you I was busy tonight, Arachne."

There was a tinny, muffled response.

"Like it matters if I use your fucking name," he threw a smirk in Maka's direction. "I'm going to fucking slit her throat anyway, so who gives a shit if she knows? Hey, little lady, Arachne sends her regards. Says she looks forward to me fucking you bloody."

Maka didn't give him the response he wanted, simply blinking those green eyes shut and reliving a simple vision of Soul half-asleep on the couch, bitching about the dishes.

"Did you hear me?" Giriko snapped but his attention was almost immediately back to the phone. "Yeah, alright, fine. Just give me a sec." He sent one more glance her way before he turned back to the steps, feet thudding back up into the main part of the house.

She waited a few breaths, listening for the footsteps until they receded enough that she couldn't hear their ring. Even with the shivering, Maka managed to lift and move the chair until it was right up against the table. It was awkward to stand all the way, the chair threatening to topple and ruin the whole operation but she managed to raise aching arms high enough to grab the knife left behind. Quickly, she moved the chair back, knowing that would be the only thing noticeably amiss in the room before toying with the blade in her fingers. She turned it, hoping that the edge was sharp enough to not need a sawing motion to do the job at hand. After enough pressure, there was a satisfying pop, her wrists suddenly free of their confinement.

Next she leaned over, slicing through the zip-tie at her feet but leaving it convincingly drooping around her ankles. Maka leaned back in the chair, holding the tie that had been around her wrists in one hand and the knife in the other. She tested her grip on the hilt and sucked in a long, low breath to count her heartbeats until the creak of the stairs drowned it out.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, little lady," he cooed as he added a pleasant hop to the last step. "Apparently, your building is already buzzing. Looks like that Sergeant of yours can't wipe his ass without you and already sounded the alarms. It's a real pain in the ass because I wanted to take my time with you." His hands lowered to his belt, undoing the buckle along with the button of his fly. "Just make sure you scream now, got it?"

Maka slowly fluttered her fine lashes over the jade of her eyes, locking with his as she heard his fly unzip. She waited for another step forward, for that horrible grin to sit level with hers before she let her arm fly in one smooth motion. There was a second of consideration that skin and muscle should be resistant but the way the blade simply sunk between Giriko's collarbone left Maka in a strange way unsatisfied, but the look on his face was enough. At the same moment she was raising her leg, pistoning her foot out to connect with his groin. A hopeless groan of air left his mouth as he fell backwards.

There was no clinging to this moment, only feet clattering wildly across the floor and up the stairs, hands grabbing and aiding with every step. Maka wasn't listening for him, her mind trying to blot Giriko out completely and just leave the blaring call forward. At the top of the stairs her luck left her with only one place to turn, a small kitchen with a screen door to the back. There was no point in letting her eyes linger anywhere else and Maka erupted through the door, the night hitting her like a thin veil of ice but her heart and her body not allowing for an inch of the chill to slow her down.

She circled around to the front of the house, the gravel of the driveway digging into her feet without much pain thanks to the loss of circulation as the bitter frigidity tried to pull her under. A clatter came from behind her and before Maka could even hope to send a message from brain to legs she felt the push, tossing her into the digging pebbles with a yelp. She couldn't even get to her knees, the pressure suddenly on top of her as the knife, slick and red now sat at her throat.

"Oh, you little fucking _whore_ ," he grumbled into her ear.

"No," Maka blared. "No, no, no!"

His hands were warm against the ice of her skin, grabbing at the last of the fabric so that it tore into her skin as it ripped, leaving red and raw marks behind.

"No!" It wasn't begging, pleading, but a firm refusal as Maka started to kick and dig her legs into the ground, ignoring the feeling of rocks biting into her knees and shins.

"Stop moving or I'll fucking slit your throat."

 _I won't let you_ , her mind screamed as she tried one last desperate dig. Her foot caught, bringing the knife across her shoulder, a gaping wound that slid down to her back as she gained barely enough purchase to get an inch out from underneath him.

"Get the _fuck_ off her," Soul's voice barked through the panic.

Maka's heart was frantically clattering in her chest, and while she knew her efforts were better left to pulling herself out she focused on turning, catching sight of him standing with chest heaving and clouding breath at the treeline, gun trained on the two of them.

"Last warning," Soul gritted between his teeth, "off her now or I shoot."

It wasn't time for his name but all of her body was screaming it until the knife sunk into her side, that lazy run from her shoulder and down her back finding a home just under her ribs. Two clamoring shots rang out over her groan and while the pressure of the hilt against her skin lessened, the weight on her back did not, Giriko heaving rattling breaths against her back.

"Maka," Soul wanted it to be a scream but it came out as a hoarse whisper. His boot came down hard against Giriko, tossing him uselessly to the side as the next raspy words left his lips. "I should have just fucking shot him. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck," he prattled off as his hands touched lifeless skin that felt closer to porcelain than flesh. "Maka, stay with me for one more second. Is anyone else here?"

"I don't know," Maka croaked, finding her hands useless in trying to press up her weight. "I don't think so."

"Oh, _fuck,_ " he moaned again. Soul ripped off his jacket, feeling that tinge of utter uselessness as he wrapped it around her without any warmth there to save. He left the knife in, slowly angling her on her side so he could sit her up. "Maka, this is gonna hurt, but I'm going to lift you."

Maka bit down a sob before giving a sharp nod.

"Over my shoulder, OK?" It was the worst position, that hilt blaring right in the corner of his eyes as he fit her waist to his shoulder and went from his knees to a crouched on his haunches. His thighs protested as he brought them to standing but Soul's mind was completely elsewhere, that knife sunken into her skin containing the entirety of his attention. "I should have just shot him," Soul uttered uselessly.

"Soul…"

"Don't," his voice finally fell and cracked, his fingers tightening into her legs. "Please, don't, Maka. Just… I need you to be safe first."

That squeezed into her heart, the pain in her side momentarily forgotten in the twist of her chest.

The only sounds now were the crunch of the stones under his feet, the noisy desperation of each huff of his breath. As he reached the end of the drive, the cavalcade of lights suddenly came into view, the road becoming a sea of blues and reds. Soul raised up his hand weakly, watching the pattern the flashes made across his palm.

"Soul!" Liz's voice brought some sense of relief to him, the woosh of the ambulance pulling next to him adding another modicum of comfort. "Oh, Maka!"

"He's down the end of the driveway," Soul's voice came low and full of gravel.

"Who?" Liz was rushing to him, her hands helping to ease Maka off his shoulder and down to her feet.

"Giriko," Soul muttered. "I shot him."

Liz bit into her lip, "You'll have to come with us."

"Yeah, I know," he sighed achingly. "Just… give me a second."

It wasn't Soul's grip on Maka anymore but a plethora of strangers, the safety of the back of the ambulance bringing with it a reminder of the cold and the pain. She was being wrapped, moved, secured, settled, but none of it brought that total reassurance until his face dipped into view, his hands coming to her cheeks to pull her out of the gray dullness that was washing over her.

"Hey, Maka, listen up," he murmured, bringing his face so close to hers that she could feel the heat of his breath against her blue lips. "I gotta go for a little while. They're going to take you to the hospital and I… I'll make sure Stein's there, at least, but I… tell me now if you don't want me to come."

"Are you stupid?" she groaned.

"Maka…" his eyes searched hers, seeing the dimness, the absence of shine and sense but still her eyebrows sweetly pressed into a furrow.

"You're stupid," she whispered as the tears started in her eyes. "Don't leave me."

"Gotta, just for a little while," he forced half a smirk. "We both have to answer some questions - you know the drill. But… I'll be there when you wake up, OK? No matter what." Soul watched her eyes close, the stubborn crease to her forehead not abating but at least no more abuse from her mouth. Pulling himself from that seat at her side, from adding warmth to her cheeks was as simple as ripping off his own fingernails but he forced it. When his feet hit the gravel again, the doors shutting in front of him to entirely obscure Maka from view, he felt the message loud and clear with each beat of his heart. _You really fucking love her, don't you?_


	20. Confession 3

The assumption that the knot in Soul's gut would dissipate had been wholeheartedly wrong. Maka's safety might have been easy to assure - especially since Stein was a text away and had been leaving him succinct play-by-play messages for the last half hour - but Soul was holding true to Maka's accusation.

 _I'm stupid_ , his mind muttered. _Because I'm pretty sure the minute I get there, I'm right back to our fight, right back to my hands on her wrists screaming senselessly that I love her._

"Soul," his name made his lids pop back open to see those brown eyes that always glared.

"Harvar," Soul jutted his chin as an added greeting.

"Let's make this quick," Harvar's voice was dry, without an ounce of nonsense that could spell out the years they knew each other. "You called your Captain to inform her that you believed Ms. Albarn was kidnapped."

"Yeah," Soul only added a blink to accent the words.

"Then your precinct issued phone was shut off, leaving us with no knowledge of your whereabouts."

"Battery died," Soul answered effortlessly as his shoulders shrugged.

Harvar pressed the glasses up on the bridge of his nose, pinching the tension underneath. "Then, an hour later, there was a tip that came in about the address of the cabin."

Soul let the slow amble of a smirk touch his cheek, "Nice that the community is pitching in."

Those brown eyes only narrowed at him again, "Detective Elizabeth Thompson received the call but said the number was unregistered and the speaker did not identify themselves."

"Wish they would have," Soul spoke evenly, that smile starting to grow. "Might send them a thank you card or somethin'."

"But somehow, you were on the scene before anyone else."

Soul leaned a little more in the chair, offering a slow breath. "You know, Maka's old man's not that far up the road. I was honestly on my way there to see if she'd just gone to see him when the call came in over the radio. Lucky me that I was passing that way. All available means anyone in the vicinity, right? Can't hold it against me that I did what I was asked."

Harvar slowly closed his eyes, pressing the lids hard before he blinked them back open to size Soul up one last time. "And you shot Giriko Saw."

"Two to the back," Soul still had to grit the idea through his teeth, nothing fulfilling about the act that came too late. "Gave him the regular warning, back off or I'd shoot. He had a knife to Ms. Albarn's throat - you know, the one that ended up in her side instead - so I'm pretty sure anyone would have taken the shot."

"I don't think that's the argument," Harvar finally loosed a sigh. "You're telling me the truth, Soul, about how you got there?"

"Why would I lie to you?" Soul shot back.

"Because, apparently, there's a rumor that you and Ms. Albarn-"

"Why does that make an ounce of difference?" Soul intoned coldly. "You just said the argument isn't whether or not that shot was good."

"But _you_ being the one doing the shooting. Are you sure Ms. Albarn is going to corroborate your story?"

The start to a vicious, seething laugh started in this throat and he just clenched it behind his teeth in time not to let it echo madly in the room. Instead, he forced a slow shake of his head. "You know how I found her? Naked, screaming underneath a man who had a knife to her throat. Tell me, Harvar, you see that you think it matters if you love the girl who's doing the howling or if she's a complete stranger? I'd even go so far as to say that a guy who was in love should have shot without a warning, don't you think?"

Harvar left his questions sitting in the air, a steady stare holding him as they digested.

The door popped open, slapping against the wall from the pressure. Marie stood, half-dressed with her hair thrown up in a ponytail. "That's enough."

"Captain, I thought I requested that-"

"Yeah, sure, and you can take your complaint to the upper brass and I'll be happy to deal with it then." Marie took one of the hands from her hips and waved out into the hallway. "Now if you'll excuse us, I have to talk to my Sergeant before he makes his way to the hospital."

Harvar exchanged one last glance between the two before standing slowly. "Soul, this is the last time I would like to interview you."

"Hey, thanks, Harvar," Soul let his smile settle easily. "Last time I want to see you, too. Unless you finally take us up on the beers we always invite you to."

He barely let a smile come to his lips, "Stop inviting Star and I might show up."

"No can do," Soul shrugged. "Plus, you know you get a couple beers in you and you can deal with anything Star throws at you."

"Then I guess you're buying," Harvar offered with a sharp nod.

A smile passed between them before Harvar turned on his way, allowing for Marie to slam the door behind him. "I'm _so_ angry with you, Soul Evans."

"OK," he sighed softly back.

A deep inhale meant that Marie was about to let the fur fly but instead the sharp sentence bluntly fell in his lap, "But I have to save this reaming for when Maka's not in the hospital."

"Stein's with her," he murmured.

"Oh, yes, and the man who told his five-year-old son that crying only leaves you with salt in your mouth is a great person to have at your bedside," Marie sighed. "Honestly, why didn't you just throw a fit in the field? Liz probably would have covered for you to go to the hospital."

Soul cleared his throat weakly, "Just… wasn't sure she wanted me there."

"You had a fight."

"Sorta," Soul only let his eyes flick to hers momentarily before losing the nerve and focusing on the curve of his knuckles. "Marie, before I go, I need to ask you somethin'."

Her voice was soft, wrapping around him with that regular warmth that only Marie could offer. "Of course."

"I, uh," Soul let a trembling breath break his lips. "I want the Lieutenant position."

"What?" Her hand was suddenly jutting out to him, grasping his shoulder to bring his eyes back to hers.

"Yeah," he nodded softly. "Just… not too far, OK? I'm not movin' or anything, but… yeah, I'm takin' it."

"Did you…" Soul watched her work over the words but gave in completely, the rush coming from Marie's lips like a lanced wound, "... tell Maka about it? Is that what the fight was about?"

"Nah," Soul shrugged. "It's just time, right? Time for a lot of stuff," he let that drift off as he stood up slowly, slipping out of her fingers. "I can go to the hospital?"

"One last thing," Marie pursed her lips as if there wasn't, leaving a pause to eat at Soul's gut. "There might be guys out there who are in love and would shoot without warning."

The pause left Soul's mind clamoring to end her words. _Yeah, and I'll remember that for the rest of my life. The knife going in. The pain on her face that I could have stopped._

"But there are some guys who are in love and give a warning because they know the person they love doesn't want them giving into that dark side, the one that says that there's nothing to do but what you want." Marie let her hand drift up to his cheek, a maneuver that if Soul had a normal childhood would have had some nostalgia for but found it nothing but alien though at least still comforting. "I have a feeling you could have done a lot of terrible things tonight, Soul, but I know you didn't. And what's even more strange is that you feel bad about that. You saved Maka. You did your job. Maybe it's time you accept that is enough."

* * *

Soul's voice was humming behind the curtain and Maka, even in her aching, tired stupor, was latching on to every word that was slipping between him and Stein.

"She was OK with the evidence taking?" Soul seemed to tremble out each word.

"Ah, she accepted most but refused the rape kit," Stein answered methodically.

"Shit," he murmured back.

"Soul," Stein was practically chiding him. "It was because nothing happened."

"He," Soul's voice broke. "He was on top of her, Stein, she was-"

"And nothing happened," Stein reiterated.

There was this crumbling sound of squashed breathing and Maka forced up to seated even through the pain and haze. "Soul?"

"Go in there," Stein was the softest she had ever heard him, and as the curtain rustled she saw why.

Soul was a shell, if anything at all, his eyes lined red and exhausted, practically half-lidded. It wasn't as if he kept them on her, trailing the hospital issued blanket as his hands clenched into the plastic end of the bed. _How are you feeling?_ felt stupid on his tongue but anything else he had to offer terrified him, so all his fingers could do was clench, his breathing coming strained through his teeth.

Maka pulled in a breath, "Are you OK?"

"Stupid question," he muttered back.

"Well, not physically hurt or anything?" Maka asked softly.

He let out a derisive laugh, "Asks the one who was stabbed."

"Soul…" she cautioned.

"Nah, not hurt."

"Don't make that face."

He felt the reverberation of the past as he finally lifted his eyes to hers. "What face?"

"The one where you're sorry," she murmured. "You don't get to be sorry, Soul."

The argument crushed between his teeth as he lowered his head again.

"Actually," Maka tried to chime but her voice was still soft, exhausted. "I'm going to insist that you have to be mad at me for at least a week."

"Maka," he wanted to start admonishing but it quivered in his throat, broken by the tears that burned at the back of his eyes.

" _Angry_ , Soul. You have to be angry," she urged.

"I-" he barely stuttered out the vowel.

"Um," she let her own voice frantically tremble through the vowel before she soothed it with a deep breath. "That was… the only thing I ever wanted to hear, Soul. That you loved me."

His eyes darted up to hers just in time to catch the first wash of tears.

"I'd only heard you say that you didn't-"

"What?" he cut in quickly, weight leaning into the edge of the bed. "When did I say I didn't?"

Maka ran a hand over her face, trying to wipe the horrible shriveling in her lips. "I know it probably wasn't fair, but I overheard you with Star that night at the bonfire when you were in the kitchen."

"What?" he almost shrieked, his head cocking to the side as a strange clarity came to his eyes. "You mean while you locked yourself in the bathroom?"

She nodded slowly.

"Oh, fuck me," he muttered with a horrifying bitter laugh. " _I don't love her. I owe her that much._ "

Maka sucked in another breath, "And I know you were young and just-"

"Yeah, I was, Maka," his voice snapped back with strength. "And that was the night that I realized I love you, more than I would _ever_ love _her_ \- my mom."

"Your…" Maka let the fire of it slip into her veins.

"My mom," he pronounced again with a biting hardness. "I… I let her go that night. I turned off my phone. I made love to you because I was desperate to fucking show it and…"

"And I messed it up," she murmured weakly.

" _We_ messed it up," he corrected with a sigh. Soul dropped his head to his hands, resting it on the cold plastic as he groaned at the floor, "Just like me officially tellin' you while I'm drunk and screaming wasn't exactly the best fucking idea in the world."

"Just like me running away as soon as I heard it?" Maka shot back desperately. "Like me running away without saying it back?"

His head lifted almost instantly and how he stopped the begging from coming from his mouth was beyond him, but there was more than enough of it in his eyes to spell it out easily for the girl who'd always seen through him.

"Because I do, Soul," she barely pulled in enough air but when it came to her, her chest felt warm with it. "I love you."

"How the fuck am I supposed to be mad at you?" he barely breathed out, the words just a weak squeeze from his throat.

Maka shrugged, trying to push away the grimace at the pain it elicited. "By being mad. But that doesn't mean you can't come here, please."

His movements were achingly slow, unsteady steps squeaking across the hospital linoleum until he could sit at the edge of the bed. In all his hesitation, Maka had none, pressing her forehead into his chest and even though her skin and muscles complained, throwing her arms around his middle. Delicate hands tried to find space on her back, feather touches to avoid eliciting pain only made her yearn for more. "I'm sorry," his voice was fragile, wound so tightly as it hit the edge of her hairline.

"I told you-"

"Fine, then, I'm pissed," he pressed back with fissures in each word. "I'm so fucking angry that he touched you. That I _let_ him touch you. That I let him have even the chance to do what he did. I should have fucking shot him-"

"Angry at me, Soul," she corrected softly. "And, no, you know you did the right thing. Maybe it doesn't feel like it, but you're a cop - actually, a good man first. You know that, I know that."

"But he-"

"Nothing happened," Maka planted the words firmly over his. "And everything that did happen, I just thought about you. I stayed alive and you made sure I was more than alive. You stopped it before the worst."

His trembling lips pressed to her hairline, a shaky breath followed by another soft caress. "It's not good enough. What I did, it's not good enough."

"Oh, Soul," she murmured as her fingers clutched into his shirt. "Just say it again and it'll all be fine."

"I love you," he cried mournfully, his breath hitching as he forced it out hoarsely over and over against her hair, that dam finally broken and all of it washing over her.


	21. Us

Sunlight was funneling into the hallway, deceitfully telling Maka that it was time for coffee, breakfast, and the other myriad of pre-work activities like chasing Soul out of the bathroom but instead it was the two of them just slinking home, exhaustion biting at their heels. Soul was her shadow, mimicking each step like he could be any more in-sync with her as he followed her to the crossroads - bathroom ahead, her bedroom to the left, his to the right. Soul's hand grasped softly at her elbow, slowing her even though she lacked much momentum. "What do you need?"

That was a hell of a question, a clutter of answers crowded her mind and she wanted all of them at once. "Um," she tried to muddle through them, her eyes once again prickly with tears. "Will you just stay with me?"

"Yeah, sure," he murmured probably one of the easiest answers of his life since letting her out of his sight, out of the reach of his hand seemed to make as much sense as giving up oxygen.

"I think I'm just going to soak for a little," she narrated as she went into the bathroom, turning the knobs until steamy water because to rush past her testing fingers. "I have to be careful of the stitches but… I kind of still feel _dirty_." That word was almost too much, the weight of it slapping at her tongue. Maka started to peel off the police-issued sweats; for once her mind was too busy to bother to linger on the idea of whether or not he was studying her, thinking about her body. It still hadn't come back to feeling like her own, as if the cold wasn't thawed and her skin was somewhere else. It wasn't until she got toes in the water, turning to situate herself in the tub that she risked a glance at him.

Soul had dug a hand into the doorframe, both supporting him and allowing him to grind his knuckles into the wood, the bit of pain attempting to clarify all the horrible chaos in his head. It was the bandages, the one across her neck and down her shoulder and the other peeking behind her elbow that started the tearing in his heart but as she turned, she exposed the fine cuts across her chest and stomach that he hadn't had the ability to register in all the horror. Soul had just managed to gulp down the mournful, rage-induced cry.

Maka's hand came up, fingers fanning as if they could cover the mess, her lip starting to tremble.

The simple motion of her hand broke the spell, Soul's feet steadily crossing the small space to take some of her weight into his hands. "Let me help you."

She only offered a nod.

There had never been a moment before where he'd actually felt she was fragile - maybe thought it once or twice but actually felt it like brittle sun-dried flecks of paper beneath his fingers was an entirely new experience. He settled her in the tub while he opted for the cold tile floor, his feet opposite of hers. Soul reached up awkwardly, fingers barely clasping on the washcloth before he tossed it into the tepid water. "Kinda fielded some calls for you," he whispered hoarsely as he dowsed the cloth a couple of times, letting the trickle of the water interrupt his words. "I guess after Marie sent out the original alert, Spirit kind of blew up my phone. Think about a hundred missed calls when I turned it back on."

Maka sighed as she pulled her knees closer to her chest. "What did he say?"

"Uh, missed ninety percent of it with his blubbering," Soul scoffed tightly. "Five percent was how he'd murder me if anything happened to you. Last five was that we could expect him in the morning."

"So, now?" Maka groaned.

"Nah," Soul shrugged. "Used my last favor with him to get him to hold off until three. Give you some time to relax."

Maka tilted her head, "Since when do you have favors with Papa?"

Soul snorted, "Maybe it's more like I owe him one now."

"That's dangerous."

"You're tellin' me," he muttered. His fingers were trembling but he smoothed the washcloth up her shin, starting to peel away the layers of grime and grit. "Hurts?"

"A little," she grumbled, "but keep going."

He leaned over the edge of the tub, lazily alternating between rewetting the washcloth and running it along her legs.

"Soul?"

"Yeah?"

"I kind of think I get it," she murmured.

"Get what?"

"When you said the hospital was one of your favorite memories."

He steadied those red eyes on her just in time to catch the soft start to her smile.

"Even with all the pain," the smile threatened to crinkle but suddenly caught, making her rest its vibrant weight on her knee, "we made it, and that's what was important. You're who I wanted to see."

"Yeah, well, glad you get it, but…" he cleared his throat, clenching the cloth to mimic the tightness there, "I'm sorta not into doing that again, OK?"

Maka offered a weak laugh, "Me either."

"I…" the sound started, stumbled, stopped on his lips before he forced the next bit. "Maka, I'll always protect you."

"I know."

A slow shake started to his head, "But… I think maybe I've done it in the wrong way. For a while."

"Soul-"

"I know before you said I can't, but there's a lot I gotta apologize for," he forced over her voice. "And one kind of has to happen now."

Maka's hand came over his, wringing it and the washcloth.

He lifted his eyes slowly from the water. "I lied to you. I know you probably know that already. I… I thought I was doin' the right thing for _us_ , even if I wasn't ever really sure there was an _us_. I didn't take the Lieutenant position because I thought you'd see it as me leavin' you. The way you… when you told me to take it, you cried, Maka, and I thought you were scared of me giving up, but I think I was just scared, too. I didn't want things to change. I still… I'm still fucking scared, but I know now that things _have_ to change."

His other hand joined the mass, squeezing hers. "I told Marie I want to take it and I want you to know why _now_ so you're not hearing it any sort of way other than the one that's comin' from my mouth. I meant it when I said that I want the happy stuff with you. I want what we have at home to be _us_ , not that mess at work. I'll still help you and I know you'll still help me but… there has to be a line. Do you get that?"

Maka tucked her face behind her knees, her shoulders shimmying through a breath but her head still nodding against her skin.

"Because I do have to let you do things on your own. So, work you're Ms. Albarn, I'll be Lieutenant Evans but at home… Maka, I want you to be with me. I want it to be _us_."

"It's always been _us_ ," she barely squeezed out against her skin.

"Sorta," he murmured, "but it sometimes feels like it's you and me and we've been meetin' in the middle since, well, since the bonfire. And I love you, and I'm… I believe you when you say you love me, but we gotta be different."

"That night…" she was still trapping the words behind her legs, barely hearing them echo against the tiles. "You said once you thought it was the best night of your life."

"Yeah," the answer bubbled easily from his mouth, "'Til the next day, when I kissed you and you… you cried. Assumed you realized it was a mistake then. Didn't want what I wanted so I… it kind of became the worst one instead."

A sob clattered from her mouth and Soul dropped the towel and her hands. He awkwardly moved to his knees, leaning into the tub as best he could to wrap his arms around her. "I didn't want it to be a mistake," the words just shuttered off her tongue, "I wanted you to say it, to take back everything you said in the kitchen, but you _didn't_."

"I know," he breathed out into her hair, arms tightening. "Honestly, though, not sure I think it was actually a mistake."

"It wasn't?" Maka's head finally tilted, creating a space between them so those thoughtful red eyes could narrow down at her.

"I did it because I love you," he sighed, but a smile was still pulling gently at the corner of his lips. "And maybe I can guess that, in your head, you did it because you love me."

Maka nodded softly, biting into her lower lip to stop it from trembling.

"So we were in love, Maka," he murmured. "Maybe we both sucked at it, but we'll get better, right?"

Her wet fingertips came out of the water, slipping to his cheeks where they left little droplets like tears to run down his jawline. "Better," she whispered before taking in a desperate breath, "different, an actual _us._ I promise, Soul."

* * *

Maka woke to the gentle drift of Soul's hand clearing hair from her face. "Hey, Maka, your dad's here."

A grumbling groan left her lips before she tucked her face into the pillow.

"Come on, lazy," he nudged her before letting his fingers slip under the covers, releasing her warmth and ruining the protective cocoon that he'd tucked her into a few hours ago. "While he's here, I'm gonna go out for a little."

"Out?" Maka peeked from her hiding space.

"Check in on Liz, last few questions with Harvar - work stuff." Soul's hand worked its way back up her arm, stopping to tangle an errant finger in a golden lock. "What do you need while I'm out?"

"Just for you to come back," she whispered, letting a wisp of a smile hit her lips.

"Not hard." Even with the pull in two separate directions, Soul stayed put for a few more rises and falls of his chest, letting his fingertips tickle through her hair. Her eyes watched his, holding her breath as they got bigger, closer as his face sunk down to find her hiding spot, lips pressing gently to hers. "I'll be back soon." Again, it hit him that arm's reach was already too far away but he forced himself out into the hallway.

Maka listened to the soft exchange, the rumble of their respective low voices before sliding up on her elbows. She waited to hear any footsteps one way or the other, finding silence suddenly filling the apartment. After enough internal griping, Maka slipped out of bed and started towards the kitchen. "Papa?"

"You're moving in the right direction," his voice called from the doorway but still no red-head.

As Maka turned the corner she caught sight of him, leaning languidly over the counter of the island, a cup of coffee warming his hands. "You made coffee?"

"No, octopus-head did," Spirit answered with a smirk. "He said you'd want it."

Maka rolled her eyes, "Could you be more mature?"

"I call it like I see it," he shrugged at her exasperation before pushing the mug across the surface between them. "You think after high school he'd have gotten a haircut but, nope, constantly a mop-head."

"And your creative word-choices never cease," Maka sighed as she mimicked her father, leaning on the other end of the granite as she took the cup to stare at the liquid. "What's next, white-head? Though that seems a little obvious, lame, below you."

"I was going to try mutt-head, possibly hammerhead shark, since, you know, the teeth." Spirit seemed to take a moment to search the ceiling before his eyes came back to his daughter. "So, spill, you OK?"

"No," Maka muttered at her coffee before blowing away a hint of steam. "Did he…?"

"Well, first that asshole leaves Stein to call me," the blustering words from Spirit's lips instantly eased the pressure from her, knowing he was ready to steal the show for the words that she couldn't produce. "And you know Stein, says two words and expects that those dry details are enough. Then, they wouldn't let me on the scene even though I flashed my badge-"

"Papa, you're _retired_ ," Maka sighed.

"Like they _check_ ," Spirit muttered back. "But you were already at the hospital, anyway, and by then mop-head actually picked up the phone and was at least slightly more descriptive than Stein, though, really, he wasn't exactly a chatterbox since he was too busy sniveling like a little bitch."

"Crying?" Maka popped her eyes up from the liquid, eyebrows climbing on her forehead.

"Yeah," and while Spirit still held that primping sarcasm in his voice, his eyes softened at her, "Octopus-head saw the girl he loves almost die or worse - you kinda know how that feels, don't you, kiddo?"

Maka bit into her lip in reply.

Spirit inched a hand across the table, touching one of hers as it hugged the cup tightly. "So, how bad are you hurt?"

"Do you want the physical or mental list?" Maka asked as she sighed wistfully.

"Well, you're walking, so physical's gotta be small change," Spirit chased her sigh with another squeeze of her hand and Maka detached from the cup, tangling in her father's fingers. "Mental's big, though, huh?"

"Yeah," she squeezed from her throat before she abandoned the cup entirely, letting her other hand cover her eyes.

Spirit lost his lean, standing upright to wrap his arms around his daughter as she trembled through the start of a sob. "I'm sorry you were so scared," he murmured as his hand ran down those golden locks. "But I'm so proud of you, honey. You survived, you kicked ass and survived, and that's amazing."

"Doesn't feel like that," Maka muttered back, before sinking her face into his shirt.

"'Course it doesn't, Maka. Still too early, too fresh, but between me and white-head, we'll hold you up until you can manage."

Maka loosed a weak laugh, "Seriously, Papa, don't use that one - it's gross."

"It's growing on me." Spirit continued to run his hand over her hair, his other than sweeping softly up and down her back. "Unlike the boy himself," he punctuated that lie with a sigh. "What an asshole, making me wait, and then as soon as I get here he up and leaves like he has better things to do than wait on you hand and foot."

"Papa," Maka chided.

"Unless he's going out to buy a ring," Spirit started to chatter, "as if I'd give my permission for that sort of thing, especially not to some floppy-headed punk."

"Papa," Maka continued weakly, the burn in her cheeks leeching away some of her concentration.

"Don't _papa_ me," Spirit muttered. "At this point, he's seriously dropped the ball - not that I expected much more from him and not that he should even be allowed to _look_ at my daughter - but, seriously, if he hasn't come begging to you on bended knee-"

"It's-" Maka only managed the sound but an interruption of something other than ' _papa'_ had Spirit all ears, pausing to hear the minute whisper come from his daughter's lips. "It was my fault, Papa."

"Well," Spirit sighed. "Sorry to say, Maka, but you can be pretty dense about things that don't come in a textbook." He laughed as she gave a little punch to his gut, her knuckles adding an extra twist in his side. "You know, even someone sitting on the sidelines could tell with that idiot. For a guy who has a whopping total of two facial expressions he sure can give a lot away."

"It was complicated," Maka muttered.

"Yeah, since the moment you met," Spirit returned with just as much sass. "Just thought you'd both grow out of it a hell of a lot sooner. You know, there's this look that a man gives a woman-"

"Papa," Maka went back to the old repeat, this time with a little more disgust.

"When he _knows_ -"

"No, thank you, Papa," Maka was starting to hiss as she pulled away but Spirit caught her by the shoulders, her jade eyes popping up to the mirror that were his own.

"I hope this knocked enough sense into you both," he murmured in a strange kind of desperate whisper that made Maka's heart clang in her chest. She blinked up at him, watching his eyebrows furrow and then relax as an easy grin coming to his face. "But I'm still too young to be a grandfather, so use protection."


	22. Got Your Heart

Soul paused in the doorway, watching a different blond just for a short moment. He tossed a half-assed knock against the frame and when the dark blue eyes shot up to the sound they narrowed before falling back to the paperwork on her desk in a huff. Like with most of the women in his life, Soul brought an offering, knowing Liz leaned more towards her sweet tooth than the caffeine addiction of the other blond in his life. He slid the golden wrapped box of chocolates into her paperwork as he sat down, tapping the door shut behind him.

"Three boxes would have been the bare minimum," Liz muttered through her teeth as she poked the box with her pen.

"Would have?" Soul attempted a grin hoping that it would catch to Liz's sour face.

"Normally, but after having to be interviewed by Harvar on _three_ separate occasions over literally a day, I now require a larger offering."

"I.O.U.," Soul chuckled. "Sorry for makin' you lie for me."

"I did _not_ lie," Liz intoned roughly as she flopped back in her chair, ripping the box off her desk and tipping off the top to eye the delectable bites. "My answer was that the caller did not identify themselves because _technically_ that person was smart enough not to answer any of my questions even though at the _time_ they pissed me off royally."

" _That person_ was a little busy," Soul sighed.

"No, _that person_ just likes to do his own thing without asking for help even if it does land him in hot water." Liz tossed a bon-bon in her mouth, disregarding social niceties as she continued. "At least this time _that person's_ guts are actually still intact."

"Yeah, unlike Maka's," he grumbled back as he slumped in the chair.

"Which _that person_ \- oh, I seriously give up - which _you_ are going to get over, Soul Evans," Liz ordered as she brandished another candy in his direction. "You're going to go back to Mira, have your little chats, and then filter the _good_ , _healthy_ results back to Maka or so help me-"

Soul cut off the rest of the threat with a huff, "Gotta go back to Mira anyway. Isn't that part of the process after you kill somebody on the job?"

Liz let the box drop into her lap. "Harvar didn't tell you."

"Tell me what," barely slid through Soul's teeth but he didn't need the reply to know the answer spelled out clearly on the billboard that was Liz's face.

"Not dead," Liz murmured.

Soul's fingers squeezed into tight fists, crescents marring the flesh of his palms. "'Course that fucking bastard wouldn't die."

"No, but," Liz took a pause to lean forward, trying to force those red eyes on hers. "Soul, we're lucky. We live in a state that takes kidnapping _very_ seriously."

"Kidnapping?" snapped viciously from his mouth. "That _monster_ cut her up, carved up her chest, her stomach, and then he tried to-" The word still couldn't get anywhere near his tongue, even though in his line of work it was almost a weekly occurrence. At first he'd thought it was some sick twist of ownership, the idea that a man other than him would touch her, but now he felt it, the oily misery of knowing she was going to carry just as many scars on her as etched his skin, just hers weren't going to be one you could set your eyes on.

"You know that's being taken into account," Liz murmured. "The courts'll handle it. Star's already on the case, been hounding around for every possible thing to slap him with, Soul. Not to mention Stein's already moved forward with the Arachne case. Has her in holding as we speak."

"That's not enough and you know it," he muttered back.

Liz shook her head softly, "It has to be, Soul. Just like you giving fair warning before shooting had to happen. You made the right choice."

"Bullshit," his voice turned into a grumble full of gravel. "I should have shot him and then smashed that bastard's face in."

"While Maka cried and bled out in the driveway?" Liz shot back with such a cold succinctness that the icy exhaust forced a chill down Soul's spine.

Soul tossed his eyes away helplessly, trying to find the answer in the pattern of the wall to his right.

"You picked the right priority," Liz pressed each word forcefully into the space between them. "You love her after all, right?"

His eyes closed as he tried to pull in a steadying breath. "Yeah, Liz, I love her." He heard the crinkle of another wrapper, opening his eyes to see Liz popping a candy between two lips that curled into a pleased smirk. "What's with the look?"

"I just _love_ being right," Liz cooed with a shimmy of her shoulders. "Now, seriously, I _have_ to know, you totally didn't say you _didn't_ love her, right? You weren't ever _that_ stupid?"

"Ah, for fuck's sake," Soul grumbled. "She _told_ you?"

"Tearfully, about how you specifically said-"

"She was wrong," he cut in, shaking his head sharply. "I was talking about my mom."

That smirk only grew, "I _knew_ it."

"Get off your high horse." Soul ran a hand through his hair, letting another dejected breath hit his lips. "Listen, I'll tell Maka."

"Wait, what?" Liz snapped. "You mean you didn't tell her you love her? Seriously?"

"Not that," he frowned. "The Giriko thing."

"Oh," Liz let the smile fade. "Yeah, I guess. I don't really have control over it, but… I assume Star's going to have a little tact and let her rest today so…"

Soul was already shaking his head. "Star, tact - that's funny."

Liz popped another chocolate in her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. "Well, we can only hope."

He stood slowly with a creaking sigh before sliding his feet across the floor. Soul stopped at the door, letting his eyes barely linger over his shoulder. "I told her, Liz. That's what started it all, her running off when I told her."

Any remanence of a smile was gone from Liz's lips, instead a wobbling thin line working in its place. "So you're miserable. It's all your fault."

There was a hollow thunk as Soul let his head crack against the door. "That obvious, huh?"

"I repeat: You're going to go back to Mira, have your little chats, and then filter the good, healthy results back to Maka." Soul felt the pop of a wasted candy hit his back, a travesty that Liz would waste such a sweet. "That's what therapy is, Soul, a space to reframe your brain and keep you from bringing that poison home."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Liz urged back. "How else do you think Patty and I got through all that shit from when we were kids? It's impossible to figure out this world when nobody taught you how to love right, how to deal with any of those horrible emotions that hit you harder than any bullet. And I think you'll agree with me that Maka's worth it."

That could at least bring a modicum of a smile to his face. "Yeah, definitely."

* * *

The TV was absently blaring, Maka comfortably resting her head on her father's shoulder. The doorbell rang and in some haze of automaticity, Maka hopped to her feet and started to scurry to the door. It wasn't until her hand hit the knob that the thought snapped back into her mind: _but who's there?_ Her finger trembled against the brass. "Who's there?" she tried to hide the squeal of her voice.

"It's me, _duh_ ," Star's rough complaint smashed through the door. "Now can you hurry up? I've got shit to put down."

With a shaky sigh of relief, Maka opened the door, a strange wave of satisfaction hitting her as Star muscled past her and into the hallway. He didn't even offer a glance, just barreling straight to the kitchen with Maka close on his heels. "What did you bring?"

"Food and shit," Star muttered as he dropped the bags unceremoniously on the counter. Before Maka could even peer in the wrapping, her lips were meeting shirt as Star threw his arms around her and smashed her to his chest. "I'm glad you're OK."

"Thanks," Maka murmured as she tried to recover, to find the right place to put her arms around him in return. Instead, the embrace only lasted for another second, Star throwing his arms off of her just as quickly as it had started. "You… didn't have to come."

"Yeah, I did." The lack of heartfelt warmth, the fact that Star looked nothing more than exasperated with her left Maka smiling. "Stein let me take your disaster of a case - which we both know should have gone to me in the first place - so now you can just sit back, kick up your feet, because Star's gonna fuckin' kill it."

Maka rolled her eyes before a genuine laugh hit her lips. "Sure, Star, wouldn't expect any less."

Star had one hand jammed in the bag to rummage while the other came to waggle in her face. "And don't worry - that asshole's going away forever. Hell, I might even be able to promise a needle in his arm with all the charges I've been able to stack on that fucker."

Her hand jutted forward, grabbing his. "What asshole?"

"Oh," Star let the vowel plunk from his lips, eyes wide as Maka increased the flex on his fingers.

"What asshole, Star?" she repeated, hearing the footfalls from the hallway start to clatter towards them.

"What's going on?" Spirit was edging into the kitchen, eyebrows wrinkled in concern.

"Uh," Star started, "I kinda thought Soul would have found out by now, told you."

Something between a growl and a groan was bubbling in her throat.

"Hey, Maka, honey-" Spirit was reaching for her but Maka dropped her shoulder, breaking the connection between her hand and Star in the process. She was just stomping to the hallway when the front door opened, Soul's weary head popping in.

A grimace instantly sparked on his lips and it was a race between the two of them, Maka trying for the bedrooms as Soul slammed shut the front door. He caught her just before the junction, his hand getting a good grip on her bicep as he yanked her back to him, forcing Maka into his chest. "Let it out."

As requested, a feral cry jumped from her lips into his shirt, her fists bunching the fabric as she squeezed the threads with all her might.

Soul tightly wound his arms around her until it all pressed out, Maka sucking in air to feed only a shaking breath after. "Wanna do another one for me?"

Maka acquiesced, letting it rumble in her chest all the way to her shoulders.

"Sounds better when you do 'em," he sighed. "I just end up sounding like a gorilla or somethin'."

A wet laugh escaped her lips.

He sighed harshly, blowing the breath over her hair. "Can a good cop - a good guy - still want to go out and shoot him again?"

"Want to and doing are two different things," Maka murmured.

"Tempted to find where that line is," Soul mumbled back before scrapping the rest of that horrible thought to focus on the way his lips felt on her forehead, just as the edge of her hairline. The way a few stray hairs tickled his nose and the sweet smell of her shampoo almost made him forget the moment, some of the tension drifting from his chest.

"You know we're still here, right?" Star piped from the end of the hallway, earning him a slap to the back of the head from Spirit. "What - like you want to watch them get all grossly fluffy?"

"Nah, the mop-head doesn't deserve a second of that."

Soul tried to find some humor in it but the resonance in his heart left him with a sting.

"Yeah, did that idiot tell you what he did?" Star offered back, bringing Spirit's eyes intently back to him. "Took her on a date - some _stupid_ , _lame_ art thing with flowers and shit - and then _takes a fucking call-_ "

"Hey," Soul barked.

"Sounds just like him," Spirit shook a heavy head. "It's like he wants to keep me from the joys of being a grandparent."

"Hey," came in a higher octave, Soul's ears starting to tinge red.

"From the man who was just berating me about _not_ wanting to become a grandparent," Maka hissed as she untucked her face from Soul's chest to rest her chin on his shoulder. She had to force herself on tippy-toes to do this and Soul had to slip his arms to her waist to keep her steady.

All of him was humming, a strange new nervousness fluttering in his chest. "Hey," he tried one more time, his voice still quaking. "Will you two assholes give us one more minute?"

Star sucked his teeth before disappearing back into the kitchen with Spirit close behind.

"Maka," he whispered towards her ear as soon as he was sure the footsteps had receded. "You OK?"

"No," she murmured.

"What can I do?"

"What you did," Maka answered back quickly before she eased back down on flat feet, her face moving to peek up at his. "What you're doing."

He heaved a breath, hands slowly inching up towards her face before slipping over to cup her cheeks. It was another achingly slow bend before he let their lips meet as he tried to break through the barrier of loving her first instead of just being an echo of her want. "I'm gonna protect you. The right way. So I got your heart. Everything else you can handle, yeah?"

She nodded, her nose nuzzling into his before bringing their lips back together. _You've got my heart._


	23. Healing

"You look tired," Mira offered somewhat gently as she ushered him into the office.

"Sleep's kinda been…" Soul shrugged his shoulders as the finish before collapsing onto the couch.

"Any particular reason?"

"Where the fuck do I start," he murmured.

"Last I checked you were supposed to have a conversation with Maka…"

"Sure, did that," Soul sighed. "Then she got kidnapped by an insane asshole who tortured and almost…" Again, the word refused to be produced.

Mira blinked through processing the sentence. "You're serious."

"Wish it was a bad joke," he stopped to let a breath tremble over his lips.

"Is she alright?"

"What's _alright_?" Soul scoffed. "She's got cuts all over her, her knees are scraped to shit because she had to fight her way out from underneath a maniac. She almost froze to death-" He desperately pulled in air. "And I fucking _waited_ to shoot him."

"You were there?" Mira balked.

"I was first on the scene," Soul punctuated that with a challenging look.

Mira opened her mouth but shut it again quickly, rethinking the question she had put together. "Tortured and almost killed her - was that what you were going to say?"

"Sure he was gonna," Soul brought his voice low and lost the accusation in his eyes. "But he… he stripped her," squeezed from his throat.

She let her fingers press to her lips momentarily before sighing. "Soul, how do you feel about that?"

"It doesn't matter how the fuck I feel about it," he snapped back.

"But I'm asking you," Mira offered back shortly.

"I don't matter," he spat as his hands clutched into the top of his knees. " _Nothing_ fucking happened to me. It happened to her. What I feel, what I think, doesn't mean _shit_ because it's what she-"

"Breath, Soul," Mira reminded.

He barely followed through on the request, the air just seething through his teeth. "I don't matter," he repeated.

"But your feelings do," Mira replied gently. "Especially since she will need you to understand, accept, and know your own before you try to deal with hers."

His head sunk into his hands with another shaky breath. "It sounds shitty…"

"You're allowed to sound shitty. We'll figure it out after you say it."

"I'm the only person to ever touch her like that," he murmured miserably, feeling the oily possessiveness of it. "I… she's only ever been with me. I've always wanted it that way, been jealous if anyone else came around her but… this isn't like that. It's not some guy that hit on her at a bar, it's… different but… Maka… sex for her's always been maybe not a moment of weakness but when she's vulnerable. That's always when I've felt like we were the closest and now… I'm scared she's gonna guard that, too."

"You want her to be vulnerable with you?"

"Of course I do," he sighed. "I want… all of it, every part, and that was one of the ways I knew she trusted me even though that girl's trust is a hard thing to win."

"Why would what happened make her lose her trust in you?"

"I…" the rest of the words choked in his throat. Soul had to pause, had to tug at the roots of his hair until the sweet pain added some kind of clarity. "I failed her. 'Course you're gonna lose trust in the fucking person who failed you."

"How did you fail?"

"Let me count the fucking ways," he muttered miserably. "I let her go in the first place - I _knew_ that asshole was nosing around but I let her leave on her own because I couldn't tell her I loved her the right fucking way. I had to do it screaming," he launched each word bitterly at the floor, letting a rough, painful laugh escape his throat. "She said it was the only thing she wanted to hear but how I did it…" A second laugh started but it turned into an agonizing groan as liquid started to dot the tops of his knees. "I yelled it at her, I _made_ her leave. I gave that asshole all he needed to take her and… then I couldn't even save her from it."

Mira collected a tissue from the side table and leaned to wave it under his nose. "Soul, there's no right way."

"Bullshit," he spat back as he grabbed the tissue. "The way we rehearsed it-"

"It's not a _play_ , Soul," Mira sighed. "There were no set lines besides the ones you wanted, needed to say. I assume that what you did say was both what you wanted and needed and what Maka did in reply was _Maka's_ choice. Her reaction was solely her own, it was not something you could have controlled or changed. Just like you couldn't control or change what that man did to her. You are not just some line of dominoes, what you do is what you control and beyond that… everyone plays their own part." Mira paused, listening to the wet hitch of his breath, his head still shaking slowly against his hand. "Did she say you failed her?"

"'Course not." Soul wiped his face roughly before he brought his burning eyes back to hers. "She said I couldn't be sorry for anything. Just pissed at her. As if I could be pissed at her."

The turn of a smile hit Mira's lips. "She asked you to be angry?"

"Yeah, _at her_ ," Soul scoffed. "Like I said, stupid. Not like I could be."

"But that definitely means she doesn't see anything wrong with what you did," Mira clarified.

"Means she's just-" He cut off with a frustrated sigh.

"Did she say she made a mistake?"

Soul's eyes glowered to the side, his lips twisting slightly. "She misheard somethin'."

"So she misconstrued something you said before?"

"Not about her," he added even quieter.

Mira nodded knowingly. "Be honest, Soul. I think that's my best suggestion for now. Except, be gentle as well. Maka's healing, but it's important to acknowledge that so are you. You should be just as gentle with yourself as you are with her."

* * *

Maka watched his fingers work the buttons of her nightshirt before letting them drift to his eyes. The expectation should have been a smoldering need, but really, Soul was only blinking out one message, a simple song of heartbreak. In a way, she wanted to stop him by clenching those fingers tightly in hers but the futility of it was firmly set in his jaw.

Concentration was furrowing his brow as he abandoned her shirt and twisted off the cap of the antibiotic cream. He plopped a dot on his finger and began tracing lines over the still angry marks on her chest. He was counting, something obvious from the bitter little jumps of his eyebrows with each touch. "Soul?"

He grunted something of an acknowledgment.

Maka had practiced the sentence a few times while he had been gone but it still felt stiff on her tongue. "How was it with the doctor today?"

Soul squeezed another goop of gel on his finger as he worked the reply between his teeth. "Hard."

"Do you feel better though?" Maka watched the new wounds he was tracing, concentrating on the gentle tremble of his finger.

"Depends on what your definition of better is," he muttered. Maka sighed and Soul easily echoed it. "Listen," his voice was still low, half-lost in the work he was trying to complete, "and I don't want you to tell me ' _no_ ' or ' _Soul_ ' or anything just - I failed you."

Maka bit into her lip to follow his request.

"I failed you and now… now you're not gonna trust me, or you _shouldn't_."

"Trust you with what?" Maka hurried off her tongue until his eyes flicked back to hers. "I'm sorry - finish, and then-"

"Trust me with this," he tapped her sternum as he interrupted. "I know I said it and you didn't correct me, but… Maka, after everything, how can you even let me?"

A little bit of that pout came back to her lips as she paused to let thoughts run through her mind and wait for any last dregs from his. In the silence, Soul went back to his work, but Maka gently rested a hand on the motion, keeping his mind from being anywhere but the next question. "Why do you think I trust you?"

"I think you shouldn't," the answer was a rough scrape from his throat.

"That's not what I asked."

Soul worked his jaw for a moment. "You askin' what I do that makes you trust me or you askin' what you do that makes me think you have trust in me?"

A wrinkle appeared on her forehead before she loosed, "Both."

He withered helplessly, tucking his head under her arm as he planted his face into the comforter.

"You're going to hide instead of answering?" she let playfulness leach into her voice.

He grunted.

 _Maximum capacity for bravery reached,_ Maka toned in her head, bringing a little more strength to her smile. _It's funny how he can run out there with a gun, take down any bad guy out there without a second thought for himself, but here he's frozen in fear._ She pulled up slightly, giving her elbow the room to bend and smooth delicate fingers through his hair. "I told you I wanted that moment to be with you."

All she heard in reply was something like a shaky breath swallowed by the blankets.

"I placed that trust in you," she murmured, "and you never abused it. You were right - we didn't have sex when _we_ wanted to, only when I did, and part of me always thought that was because it wasn't something you wanted."

"Not true," he muttered.

"Like I said, part of me," she let loose a shaky laugh. "The other part knew the truth - you were careful with me. Always so careful with _that_ part of me because it's the part that I'm scared of, that makes me weak. You were rough, playful, just _you_ with every other part but those moments, when I was raw, scared, hurting and I reached for you, you were always there to handle with care, to protect that part of me. That's why I trust you."

He huffed another trembling breath out.

"If you had done something in those moments, maybe I wouldn't trust you," Maka continued easily. "But that wasn't what happened the other night. It wasn't that at all. Honestly, the reason I got through, why I was able to be strong enough to fight back, was using the memory of us, our strength, to keep me steady." She ran her fingers through his hair one more time before he lifted it, allowing for her fingers to drift down his cheek. "The millions of little moments between the two of us - that saved me just as much as you with a gun. You didn't fail, Soul. You were always there."

His throat bobbed through a swallow, lips useless.

Maka sighed sweetly before tapping his chin. "Give me a kiss and then finish your job. I'm tired and I think I need you to hold me extra tight tonight. I think that's what I'm missing. Us sharing a bed's fine, but… I thought I taught you that first night how you should be holding me while we sleep."

"Pretty demanding," he murmured back weakly but he pulled up on his elbows to give in to her first order. He tried to press all those lost words on his tongue to hers, let her taste all the things he couldn't say, since apparently his actions always spoke louder than his words.


	24. Your Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally, I had scrapped the idea of sharing Soul's list with you - it was supposed to be a bit of mystery that you just made up in your own head - but here you have it for some added sweetness. Also, I have inserted a dig at myself in this chapter - have fun laughing at it.

It was an odd bit of deja vu: Marie sat across from him with that sour but all-knowing face. Just how many times he'd seen some version of those tight lips and wrinkled forehead were beyond count at this point but for some reason while it still broke a sweat out on his neck, there was also a hint of warmth that started in his chest. _At least Marie's predictable._

"I finished the paperwork for the transfer."

Those words still left a twinge - alright, not a twinge, a full-blown wash of panic down his spine, that animal part of his brain trying to kick in fight-or-flight. It was a panicked scream of _leaving, leaving, leaving_ that threatened to swallow him whole. He just kept seeing Maka's head pressed against her knees, the painful nod to acknowledge the truth - they had to change. "How… how far?"

Marie's smile softened, "It's not like I'm sending you to the North Pole."

He grimaced in reply.

"You'll be twenty minutes north," Marie chimed as she rolled her eyes. "That's with good traffic. So your commute might become a pain in the ass, but… Soul, this is what you need."

"Hope so," he muttered.

"More responsibility-"

He huffed.

"More authority-"

A deeper turn came to his grimace.

"But also, more flexibility. You can have real hours, human hours, _time._ "

Soul let a laugh with a bitter shade to it grace his lips, "Tell that to the other workaholic."

"Maka will follow suit," Marie shrugged. "Especially if you give her reason to."

He narrowed his eyes in reply.

"Why be at home when no one is there?" Marie gently tilted her head, resting her cheek against her palm. "And it wouldn't hurt if you _asked_ her to."

His eyebrows continued to wrinkle. "To what?"

"Make time," Marie urged. "You know that was your problem before, right? Neither of you talked or asked about what the other wanted. You said you're changing things so…"

If Maka was there she would have translated the look - once again Soul had reached his maximum tolerance of daring for the day by letting the idea just wash over him for a second: _What I want - what kind of future I want._ His mind wandered to the crumpled piece of paper in his bedside table.

* * *

Maka had showered but honestly could not find an ounce of motivation to stretch her activities beyond propping a book up on his pillow and reading at half-speed. It was a lazy book anyway, a re-read that she always turned to for soul sustenance - _Pride and Prejudice_ filling all those needs regardless of the way it made her feel like some basic English major. Honestly, the day had been spent flipping those pages, basking in not just the sun as it slid through his window - since he had the bedroom on the better side of the apartment - but also the alluring scent of him mixed in the sheets. _My own even more grumbly version of Mr. Darcy. Well, not entirely._

" _I have been walking in the grove some time in the hope of meeting you. Will you do me the honour of reading that letter?"_

The door clicked and Maka pressed her hand into the page. "I'm in here!"

She waited for the clunk of his boots down the hall and couldn't stop the pleased smile at the quick flash of surprise that arched his eyebrows. "Still in bed?"

"It's not a bad thing…"

"Changed clothes," he murmured like it mattered as he hunkered down on the bed next to her to remove his shoes.

"And showered." She leaned on her elbows, her head just touching his arm.

"That was OK?"

"Didn't hurt," Maka shrugged, "but I was going to wait for you for the Neosporin."

Soul managed a chuckle, "You just don't like the way it feels on your fingers."

"I don't," she crooned as she knocked her forehead against his elbow.

"Big baby." He paused from his work, just getting one side unlaced before he turned to sweep a hand over her hair. "Hey."

"Hi," she stared up at him as she enjoyed another caress over the crown of her head. "Are you alright?"

"Thought that's my line."

"You look tight." Maka put on the stiff shoulder act just in time for his to wither with a sigh.

"Marie gave me the transfer today," he forced each word slowly off his tongue.

"Oh." Maka recovered the dip in her eyebrows, pressing the smile across her mouth. "That's what you wanted, right?"

"Yeah," he breathed weakly, his hand clutching into her hair on the next run-through, "but it still hurts you."

Maka nibbled into her lip before she nodded slowly, "Maybe it does, but I think it's for the old reasons. Just… maybe I need to hear it exactly. You becoming Lieutenant…"

"Doesn't mean I don't love you," he picked up shakily. "And doesn't mean I don't want this. Means the opposite. We're… not just some partners on some job anymore. You're… I guess the woman I love sounds fucking cheesy."

"It's a start," Maka laughed. "Try… girlfriend."

"Girlfriend," he nodded before making the awkward strain to manage a sideways kiss across her lips. "Better?"

"I think so."

He still let out another steady sigh, "Maka, what do you want?"

"Me?" She tilted her head away so she could catch his eyes, seeing that hard, fiery concentration on his face that amplified the question. "With work?"

"With everything," he murmured back, making the question a million times worse.

Maka would need days, weeks, months, years to compile a list of _everything_. "That's not going to be a short list."

He cleared his throat, taking her hand in his. "Then… with us."

"Oh," that warbled off her tongue. "I, um…" Staring up at him, seeing the way his eyes were desperately marking each muscle movement made the words fuzz on her tongue. "Honestly?"

"Honestly," he croaked.

"Soul, I…" She blinked up at him, a wide smile suddenly breaking her lips. "I haven't had a second to actually even _think_ about it. I just always assumed… that I wouldn't get this chance. Sounds pathetic, right? Late twenties and I was ready just to be the girl you let sleep with you for the rest of my life. Oh, that does sound really pathetic," she groaned as she rolled onto her side to her back so she could use her hands to hide her face.

"Maka," he chided.

"No, seriously!" She kept her hands over her eyes but let her mouth peek out so the words came out embarrassingly clear. "I just assumed we'd do this until - _I don't know_ \- _you_ found somebody."

A tight huff of air escaped his throat, prompting Maka to slowly slip the hand from her eyes to see his intense concentration hitting the nightstand drawer. He reached over, slid it open, and took out a crumpled piece of paper that he smoothed. It wasn't entirely repairable and Maka could see the stains obscuring some of the page and to make matters worse, Soul started to tear right down the center.

"What are you doing?" She reached her hand out like she needed to stop it but he shook his head.

One side went back to a ball, violently scrunched between the fingers of his left hand while the other strip dangled in front of her nose. "Read it," he muttered.

"What is it?"

His eyes focused over to the closed fist as he heaved a sigh. "The list I made about why I should tell you how I was feelin'."

"So… before the date?"

His fist squeezed again. "Before, when I started with the doctor."

Suddenly the stains didn't matter or the crumbled edges because Maka wanted it framed, stuck as a reminder next to his bed because as her eyes just fell on the page she saw the wall-to-wall scrawl. Sure, there were plenty of scratched-out masses of black but overall this was filled with reasons why they _should_ be together, and even though he'd said the words the meaning, the heaviness of them was settling in her with each frantic scribble.

 _I'll stop worrying about when I get to hold her hand - I could just fucking hold her hand whenever I wanted to - no more stupid excuse to touch her because her hair's in her face or she's got a smudge that isn't actually there - kissing her! - kissing her_ _ **first**_ _instead of waiting for her to get close or spell it out - being on the couch - whispering in her ear - the way her hair smells if I could actually fucking just enjoy it - feeling her heart beat - listening to it -_ _listening to her say it back_ _\- reaching for her when we're sleeping - having her kiss me when I wake up, first thing - her laugh on my neck - fuck, is this really a list anymore? - fucking_ _ **suck**_ _at lists - I just want her - friday/saturday as date night, not just default - I'd even fucking kiss her in front of everybody - if she says yes - if she says fucking yes -_

There was a heavy, lopsided scratched bit next: _Maybe then she'll know why I can't live without her._

A trembling swirl of scratches, even a rip through the paper almost drew a divide. _If I tell her, if she loves me - it's fucking forever - we've already done ten years - more than most couples our age and I know we didn't do it_ _ **right**_ _but damn it - sometimes -_

There were a few test marks of ink, hesitation hash-marked on the line.

_Someday: marriage - if she wants to - kids - if she wants to - fuck, I'm never gonna have the guts to show her this so - Someday: marriage. - Someday: kids. - is it too much to fucking ask that they look like her - Someday if I get off my lazy, dumb ass. Someday if she can stomach seeing all of me._

Maka let the paper down on the bedspread with the reverence it deserved before sitting up and sliding in behind him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Her cheek met his, her one hand straining to cover the tight fist in his left. "What's this one?"

"Why I shouldn't," his voice was barely scratching above a whisper.

"You can throw that one away," she murmured back softly before nuzzling a kiss against his cheek. "But the other one… those are all things you want?"

"Guess I kinda made the list wrong," he muttered.

"I like it better that way." With a trembling breath, his shoulders seemed to relax under her and Maka leaned, letting him take her weight as her fingers rubbed along his chest. "There's only one thing I don't like on it."

"What?"

"I don't _stomach_ seeing you." She paused to let her lips brush his cheek again. "I love seeing every part of you."

"Maka," he croaked.

"And don't argue or tell me I'm full of it," she tightened her hold on him to punctuate her point. "There's parts of me I don't like and you've stared down every last one: why wouldn't it make sense that I could do the same?"

He sighed protractedly, shoulders slumping slightly but his hand coming up to caress her forearm.

"Soul," even with the softness in her voice this came as an order and he finally turned as she loosened to sit back on her haunches. Facing her felt like staring down the sun but it had to be done. "I didn't fall in love with just some perfect picture of you - you never even had the chance to put that up, remember? When we met, you were angry, hurt - all you liked to do was frustrate people or let them believe you weren't interested in them. Apathetic. Couldn't get two words out of you unless they were to tease or sarcasm."

A wave of shame came over him but it was short-lived as she grabbed his cheeks.

"But that was the same boy who _begrudgingly_ let me listen to his beautiful, sad music. The one who used to conveniently only need homework help when my parents were having a particularly argumentative week. Who got really good at answering _my_ phone and telling Papa to go screw himself," Maka added a laugh. "And I know you've always been _the cool guy_ , but Soul, it was easy to figure you out, at least for me, and each discovery, whether it was a piece of your hurt or something new and glowing about you just made it easier for me to want to stay with you."

Whether she had more to say or not, she was suddenly silenced by him pulling her tightly forward, their noses clashing for a moment before he smoothed out the kiss, spelling out his reply with the tight grasp of her shoulders and the firm motions of his tongue. Soul was hesitant to release, only letting her go when her two hands patted at his chest.

"So everything on that list," she murmured with a sweet sigh. "You can have that, Soul. Just maybe…" she broke for a gentle laugh as her nose nuzzled to his, "... they can look like me but I want them to have your smile."


	25. Sweet Everythings

Beers weren't out of the ordinary if Soul was with Black Star but when you added in half of the upper echelon of his precinct and Maka's office it made the night one for the record books. It was the gaggle of girls that Soul worked with since he had somehow years ago been guilted into making that introduction that then Maka made stick. Marie also couldn't help herself, or, really, Soul was entirely sure that Marie was the one who'd made the suggestion - an impromptu celebration of Soul's moving up in the world. Realistically, if they'd planned something, Soul would have avoided it like the plague but Maka batting her eyes about a drink had started the ball rolling, and now here they all were.

This also included Stein and Star who was severely put out by his lack of spotlight and was currently piping up over the bar commotion. Soul was sandwiched in the most uncomfortable spot, Maka at his one arm while Spirit sat at the other. This was not an entirely new phenomenon - Soul was the gatekeeper a multitude of times between the two - but Soul had certainly felt an uptick in the animosity, mostly the glares, with the increase in Spirit's third-wheeling. It only sky-rocketed as he felt the sweet shoulder slip away from him, Maka getting up to float off to Marie, leaving the cold one to somehow paint an even larger shadow without Maka's sun to combat it.

"Listen," Spirit intoned.

Soul just swallowed whatever sound he unconsciously always produced when he heard that start of a Spirit diatribe and slowly turned hopefully apathetically glowing red eyes the other man's direction.

"You did good."

Soul's eyebrows unfurled up his forehead.

"You got her back in one piece," Spirit sighed, "or mostly one piece and… don't take this as me giving my blessing or anything, because I sure as hell don't know what she sees in _you_ , but… I'm glad you two finally figured this out."

"Finally," Soul replied with a rueful laugh.

"Don't do that," Spirit's soft gaze soured. "I know the divorce didn't put her in a good place and hell, she's given me one or two hints that your life hasn't been easy so, honestly, kid, the fact that you both hung on to each other as long as you did, until both of you could figure yourselves out - that means something."

"Nice of you to think I've got me figured out," Soul grumbled.

"Well, figured out _enough_ , let's say." Spirit clapped him on the back once, jutting Soul's beer bottle against the bar. "Lemme buy you another one."

"No thanks." Soul scratched a nail to the label, taking another small, nursing sip. "I always stick to one."

Spirit gave him a sullen smile, his lips parting for another word before Star's scattered over top of them. "To the man of the hour!" Star grabbed Soul by the shoulders, turning him on the barstool to the small crowd, the circle of faces he knew all too well.

"You say that like you can give up the spotlight for a second," Soul smirked up at Star just in time to get jostled by the shoulders again.

"Well, if you were actually more interesting," Star huffed.

"Star," Maka rolled her eyes. "Can you please use your boisterousness for good for once?"

"That's what I was _trying to do_ ," Star spat back before he gave Soul another shake. "Everybody listen up! Raise your damn glasses to this idiot over here - our new favorite Lieutenant. While he'll be completely lost without me trying his cases, I know he'll make do with whatever useless attorneys they got up north."

"I heard more compliments about you than him in that sentence," Maka grumbled.

"OK, OK," Star rolled his eyes at her. "Soul finally got his shit together, so let's drink!"

Soul broke off into chuckles, drowning out the continued hissing from Maka's mouth to Star's ears. Once she started to get a little red around the neck, Soul wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her out of the fray and back towards him. With a spark of joy, he saw that red fading to pink, her cheeks lighting up as he secured her to his side. "Alright, down, girl," he added with a lopsided smirk, knowing all too well what he was getting into.

Maka scoffed at him, "Soul Evans, I am _not_ a dog!"

"I don't know," he leaned in closer to her ear, "you've been biting at plenty of heels for me lately."

A stubborn pout came to her lips, "Says the most overprotective man I know."

"You forget about Spirit?" Soul sent a quick glance back to the man in question, seeing that fight of chagrin and a splash of happiness happening on his face.

"OK, _second-most_ overprotective-"

"You're worth protecting," he shot back with a slight raise of his eyebrows, his face sinking closer to hers. " _We're_ worth protecting." That list was still etched in his heart, tiny checks made with each passing day and here he added another, letting a soft peck touch her lips for all of the world to see. A few wolf-whistles exploded, along with the color again on Maka's cheeks and he savored the entirety of it.

* * *

Soul's entire plan was to forcefully refuse to hover. It wasn't exactly working.

"Soul, you've been standing in the doorway for five minutes," Maka chimed from the bed, her chin resting pleasantly on her hands as she poured over the last of her comfort reads.

"I did other things," he grumbled, and when she turned her head to catch his brow wrinkling in a lie Soul quickly snapped his chin towards the hallway.

"If by other things you mean crossed and uncrossed your arms a few dozen times…"

"OK," he huffed. "Is there… look, is there anything you need done? Monday is-"

"I'm going back to work, it's not like I'm getting brain surgery," Maka tried to negate the worry with a shrug but she watched it flare up his face in a grimace.

"You only took two weeks off," he muttered.

"Only," Maka sighed. "And I read four books, watched two series-"

"But," he cut her off as he flopped next to her on the bed so he could be close enough to reach, to bring those hands into her delicate hair and try to keep a hold of her. "Do you feel OK?"

Maka let out a slow breath as she put on a weak smile. "I feel what I feel. You took more time off than I did just because the doctor made you, but if you'd passed the physical clearance in two weeks you would have gone back that early too."

"Doesn't make it right," he spat back.

"So do as I say, not as I do?" Maka offered as she raised her eyebrows.

Soul scowled in silence.

Maka snapped her book shut before rolling out of his grip to rest her neck against the pillow. "You know what I need?"

He took the bait, "What?"

"Date night tonight. You said Fridays or Saturdays and I think Saturday, _tonight_ , should be our first date night. Because we want to, not just default." Maka threw her arms behind her head, pleased with herself as her elbows bobbed against the pillow.

"Where do you want to go?" Soul reined in half a smile.

Maka threw her eyes up to ponder this before looking back at him, "Movies."

"Fine," he nodded.

"I pick."

"Fine."

Maka raised her eyebrows.

"I said fine."

"You caved," Maka shook her head. "Put up a fight, Soul."

He rolled his eyes, "Not that - whatever that redhead's name is - not her new movie."

"But it's supposed to have an interesting side plot about-"

"Nah," Soul groaned.

"Fine, but we're not seeing that one with the preview where three different buildings blow up."

"Then that new horror flick?" He let a little slyness come into his smile, threatening to become a smirk.

"You say that like that's the only three movies available," she grumbled.

"Thought you loved ghosts jumping out and-" he grabbed her leg, and a tiny yelp escaped her throat.

"Soul!" she cried.

"It's a fair deal," his smirk was alive and well. "You get your girls in frilly costumes - it's a Gothic horror or whatever."

Maka raised her eyebrows playfully. "Since when do you know what Gothic horror is?"

"I'm not an uncultured swine," he chuckled. Without really thinking he let his fingertips drift above her knee, threatening the curve of her thigh. "So horror movie it is."

"I guess," she sighed.

He smiled with an ounce of victory before he threatened to get up, but her hand clapped over his, keeping it steady against her leg. "What is it?"

"Um…" Maka let her hand slip up his wrist, gliding along his forearm. "Your hand…"

"Oh," he glanced at the positioning before back at her face. "Yeah, just… sorry."

"Not sorry," she sighed heavily. "Definitely not sorry, Soul, _please_."

"Please what?" he muttered.

"You can touch me, you know?" What she offered was in a strange limbo between pleading and chiding.

He let his other hand clasp to the back of his neck, rubbing it slowly as his eyes trailed over the bedspread. "I just… I don't know what's OK anymore."

"We were having sex _before_ we said we loved each other," Maka tried to be soft with it but there was still an edge of bluntness. "You wouldn't think that after would be different."

"But what happened to you…" Soul offered just above a whisper.

"It bothers me at night, sometimes," she paused to take in a shaky breath, "but so far, that's it. When you touch me I haven't noticed anything different, the way I feel, the way I think but… you've been holding back. Not with kissing, or touching my hair, but… you just haven't been-"

"Yeah," he cut off roughly. "Yeah, I know. Weird, huh? Just… I…" Soul tried to shake the powerlessness out of his head, tossing around the thoughts that had been resounding in his skull since she'd come home from the hospital. "I'm scared. Last thing I want is for you to… think about that while you're with me."

"It could happen," Maka squeezed his hand quickly, trying to mediate the frown that threatened to destroy his lips, "or it could not, but either of those doesn't mean I don't want to be with you again."

"So could make you feel worse," he sighed.

"Or better," Maka shot back. "And we'll work through those feelings together, right? Because you'll protect my heart."

Pink crept up his cheeks as his words were thrown back at him. "Say a thing once…"

"Twice," Maka corrected before reaching out for him, hands knotting into his shirt to pull him closer. "Say it a third time."

Soul sighed as he moved in the direction of her urging, kneeling next to her on the bed as his hands moved to plant above her shoulders. He stared down at her, eyes searching her face. "Fine, Maka, I got your heart, but… don't rush me, OK?"

"What's that supposed to-?" she blinked up at him but before she could get the entire sentence out he was easing on top of her, that vibrant warmth from his chest instantly sinking into her. He caught the sound with a kiss, but not one that was starving, raging, but one so firm and slow that Maka found any follow-up ideas fizzling from her mind. Every last ounce of thought was completely lost as he explored her mouth, his hands taking a tender and exploratory trip from her hair to her neck to every bit of skin he could find.

It was as if Soul was venturing over those places for the first time except the skill still lay at his fingertips, muscle-memory moving to the most sensitive spots that made her arch into him. Even with that hint of newness, Maka could still sink into the comfort of it, especially as his hand dipped under her chin, turning her lips from his so he could breathe hotly against her neck. He trailed kisses along her jaw, nuzzling into her hair so his lips could come right next to her ear as his warmth continued to press into her.

"Tell me you feel alright," he murmured.

"I feel like I should ask you that." Maka was mostly breathless, her hands clutching almost uselessly into his shirt. "This is different." Soul breath hitched and life came back to Maka's fingers, instantly urging soothing back into his skin. "Was I always in such a rush that I didn't notice?"

"Notice what?" he let out as a shaky breath over her neck.

Maka allowed for a soft laugh to twitter up through her lips, "That you know every inch of me."

His fingers moved from her neck to caress through her hair. "Get used to it."

She hummed out a happy affirmative as her fingers sunk under his shirt, pulling up the fabric until he relented and took his face from it's hiding spot to ease back and toss it. "Is it rushing if I tell you to lose the pants, too?"

Soul snorted a laugh and offered his answer in the form of starting the shimmy out of his jeans. "You just gonna watch?"

Maka shook her head slowly as she stood. "I want you to."

"I _am_ ," he chuckled.

"No," Maka giggled back. "I want you to undress me."

His eyebrows jumped against his will, spurring her laughter again. "Yeah?"

"Yup," Maka nodded.

All that surety, that knowledge of her seemed to quiver in the face of something he wasn't allowed to do. Maka usually came to him mostly undressed: if she wasn't, it was her hands that set any of those things in motion, usually even her hands that undressed him one piece at a time because he had never necessarily been sure where a line could be drawn, where she'd want to pull the plug. Instead, power and decision were in his hands and they trembled with it.

He settled first on her sweater. "Sorry if I get ya," he muttered as the cloth barely caught on anything, just her hair swishing out of the wide neck definitely big enough not to snatch a nose or ear.

"These too." Maka eased onto her back, lifting up her hips to give him the room to grab at her leggings. She could still clearly remember the way it felt to have cloth raking against her hips and the breath sat tight in her chest as she waited. It took time, his fingers so gentle and careful as he resituated the cloth and Maka finally dipped her eyes to see the concentration on his face. "I'm OK."

He paused, letting his fingers worry into the fabric before clearing his throat. "Seriously, Maka, are you?"

"Really," she nodded.

His hands made one more revolution with one of the legs before tossing them over the edge. The nod that bobbed his chin was more for his own reassurance than hers before he pulled at the blankets. "Get under."

"Different," Maka chimed again.

"Told you, slow." Soul slid in next to her, arm wrapping around her waist to pull her tightly to his chest. His mouth was almost instantly again in the crux of her neck, littering kisses along the muscle. "And it's cold."

Maka grinned as she settled into him, his leg possessively wrapping around her hip. It was a game of how much space he could remove from between them, wrestling legs and arms until she was wrapped up in him. There wasn't a second of chill between the blankets and the warmth of his skin as he ran his hands slowly over her, building up tingling waves with each sweep. "This is…" she murmured dreamily.

"OK?"

She chuckled, "Better. I always… I thought it was just being with you, the sex part, that made you… I don't know, part of me? Does that make any sense?"

"Sorry to tell you, Maka, this is still kind of technically the sex part," he pressed a kiss to her neck to punctuate.

"It's not," Maka corrected with a sweet sigh. "It's us, together. The sex - I thought that was us being close but this is, isn't it? I just thought being vulnerable, giving that to you was enough, but… this is what I really wanted. This part."

"You can have all of it," he drifted the soft whisper next to her ear. "I've always wanted all of it. You. Your vulnerability, but your strength, your warmth, too," a sigh drifted out after that, sending goosebumps down her back as she pressed into him. "I wish this is what I'd done that first night. Held you. Made you know that even before I got to touch you I knew every last inch of you. You were… _you are_ everything I want, Maka. Everything I love."

Maka eased slightly towards him, just enough so her lips could catch the ones that had sent such sweet nothings - no _everythings_ into her ear.


	26. Here's Hopin'

The office had fallen into a quiet midday lull, or at least it had for the past hour since Stein had stepped out to lunch. For someone usually so cold and unassuming, he had certainly spent more than enough time checking on Maka under the thin guise of needing work, delivering work, or even misplacing work that was entirely not lost in the first place. Maka had to admit that the proximity was, while a bit strange, still entirely welcome and as it began to die down, she found herself glancing at the doorway.

With a boyish glint in his eyes, Star filled up the space, a case file in his hand. "Ready to see the glory that is my work?"

Maka rolled her eyes but a smile still broke through the end as her hand leveled across her desk. "I'll take a look - make sure it's mistake free."

"As if I would make a mistake," he scoffed as he plopped the file into her hand.

She had little motivation to reply as the name caught her eye, and suddenly she was staring back at her own information weaved so perfectly into law and accusation. A tiny corner of her screamed to close the lid shut but instead her fingers started to rifle through pages, turning to notes and cross-identifications. It was indicative of Star's work - a bit of a mess, definitely done in a second flat, but ultimately frighteningly strong and airtight. "Sometimes you use your loudness for good," Maka murmured as she let the file drift to the desk. "Thank you."

"Again, it shoulda been me in the first place," Star replied with a huff as he dropped into the seat across from her. Besides the hug that first day in the apartment, Star hadn't been gentle with her since except for the way his voice lowered ever so slightly below the ever-present yell. "Anything else that needs to go in there?"

Maka stared at the page and another scared little spot in her wanted all of her ripped from it. "Um… just make sure to have those pictures, the ones of my cuts versus the other girls, have those blown up, don't just hand them to the jury. It has to be something they never forget."

"Sure." It was the shortest answer he'd ever given, especially as he dragged the file closer to him. "I was thinking of having you go first."

"No," Maka shook her head firmly. "I might set a tone but I think if I go last - I'll have the final word."

There was a kind of forced stillness to his face, making Maka dip her head against her palm and narrow her eyes as he spoke tonelessly, "Is that what you need?"

"It's up to you, Star," Maka said with a soft shake of her head. "I'm going to be fine either way."

"And that bastard's gonna be fucked."

Maka let a laugh trickle from her throat as she moved the hand from her cheek to her forehead, her stare finally away from the file and onto the emptiness of her desk.

"Ah, Mr. Star, this is where you've run off to."

The voice pierced to her heart and turned to an ache as she raised her head again, focusing on that dashingly poisonous smile.

"Arana, I got shit for you," Star shook his head. "Get the fuck out of our office."

"Always the shining example of professionalism," Mosquito scoffed but let the smile stay on his lips as he turned his eyes to Maka. "Ms. Albarn, it's nice to see you back at work."

"Bullshit," Star muttered.

"I don't think we have any business with one another, Mr. Arana." Maka let her eyes shoot to the open space in the door.

"Nothing formal but just well-wishes for your recovery."

"Bullshit," Star repeated as he let his chair clatter back as he got to his feet. "You know damn well-"

"Star," Maka corrected sharply, hearing him suck his teeth in reply. "If you're done, Mr. Arana, please leave."

Mosquito exchanged one last look between the two of them before his smile slyly slid further across his cheek. "I'll see you both in court then."

"That fucking-"

"Star," Maka chided again, this one warbling slightly. "Take your file." Her finger tapped the folder forcefully as she sat back in her chair, just stopping her fingers from reflexively going to her back as if the wound could have reopened, as if that's what the pain and fear was.

"Maka…"

"Just give me a minute?" She used the hard finger to move to a smooth wave, motioning him towards the door.

Star followed the movement glumly with his eyes before he sighed. "I'll take you home tonight."

"Sounds great," Maka murmured.

He huffed once more before grumbling out the door and slamming it behind him.

Maka sucked in a slow breath, once again refusing her fingers the right to move over her body. Instead, she drifted them to the phone, lifting the receiver and cradling it to her ear. They moved for the tried and true memorized number but she let out a weak laugh instead, hitting her finger to cut off the dial tone. _He's not there. He's at his new place. He's the boss there and me calling him…_ That weakly warbled in her mind before she looked at the sticky note on her laptop and moved to type in the new number.

"Lieutenant Evans," came on the second ring, half a sigh accompanying it.

"Hey," Maka murmured.

"Oh, hi." There was a shuffle, a deep breath to wash away the business tone before his regular calm shone through. "How's it feel to be back?"

"Are you sure you have a minute?" Maka tried to refuse the squeak but it was there and her fingernails scraped against the desk in reply.

There was no hesitation and she could practically hear the smile on his lips, "As many minutes as you need. They're still too scared to snoop on me yet so as soon as I pick up the phone nobody even looks my way. I give it maybe another week."

"Then… can you just…?" The words got away from her, that shakiness settling in to mute them.

And even though he wasn't running to her rescue, wasn't kicking and screaming that protectiveness, the next words from his mouth enveloped her completely. "Hey, Maka, you're alright. It's gonna be tough, it's gonna feel tough, but it'll come back to you. Plus, I love you. Don't forget that."

"Yeah," Maka exhaled, pushing the rest of that oily feeling out as she let his words settle.

"You're going to be home early tonight though," a sweet little chiding lilt slipped into his voice. "No getting lost in the pile because I've got a craving for pizza and you know you hate to eat it reheated, or hell, I'm hungry enough I might eat it all before you get home."

"That's a threat," a laugh drifted from her lips, slowly killing that pain in her chest.

"You know it," he echoed her before sighing sweetly into the phone. "Need me to pick you up tonight?"

"No…" Maka let her fingers relax, no longer clenching into the desk. "Star said he'd drive me."

"Look at him, turning into a mother hen," Soul's chuckle rang loud and clear that time.

"Trust me, he'll probably use the time to brag about the case some more," Maka was able to produce at least a modicum of exasperation. "Um, I won't keep you anymore."

"Don't worry about it." His voice fell low and for the first time, she heard it quiver, his swallow almost audible over the line. "It's the only thing I can do for you right now and…"

"It's enough," Maka answered with a smile. "It's all I needed." She envisioned leaning into him, letting her forehead meet his, and feeling the way his hands would instinctively come to her face to administer the softest touches from rough, calloused fingers. "I love you. Now hang up before they do get too interested. I can't wait until the first nosy officer asks why you have that goofy smile on your face right now."

"My smile's not goofy," he grumbled. "I'll see you tonight. Dinner. No later or you're in trouble."

The line clicked before she could register a complaint as if she had any.

* * *

Soul hung up the phone, letting his hand rest over the receiver as if waiting for the tone again, her voice again, another tiny piece of assurance that he'd done the right thing even though his gut was telling him to get on his jacket and run to her. _No, you're protecting her the right way. You give her strength and the rest she's strong enough to do, remember?_

"Lieutenant?"

"Uh, yeah, sorry," Soul uttered in quick succession as he took the file that was now hovering over his desk. "Thanks." He popped it open on his blotter, pen falling to the right lines - he'd never signed his name so many times but that seemed all this new job ever was, one piece of paper after another.

"Was that your wife on the phone?"

Soul felt the heat hit his neck just as much as the feigned annoyance to his face. His eyes darted up to the amiable young officer - he lacked Liz's confident glare, more of a friendly inquiry than trouble brewing. "Girlfriend," Soul offered in a short clip.

"Oh, sorry," the young man laughed it off as he held out his hand to take the paperwork back from Soul. "Just you made these faces just like Sergeant Brosh when his wife Maria was pregnant with their first kid-" The young man tried to replicate the evolution of facial features and Soul's eyebrows raised at both the nerve and the accuracy. "So assumed wife."

Soul was lost in the scenario.

His lack of reaction had broken the dam, Soul's idea of a week's more anonymity going up in smoke, "I mean, we all heard you were a star detective, right? Real Dick Tracy kind of guy and mostly those don't climb the ranks unless they're starting a family, since I can't imagine paperwork is your favorite thing."

Soul let his eyes dart to the file and then back to the young man. "Yeah, well," Soul could only manage as a reply, the heat in his collar now threatening his cheeks while the hold on his regular apathy started to become tenuous.

"I see the rumors about you being verbose were right on track, too," the man chuckled. "Alright, sorry to bother you, Lieutenant."

He cleared his throat, leaving the trembling behind, "You weren't wrong."

"I'm sorry?" The man stopped mid-turn, eyes batting inquisitively at Soul.

"Nothin'," he grumbled quickly. _Just don't worry about thinking that. It's not too far off. Or at least here's hopin'._


	27. Interlude: Best Friends Forever Texts

" _You sure you're taking her home?"_

" _ **Look who's calling who a mother hen"**_

" _She tell you that?"_

" _ **Ear to the door"**_

" _No way - she didn't have me on speaker"_

" _ **She used the office line"**_

" _Fucking CREEP"_

" _ **Fucking SAP - I lOvE yOu - DoN't FoRgEt ThAt!"**_

" _What's with the caps? You having a fit?"_

" _ **Nah, that's your sappy voice, all up and down and BuLLsHiT"**_

" _Is there an emoji for breaking your legs?"_

" _ **You should be using the emoji for bowing down!"**_

" _Just bring her home before dinner"_

" _ **What - you got something planned?"**_

" _Dinner"_

" _ **Can't get enough - Soul, you dog."**_

" _Asshole"_

" _ **Soul, seriously, are you at least showing her a good time?"**_

" _ **Like you need some pointers?"**_

" _ **Girl's been through enough doesn't need bad in bed too"**_

" _ **Soul"**_

" _ **Soul"**_

" _ **Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooul"**_

" _I'll kill you"_


	28. Secrets in the Dark

Technically, he hadn't been waiting by the door for her, just in the kitchen which was awful close to the entryway which allowed for an almost immediate sprint to just about the threshold and then an easy, nonchalant lean into the hallway. Maka's face, as she walked through the door, was reward enough, that beautiful glowing smile just at the sight of him, but she graced him by immediately slipping into his arms, nuzzling to his chest. "I have a message for you."

Soul was terribly busy running his hands over her back and into her hair that he barely had the cognizance to utter the word. "Yeah?"

"Star is still available for pointers."

Soul groaned.

"And ' _I'll let you off the hook tonight but bros before hoes, bro.'_ "

"Idiot," Soul muttered.

"That you somehow love." Maka shrugged under the welcome weight of his fingertips before pulling her head away enough to look up at him. "Do you need pointers, you think?"

Soul scowled, "Do I?"

"Star seemed very adamant-" That trailed off into a squeal as he hoisted her up, sweeping her legs out from underneath her since he couldn't imagine ever holding her over his shoulder again and this was not the time he wanted those flashbacks in her mind or his. "Soul!"

He grunted a reply.

Maka was barely keeping herself from erupting into the giggles, legs uselessly kicking in the air as he barely negotiated the hallway. "The pizza!"

"Can wait," he grumbled.

"But I don't like it cold." The complaint was half-hearted, her arms circling around his neck as she leaned forward to get her lips close to his ear. "He also might have mentioned-"

Soul trapped the sentence on her lips with his, stopping just before the bed. "No more Star," he growled.

A small smile shimmied across her lips. "You didn't tell him."

He dropped her onto the bed as his first reply before huffing, "You woulda killed me."

Maka pulled up on her elbows just in time for him to sink his knees into the bed, leaning over her. "But he's your best friend."

He smirked, "Doesn't change the fact that you woulda killed me."

"But not even a kiss, anything?" Her forehead was scrunching as she searched his eyes.

"Why would I?" Soul tilted his head slightly, letting his forehead tap to hers. "Wasn't happy with what it was so I didn't want to talk about it. Star and me, we only bitch about angry stuff, never about bad. Sad's kinda off-limits for us."

"Why?" Maka pressed but still let her hand run down his chest, tempting the skin at the edge of his shirt.

"Just not the right guy for that," Soul answered easily. "Guess that's why the doctor worked. Didn't have anyone to talk to about sad stuff before."

Dejection still populated the sigh from her lips, "What about me?"

"It was _about_ you," he grumbled. "Listen, one question at a time."

"Which question?" Maka's eyebrows unfurled and climbed up her forehead.

"Do I need pointers," he muttered as he once again cut off any more from her with his lips. Maka could almost laugh at all his gruffness because as soon as it came down to kissing he was as tender as could be. If she had to have a favorite part of their evolution it was this, the beautiful way his calm was entirely unlocked by the fact that she was no longer rushing to an end and finding joy in his lingering.

As his mouth finally released her to start a slow meander down her neck and his hand grasped needily into her breast, Maka let a sweet sigh escape her lips before the words, "Soul, you're not making me feel better."

He froze mid-caress, a stunted breath fluttering from his mouth to her neck. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Maka met that pained twinge of words with a calm, steady voice, "We're not going to have sex because I'm worried, or I need you to fix how I'm feeling." She ran her fingers through his hair, feeling an even breath replace the other one along with a soft brush of his lips. "I want to because I haven't been able to stop thinking about how you looked in your Lieutenant's uniform when you dropped me off today."

He sputtered out a laugh as he slowly raised his head, bringing those red eyes level with hers. "My blues?"

Maka nodded, "You looked handsome."

He snorted another laugh, still slightly incredulous. "If memory serves me, _somebody_ called me a stiff the first time she saw me in uniform."

"A clever cover-up for being completely in love," Maka smiled softly before catching the surprise on his lips with a quick peck. "I kind of blushed when you came out at your academy graduation."

"No fucking way," a little awe-filled chuckle followed.

"I can't help it if you are absolutely blind to how much I fawned over you." Maka planted a few more lingering kisses, letting her fingers searching through his hair as a contented sigh left his lips.

"I _do_ want you to feel better," he murmured.

"I feel fine."

Another sigh came shaking and lengthy broke between them. "When you called today-"

"I wasn't," Maka cut in easily, "but we talked, and now I'm home with you, and I'm fine."

He pulled away, looking for the surety in her face and finding it with an untempered smile that ate up her cheeks. "Can I make you more than fine?"

"I thought that's what we were doing," Maka laughed. "Because only that makes up for cold pizza."

"And I gotta prove that jackass wrong," he muttered into her shoulder before giving her a hint of teeth, making Maka's laugh hiccup into a gasp.

Maka wanted one of the million smart quips she'd come up with on the walk up but his searching hand was forcing them all to fizzle, drifting away with the breezy thoughts of his skin against hers. He was quicker this time, less involved with the worry of undressing her and with a blossoming love of it, peeling away her sweater to get to buttons that both frustrated and excited him. Maka let him turn his head to concentrate, needing eyes for the line down the front of her dress shirt, and took advantage of the vulnerability of his neck to return the favor of his nibble.

Soul grunted, "Keep doing that."

Any order from him was rare so Maka jumped to it, pleased at the contented little grumbles it elicited from him. His hands finally sunk under her shirt, heating the skin as they trailed along her side. It devolved into a simple back and forth, leaning one way and then the next on the bed to allow each to strip bare, to get to the part where Soul had started to just latch on to her, refusing to press further before he could soak up all the warmth of her skin. His kisses were slow, diligent, steadily insisting to keep her at his pace. Maybe someday she would take the reins from him again but for now, all of her just wanted to sync with him, to allow for all the time pushed away.

* * *

"Ah, the Lieutenant's uniform," Mira raised her eyebrows with a keen smile.

"Yeah," Soul coughed out a laugh in reply as he moved past her towards his usual seat.

Mira didn't waste any time, barely letting him sink into the chair before she started, "How are you adjusting?"

"Fine," Soul could actually offer an easy roll of his shoulders. "It's… kinda borin'. Guess that's nice in its own way."

"More desk work," Mira laughed softly.

"Yeah, it's…" he cleared his throat. "It's…" The anxiety fiddled into his fingers, making them jitter over his knees. "It's _alright._ "

Mira nodded with a little flick of her chin for encouragement.

"I just… I thought it was all going to blow up in my face," Soul rushed out the words, letting one set of fingers move to his hair and smooth it back. "My life - all of it, but the job… and Maka…" A shaky laugh left his throat. "It's all OK. I know - _what do they call it_ \- there's some kinda honeymoon period and maybe-"

"No catastrophizing," Mira cut him off quickly with one threatening finger. "First, the job, you've settled in - your coworkers are alright?"

"Settled. And they're… nosy but OK," he let another weak laugh follow.

"And Maka?"

Soul took a breath to strum his fingers against his leg again before starting again. "She's back at work. I, uh, think she's OK - Marie talked her into seeing somebody, too. Didn't think to suggest you because-" he passed a hand between the two of them.

"No, that wouldn't be appropriate," Mira smiled.

Soul nodded. "And just… it's different but at the same time kinda the same."

Mira let that settle for a moment, let him chew over any last ideas before posing the next. "What are you doing to make it different?"

"What's that mean?" came with unfurled eyebrows.

"Well, originally, both of you struggled with honesty," Mira offered.

A grimace hit his lips, "Tellin' her stuff."

"Yes."

"Well…" A warbling sigh broke his lips. "She brought it up again - that I don't talk to her about the sad crap. But I tried to explain that it was _us_ I couldn't talk to her about because, well, you would think that's kinda obvious."

"I don't think your relationship is the only subject we've broached."

Something like a sick trill of defeat bubbled in his throat. "OK, but… why?" The word was desperate on his lips, painful to let pass his teeth. "I just… people don't want to hear about your bullshit, right? That's why you make so much money."

Mira snorted a laugh. "You're making it a lot less complicated than it is, Soul. Anyone off the street, probably not, but the woman who loves you wants to share in your successes _and_ your failures."

"Why?" he almost bleated. "I spent my _life_ burying that stuff - tucking it the fuck away because fucking heaven forbid Mom get a whiff of it, hear I fucked up or _worse_ that I just _felt_ fucked up…" Soul couldn't catch his breath to continue, his hand finding its way to his chest to desperately clutch there.

"You have to breathe, Soul," Mira reminded gently, watching what had been a man a moment before starting to crumple into the little boy underneath.

The exhale came with a moan before he forced in more air to give life to the only word living in his head. "Why?"

"A lot of reasons," Mira let that same, even tone drift into her voice. "It's important to know and understand where your partner comes from - knowing their hurts help you navigate future situations with care and consideration. Also - and I think this might more be the case - to soothe. Everything you've built up hurts you, Soul, and Maka is obviously very aware of that. While I have a feeling before it might have been a distraction from her own pain or the pain you two were sharing, I think as you move forward you should start to determine a healthy, mutual way to share the good _and_ the bad."

"What if it hurts her?" he offered back weakly.

"Then you talk about that," Mira urged, "because things will. It's about _not_ stuffing this down, hiding all this hurt away too."

Another weak grunt left his lips before he let his hand slide to his neck. "Fuck," he muttered.

Mira tapped her pen as she let him recover his breath and maybe a little bit of sense. "Do you remember what you told me about Maka when she was at your mother's?"

"She protected me," he murmured.

"And don't you think that makes her capable of protecting your secrets?"

* * *

The room was entirely dark, only thin wisps of light peeking at the seams of the curtains that Maka hadn't drawn closed perfectly. Normally, Soul would have complained but it was a needed distraction in the inky night that hadn't afforded him a wink of sleep. "Maka," he finally let the name that had been threatening on his lips for the last few hours loose.

She hummed a sleepy sound.

He sighed, resigning himself immediately to his mind storming away in this waking nightmare until she rolled over, green eyes slowly blinking open.

"What's wrong?" Maka didn't bother with a whisper, the words just as forceful as if she'd said them at noon.

His lip curled desperately in his teeth before he forced the air out. "I…"

Maka slid closer in the bed, hiding him from her glare and letting her focus on the thumping of his heart.

Soul couldn't help but feel like she was holding up the entirety of him, a second rib cage that kept his heart from skuttering away. "I'm doing this wrong," the words trembled and scratched in his throat.

"What's _this_?" she murmured across his chest.

"I don't think this is what the doctor meant," he barely blurted.

"Well," she sighed softly, "try it out and we'll find out."

A shaky breath lifted her on his chest before the words sunk her back down. "I don't remember a time when she didn't hit me."

Maka's head instantly lifted and she propped up onto her elbow. Her hand pressed into his bare chest, holding his heart in place. "What?"

"My mom," he hated the whimper quality. "You wanted to know how many times. I don't have a number."

Her fingers flexed against his chest, her lip quivering wordlessly as she stared.

"You're the…" his voice quivered and broke, but he forced the rest off his tongue. "Remember when I hugged you that night - when you told me about the divorce?"

"Yes," she breathed.

"That was the first time I'd hugged somebody - somebody hugged me since… maybe I don't have a number for that either."

As she blinked, a hot trail of tears tilted down her cheeks.

"Hey, don't do that," he murmured, the pain momentarily squashed by his own need to soothe as his hands came up and rubbed over her cheeks.

"That's not OK, Soul." None of the words seemed right but it was the only bit she could manage before another spill of tears.

"Yeah, I know," he nodded slowly, swallowing back the burning in his own eyes, "but… you're gonna protect me, right?"

Maka waited for him to clear her cheeks for a second time before nodding into his palm. "More than that," she urged as she laid her head on his chest again, bringing her arms around him as well as she could. "Every day. Oh, Soul, _every day_ I'm going to make sure you know what it feels like, what _this_ feels like because… you deserve this. You…" Maka fumbled in her rage as her fingers tightened on him, willing her own fierce aura of protection around him. "It's not fair, it's not right."

"Yeah." Even with all her squeezing his breath seemed to come easier to him. "But I… thought somethin' that day at Mom's and I think I'm right."

"What was it?"

"None of it matters if I've got this."

Maka's sigh was a bittersweet mixture of relief and melancholy. "You're never seeing her without me again."

"Yes, boss," he chuckled lightly.

With a soft kiss to his neck, Maka whispered, "Thank you for telling me."

Soul nuzzled his face into her hair, taking in her scent and her warmth without any more words within his grasp.


	29. Her List

Hustling around those marble halls wasn't strange to Maka but wandering them made her stomach tie in knots. With each clacking step, her heart echoed as she made her way to the courtroom. She'd interrupted that closing shuffle, the sound of folders flapping and briefcases closing rattling around the room but it all sunk into white noise next to the beat of her heart. It was only the back of his head but the vision of him walking up the stairs, the phone pressed to his ear was the scene painted over it, bringing forth that hot slide of the knife into her back.

There was another ghost at her side, another whisper in her ear that didn't come in a hiss but a gentle whisper. _I've got your heart._ There was a sweet warmth that came with it, a feeling of his fingers wrapped in hers even if all she could close hers around was her palm. It diffused the ice that threatened as Giriko turned his head to Maka as the deputies started to drag him back to his cell. That predatory smile slipped across his cheeks but as Soul continued to murmur in her ear, Maka sent a grin right back.

Maka was entirely not prepared for what that did to Giriko, the way it bubbled rage from his neck to his cheeks to the tip of his ears until his whole face was red. He bucked against the guards, making Star snap his head to attention and follow the line of sight to Maka. Star was immediately in the aisle, blocking Giriko's view as they finally dragged him out the side door.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Star barked.

"What, I'm not allowed in the courtroom anymore?" Maka produced an easy shrug as she watched the door hide away the last of that spikey hair and her old memories.

Star already had his phone out, thumb searching through contacts.

"Don't text him," Maka warned as she attempted to swipe at his phone.

"I can text whoever I want," he huffed as he snatched his phone just out of her grasp. "And why the hell shouldn't I text my best friend when his girlfriend is-"

"Girlfriend, huh?" Maka interrupted the complaint with an even more satisfied turn to her smile.

Star lifted an eyebrow. "Isn't that what you are?"

That complete pleasure was tumbling into her heart, forcing all of the pain to an almost silent hum in the background. "Surprised you caved and used the word - I thought you weren't happy."

"For _you_ ," Star scoffed, "but Soul deserves it."

"He does," Maka agreed sweetly. "So, what's the timeline looking like?"

Star pursed his lips for just a second before shaking his head dismissively. "They didn't have jackshit for a case for dismissal, and even fucking less to delay, but…" His eyes trailed over to Mosquito who was still wasting time by tapping papers against the desk.

"Mr. Arana," Maka called with such an innocent lilt to her voice that Star's grimace deepened from the saccharine sweetness.

"Oh, Ms. Albarn." He finally dropped the excuse of shuffling papers and turned his full attention to the two of them. "I didn't imagine you'd be here."

"Well," Maka offered her hands out innocently. "I may not be _trying_ the case but I certainly will have to be here eventually, won't I? I was actually wondering, Mr. Arana, did you plan on cross-examining me? Your office hasn't even called to schedule any interviews or anything."

"We have the police report, Ms. Albarn." Mosquito's smile twitched at the corner, threatening downward.

"Don't you want to see if I'll break?" she cooed, a cold edge to that pleasantness that was the final shot to Mosquito's smile. "Don't you want to torture me the same way he did? Because something tells me Arachne likes you both for that reason - you're both willing to break people for her. So why aren't you coming for me just as hard as Giriko did?"

Star snorted, a smirk growing as Maka took a step forward.

Her chin hooked upward at him as she smiled. "I mean, I thought that useless visit to the office meant you were actually going to try - or have you realized what Giriko should have, that _no one_ wins against us."

"You're spending too much time with Mr. Star," Mosquito hissed. "That accusation is completely unprofessional."

"No, that's right, you're the professional," Maka nodded thoughtfully. "And as a _professional_ courtesy, let me tell you," one more step brought her right to the edge of the gate and she leaned into it, negating the distance between them, "If you're planning something, _anything_ , for me or for Soul, you should get it out of your mind _now_. That goes for inside the courtroom and out." She didn't give him time for an answer, turning on her heels and throwing a quick glance at Star before pertly starting the walk back down the aisle.

Star's smile lifted as his eyes trailed from Maka to Mosquito with a pleasant chuckle. "Good luck - you're going to fucking need it."

* * *

Maka left early - a fact that made Stein's eyebrows raise dramatically for the first time since Marie told him she was pregnant.

* * *

Soul entered the apartment to spine-tingling utter silence. Honestly, he had expected as much since he technically was getting home at a decent hour, but the fact that her bag sat in the entryway forced that anxious rush through his veins. "Maka?" _Reply, reply, reply,_ something in him begged.

"You're home early!" came a joyous call from the living room that brought breath back to his lungs.

"So are you," he chuckled back as he slipped off his boots and made his way towards the voice.

"Because…" She held the vowel until he turned the corner, her arms outstretched in that Vanna White pose to add pizazz to the plethora of food on the table.

Soul couldn't help the laughter as he leaned into the doorframe. "What's this?"

"Bribery," Maka stated happily. For a moment, his stomach dipped to his toes and as the grimace sparked on his face, Maka lifted her hands in innocence, "Hear me out first before you make that face!"

He slid a hand over his mouth, muffling the reply as he hid the discomfort, "OK."

"I need you to read _my_ list."

His eyebrows arched upwards as his hand dropped away uselessly. "You… you made one?"

Maka's nod sprung into life as she motioned him forward. "And… I think it might be asking a lot so…" She swiped again at the spread.

His steps made her wonder if the floor was booby-trapped, the way he took time and care to reach her before hunkering down on his knees. "Maka, I…" his voice tapered off while one of her hands played with the buttons on his shirt and the other reached under the table to produce a neat, definitely not finger-worried sheet of paper.

"Just read it, and then…" Her shrug to punctuate screamed noncommittally.

His eyes dipped slowly to the sheet.

" _Marriage, yes, someday, just remember the death do us part thing, cheating = death."_

Soul snorted a weak laugh.

" _Kids, yes, max 2, both of us take time off more"_

He used his free hand to wrap around hers, ending the nervous movement of her fingers and forcing them to feel the reverberation of his heart dancing in his chest.

" _Always in the same bed - never apart, even fighting - maybe we_ should _fight more, or really, more talking, less secrets (we're getting better at this) - kiss me when you drop me off at work, if you drop me off - maybe meet for lunch once a month, even though we're kind of far for work - no more apartment, a house, 2 bathrooms! more room for us"_

His throat bobbed in a slow swallow but it didn't kill the tightness, making him sputter for a minute before eking out. "Still don't get what the bribery is for."

"The last one…" Maka pinned her finger to the line. "Um… I… well," she sighed deeply. "I want to say I don't want to move too fast, but I think about you and me and… we've been doing it wrong for ten years but it's still been ten years, right? We've both changed, grown, and in the end, it's been you and me. But _big steps_ ," she afforded herself another moment for a deep inhale, "I want to start with that one. I don't know how to split the financial stuff, and I have _some_ saved up, so I'm not just going to be dead-weight when - _if_ we look for a house, but… Soul, I…"

"Not an _if_ ," he shook his head softly as shut his eyes to pull in a long breath.

"I'm not saying you have to decide that now," Maka murmured.

"You sayin' I _can't_ decide now?" Soul was pulling a veil over his words, the even tone creeping in to keep his thoughts to himself.

"I'm saying…" Maka's finger glided towards his hand to clutch it. "I want you to be sure, but I also… I want to decide by the time the trial's over. Star's going to push it for the full six months and with all of Mosquito's motions I'm sure it'll take almost a year for it all to settle but by then… I think _I_ want something new for me, too, and this is part of it."

"So you're bribing me to think about it."

"Yes."

Soul leaned onto his elbow as he flattened her list on the table between two take-out containers. While he didn't necessarily want to unravel from her fingers he did, using the now free hand to reach into his breast pocket and take out a pen. "Two bathrooms and what else?"

"What?"

"While I'm thinkin' about it," he muttered with eyes focused on the paper. "What else about the house?"

Maka's fingers tightened into the seam of his shirt, threatening to pop the button. "Really?"

"Really." He kept lazy looking red eyes on the paper but she could see the corner of a grin starting.

"Three bedrooms…"

"Four," he corrected quickly.

Her eyebrows jumped up, "My list said two kids, and max did not stand for a name."

Soul chuckled, "You need an office. For bookworming."

For a swift second the gravity of that sucked her in, planting her even more firmly to the spot. _He just knows. He always just knows. Like he knows me better than I know myself. Of course I want an office, but never in a million years would that have been the first-_

"Built-in bookshelves." He didn't write that but started scribbling the pen in the margin as if he were about to draw it. "Probably can't _find_ that but I could build it."

"You think?" Maka whispered, still trying to regain her breath from another puzzle piece to the realization that she was everything to him.

"Yeah, just gotta have the right wall," he nodded along with his own logic. "Maybe two and a half bath."

"That's smart…" Maka leaned closer and let her head rest on his chest, her eyes still watching his scribbling on the paper over the curve of his breath rising underneath her. "I want a bigger kitchen."

"Agreed." Another scrawling wandered over the paper. "Big yard."

"You want to mow that?" she asked with a soft laugh.

"S'fine," he shrugged.

"If you say so…" She closed her eyes, pressing her face a little more into his shirt, catching the still loveable scent of all-day-Soul. "Closer to my dad."

A grunt resounded under her ear.

"If… if there's kids, it'll be nice - he's retired, so being closer means he could watch them…" Maka realized that trailing off came with a suck of breath, holding the air in her lungs as a buffer for his reply.

"Not an _if_ ," this one came with slightly more of a tremble but not cracking from insecurity but the wave of an idea taking him. "If you want it and I want it… well, the right time comes along and we'll make it happen. Not right now, but… it's nice to talk about it. It… feels so damn good to talk about it." Those words crumbled as he moved a hand to sink into her hair, to pull her from her hiding place so he could press desperate lips to hers.

She savored it, letting him press until it fizzled to just lingering brushes. "Hey," she murmured.

"What?" Soul pulled away enough to catch those jade eyes sparkling at him.

"I love you," Maka grinned. "And… I'm just, you're right, it feels good to talk about it, to plan. I mean it, Soul. Six months and then a home and whatever else, just as long as it's with you."


	30. Permission

"Oy, Albarn, Stein wants to see you." Star should have been standing in her doorway, knocking like a sensible human being, but instead, he was screaming down the hall, head hanging out of Stein's office.

Stein grimaced, "And once she gets here close the door on your way out."

"It's my case," he squawked.

"And it's still your case," Stein let his lips slip into a sardonic smile. "But I'll talk with her alone."

Star sucked his teeth as Maka turned the corner.

"Thanks for the announcement," she grumbled at him.

He only huffed in reply before following Stein's orders and let the door snap closed behind her. "Maka, have a seat."

She was practically there by the time he asked, straightening her skirt with fingers trying not to be nervous. "I think I can guess."

"Don't," Stein's warning was still jovial. "The Giriko case. I'm not going to offer a deal."

"What?" The word could only sputter from her lips because that hadn't been the reality she assumed she was sinking into. " _Not?_ " she questioned incredulously.

"No," Stein's smile relaxed with the words. "I think - thanks to a lot of _Lieutenant_ Evan's legwork and your digging - we have a strong enough case against Arachne that it won't be necessary to _need_ Giriko to turn on her."

Maka shook her head slowly, " _Need_ , maybe not, but _should-_ "

"I believe it would be more advantageous to show that element exactly what happens when they come after the law," Stein's stony note came with the still stretch of his grin.

"Are you…" Maka narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't tell me you're doing this for _me_?"

"Yes and no," Stein answered easily. "Again, the case against Arachne is strong as is and my preference is that Giriko not get any leeway. Whether that's partially personal or not…" His shoulders rolled effortlessly.

"Marie is rubbing off on you," Maka teased.

"Oh, please, don't accuse me of that," he sighed softly. "Especially since I'm about to ask you to get back on the Arachne case with Star."

Maka rolled her bottom lip through her teeth before tentatively answering, "Wouldn't that be a conflict - with Giriko, that is?"

"I told you, the cases will be separate," Stein nodded thoughtfully. "If you're worried about it you can decline."

"And if I do?" Maka raised her eyebrows.

"Well, more of the bottom of the barrel cases," Stein chuckled roughly. "I can't promise you anything interesting."

"Maybe I don't need interesting right now," Maka added a wistful sigh before allowing a smile to grace her lips. "Give me a few days?"

"Of course." Stein eased back in his chair, eyeing her thoughtfully. "How are you doing anyway?"

"Fine," she pressed quickly.

Stein didn't accept the diversion, "Star said you had quite a conversation with Mr. Arana."

Maka rolled her eyes before huffing, "He's an ass."

"Which one?" Stein replied with a chuckle.

"Both," Maka allowed for a small laugh to follow. "But… I won't allow anything to hurt us anymore. Including a slimy defense lawyer."

Stein let amusement drift across his lips again as he broke the study of her face to toy with the papers at his desk. "Think about taking the case, Maka, or perhaps… well, maybe it's time to take up old hobbies again."

Maka pondered that for a moment before narrowing her eyebrows at him, "You mean writing?"

"You did do that particularly well in college, didn't you?"

"It was a _hobby_ ," Maka answered incredulously.

"I seem to remember Spirit huffing and puffing about his progeny writing the next great American novel…"

"Don't start," Maka grumbled.

"I'm saying you could make time for that," Stein shrugged, "if you choose not to take the case. Choose to maybe settle down a little…"

Maka scoffed, "Now I _know_ Marie is rubbing off on you."

* * *

Spirit opened the door and his eyebrows scuttered up his forehead.

"Hey," Soul snipped shortly.

"Ah, mop-head," Spirit chuckled. "Want a beer?"

"If you've got a second," Soul shrugged.

"Plenty of." Spirit waved him in and Soul eased along the hallway that he knew well, making the usual first stop to the kitchen. While neither would admit it, this wasn't necessarily a strange occurrence, all nicknames aside. "Back porch?"

"Sure." Soul headed for the door, hearing the clack of the fridge and the clink of bottles before he headed back out into the air that was only slowly crawling away from winter. He hugged his jacket tighter around him and slumped into one of the rocking chairs, letting his eyes linger out into the backwoods.

"Maybe I should have gone with whiskey," Spirit grumbled as he edged out of the door, offering a brown bottle to Soul. "Winter's not giving up."

"Eh, we've been in worse," Soul gave half a grin.

"'Course," Spirit laughed as he took the seat next to Soul, starting the chair back and forth with protesting creaks. "So, what is it, mop-head? Maka OK?"

"Fine," he paused to let the malty liquid spill over his tongue. "Just - here." Soul scrounged his phone out of his pocket and, after a couple of clicks, handed it off to Spirit.

He looked down at the illuminated screen, a slightly outdated living room staring back at him.

"You gotta swipe with your finger," Soul chuckled.

"I'm not a dinosaur," Spirit snapped back. Each picture was a new room, most in need of some cosmetic updating but nothing completely tragic, just empty-looking, waiting to be filled and perfected as a home. It was the last one that brought him pause. "She's gonna flip."

"Yeah," Soul laughed. "I, uh, when I reached out to Cheryl's friend Tina - she's a realtor - I told her not to bother me unless it was somethin' perfect. Maka's still got it in her head that I'm supposed to just be thinkin' about this so I didn't want to make any big moves just yet but…"

"A study with library shelves and a window seat kind of screams perfect, huh?" Spirit offered the phone back to him with the most conflicted smile he'd ever felt on his lips.

"So I made an appointment for this weekend - was thinkin' I'd surprise her."

Spirit raised an eyebrow with a sigh. "I'm going to assume you're not an idiot and you _talked_ about this before?"

"You know your daughter," Soul smirked. "She told me."

Spirit snorted a laugh as he eased his head back against the chair. The bottle came next, tilting to bring that bitter flavor to his tongue. "Thanks for letting me know."

"Yeah, sure." Soul leaned back, plopping the phone in his lap and pausing for another sip, another little shot of bravery. "It'll take some time," the idea croaked from his lips so he cleared his throat before continuing, "the trial, the house - if she likes it, if we get it, all the _ifs_. Once it settles, I think… Nah, I _know_ I'm gonna ask her, Spirit."

It was a bittersweet feeling that crept from his gut to his heart. She'd never ceased being a little girl, but he'd long since come to settle on the idea that while he'd think of as many nicknames as he could over the years - and that would _definitely_ never change - he'd resigned himself long ago to this idea. Those two had been one since they met. A fated sort of thing. Spirit just had to go with it. "Jesus, mop-head, you can't tell a girl you love her for ten years but you can manage to ask her to marry you in what - six months?"

Soul only chuckled in reply.

"She's not pregnant, right?" Spirit narrowed her eyes at him.

Soul almost choked on his beer. "Nah, don't worry, not a grandpa. _Yet_ ," he raised his eyebrows challengingly.

"Wait a bit longer for that, huh? Just for the sake of my heart," Spirit grumbled.

"'Course." Soul took another long sip, clearing his throat for the rest. "So, I got your blessing?"

Spirit practically spewed his beer into the air with a violent laugh. "You're kidding! You're actually asking me?"

Soul grimaced, "Just makin' sure you don't cause a scene."

"Liar," Spirit accused. "You're actually here to ask, aren't you? Oh, brother, don't tell her you did this."

"Shut up," Soul hissed back.

Spirit stopped the gentle lull of the chair and leaned over, locking eyes with and smirking in the face of that irritated line on Soul's. "I'm surprised, mop-head, since when do you give a shit about me?"

"She still loves you," he spat. "Just makin' sure everything's cool because… goddamnit, Spirit, I want to do it _right._ She said it: we haven't done things right for the past ten years even though it still ended up as us but I don't want it to just _be_ that way. I want to do this _right_ and I'm gonna try every last thing I can even if it means swallowin' my damn pride and makin' sure you're on our side."

Spirit choked out one last laugh, feeling that churn in his gut again. "Damnit, you make it so hard to hate you." He shook his head as he eased back in his chair, starting the comfortable back and forth again even with its protests. "Of course the answer's yes, mop-head. She loves you. You love her. It was inevitable."

"Thanks, I think," Soul sighed.

Spirit reached out his bottle, tilting the bottom towards Soul. He eyed it for a moment before doing the same, making a sweet clink. "Congrats, Soul."


	31. Lookin' At You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is short but I really wanted it to stand by itself - I know I haven't been very sexy with this fic, so I wanted to give you some of that but also steep it in fluff. I hope I did a good job of balancing. Enjoy this little snippet before I try to bring in all the plot loose-ends.

Maka started coming home early. It wasn't actually something explicitly discussed - because while they were both inching towards being more honest sometimes things still went unsaid - but it came naturally and Soul became less and less surprised as he entered the apartment and saw her bag on the floor. Slowly, terror stopped gripping his heart, replaced by easy happiness.

So it came as no shock when he clicked his key in the lock and saw her things strewn at the entryway. No astonishment at her already on the couch, legs stretched out with a book in her lap. No consternation at her still shower-wet hair thrown up in a bun as a few wayward strands left a smattering of drips along her neck.

Bewilderment only settled in as her eyes looked up at him, that cool green glowing at just the sight of him in the doorway. Wonder gripped him as the simple motion of him leaning in the doorway and producing a smile - granted, this was one of those grins that only showed up in her presence - brought a dash of pink to her cheeks. Finally, a smidge of awe forced an extra beat of his heart as the wave of desire he felt for her at that moment didn't have to be squashed. All of it was ultimately clicking into place with the peaceful thought, _She's mine now._

Without a word, he started from the doorway.

"How was your day?" she started but found that it was as if the words had never come from his mouth, no register on his face.

Soul moved to the couch, taking the book from her fingers without much respect for pages or places, just tossing it onto the coffee table regardless of her huffing. He caught that sound with a solid planting of his hand over her shoulder, the other moving firmly to tangle in those fine hairs at the base of her neck so that her head upturned just enough for him to clasp his wanting lips on hers.

There was no question, no waiting, just his lips forcing hers apart to taste her, finding that sweet hint of amazement and letting it pique his hunger. Soul straddled Maka but as her hands came to his chest, planting rather than grabbing, he brought it all to a full but panting halt.

"Are you OK?" she murmured.

He choked out a tight laugh, "Yeah."

"Are you sure?" Maka pressed, eyes popping open to search his. She wanted to find comfort in that easy smirk on his face, the gentle smoldering in his eyes, but a tiny corner of fear still gripped her.

"I'm, uh…" He let out another weak laugh as his hand in her hair turned soft, playing instead of gripping. "You sittin' there, just… made me want you."

"Oh," that flush on her cheeks renewed at the idea. "You mean me, with a book, in my pajamas?" Maka glance at herself was tainted with confusion.

He caught that look and tempered it with another forceful kiss, making the message clear with his mouth just as much as he was going to try with his words. "The way you looked at me, and, yeah, the pajamas," he chuckled throatily as his hand drifted down, sliding along her collarbone to the start of her tank top. "Nothin' wrong with that, right?"

"No…" Maka trailed off as that searching hand hit the swell of her breast.

"Maka," he murmured before nipping at her lips again as his hands eagerly continued the motion, playing at her nipple through her shirt. "I… sorry to say I'm about to be pretty selfish."

Maka could barely pay attention to the admission, her mind in a haze from his fingers. "That's new."

"I think this _is_ new," he muttered before pulling in a shaking breath as his hand gripped at her again lustily. "Let me want you."

Her answer came as starting to brush her lips against his but using it as an excuse to catch his bottom lip in her teeth, firing that urge to a frenzy. Soul's body joined into the needing, hands and hips flexing into her as he groaned into her mouth. Maka easily acquiesced, her legs squirming until they could get around him and anchor his want. Half for herself, her fingers searched for his belt buckle that had begun to dig into her, fiddling it undone and starting on his button and fly.

Soul felt the reminiscence of the moment, the same fumbling desire that had taken him that very first night in the back of the station wagon, but at the same time, the resounding cries in his mind were the antithesis.

_Don't stop._

Maka started to free him of his pants, getting it just over his hips.

_Let this happen._

As he was determined to shimmy out of them, Maka did the same with sweet little giggles coming from her lips at his awkward struggle.

_This is never going to end._

Coming back together brought no fear or apprehension, just soft sighs and kisses filled with longing. Their connection was only broken for him to hold onto the only thing from their past, a deeply pining look as he entered her. Maka rewarded him with a glowing smile followed by a pleasant little humming groan. Soul let his lips wander along her cheek, touching close to her ear as he started his rhythm. "I love you," he murmured steadily, letting it feed the rocking motion. "I'm gonna…" that trailed off with a moan as one of her hands flexed into his ass as he hit his depth. "I'm gonna make sure you know that."

Her nails bit into his skin, clutching with fingers desperate to feel those words just as much as hear them. Soul made them ring true with each thrust, his lips brushing over hers as he panted away his passion, his muscles flexing wildly to keep steady with his need. With a fine sheen of sweat blossoming under his shirt, Soul started himself towards his end, bringing his lips to her ear to whisper whatever could manage to come to mind. A low growl of a groan finally resounded there, his body slowly sinking against hers in stark opposition to the fervor that had just taken him.

"Soul," she cooed softly.

He grunted in reply.

"That was a nice kind of different," she murmured as her fingers ran through his hair.

"I owe you one," he muttered as, against his better judgment, he continued to settle into her.

"I enjoyed that in my own way," she laughed softly. "Nothing _that_ selfish about it."

He chuckled roughly as his hands glided tenderly along her side. "Still…"

"I'll call it even if you answer one question," she replied pleasantly.

Soul tilted his head, letting it rest on her shoulder. "What?"

"Tell me why you always look at me," her eyebrows wrinkled slightly but there was still a smile on her face. "Every time. Since the first time, every time, you always stop to stare me in the face. I used to think it was you… asking for permission? But I don't think that's it."

His thoughtful hum thrummed through his chest to hers, buzzing against her heart. "Partly it," he murmured, his eyebrows matching hers with a crinkle. "But more… was always afraid I'd see you seein' me…" he let out a frustrated sigh. "Doesn't make too much sense but I was always trying to make sure you were seein' me and that was OK for you. Was always afraid someday I'd see you hatin' it and… hatin' me."

The tension between her eyes softened as she played tender fingers through his tresses, bringing it away from his forehead. "What did you see today?"

His sigh ran along her neck. "Not that."

Her lips pressed into a frown but there was still a pull at the corners. "The opposite, Soul," she chided.

He chuckled again, pausing to let his fingers dig into her skin as he tried to sink into her. "Don't leave me, Maka."

"I won't," her voice drifted soothingly towards his ear. "I think… I _know_ we're going in the right direction. Just now I think you proved that a little more."

"How you figure?" He raised his eyebrows.

Maka giggled before nuzzling her nose to his. "Because I made the same mistake as you did before. I thought you were just looking for comfort but… it's nice. Just wanting each other. We're still in love but… we're enjoying each other. Does that make sense?"

Soul hummed out in agreement as he slid his lips across the skin of her collarbone. "Is it OK if I keep lookin'?"

"I want you to," she answered back quickly as she smoothed through his hair again. "You should always see me loving you."


	32. Home Sweet Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since I've poured all my angst into Since We Met, this is getting most of the sweetness...

Maka absently played with his fingertips since Soul had been so generous as to allow her to take his hand from the center console. Of course, his eyes remained diligently on the road, but the pads of his fingers tapped much-deserved attention into her thigh. "You never said where we were going…" Maka started.

"Do I have to?" clipped playfully at the end of her sentence.

"It's fishy if you don't," and while she tried to produce some kind of hesitation she found herself laughing instead.

"Then I'm fishy," he shrugged.

She allowed it for the rest of the trip up until the car slowed and her eyes hit a familiar woman leaning against the gate, a 'for sale' sign blaring brightly next to her. "Soul-" Maka started but the jolt of the park of the car and the squeeze of his hand on her thigh paused it.

"Listen," he tilted closer to her, red eyes intent on her face. "Not sayin' this is it, but I gave Tina the dream specs and said if anything like _that_ came up that she should let me know. So, normally, I woulda given this a little more time but…" he offered a weak roll of his shoulders. "I want you to be honest today if you love it, got that?"

A wrinkle started between her eyebrows, "I thought I told you to _think_ about it."

"Yeah, I did," he chuckled softly. "For a whole five minutes before the answer was pretty obvious."

Maka sighed.

"Don't be stubborn," he chided as he gave her leg one more squeeze before pulling his hand away.

She barely acquiesced, staying for an extra minute to settle into the seat and watch him saunter out of the car. Her eyes followed the two as they exchanged pleasantries before Soul gave her a sideways glance, forcing her to finally slip out of the car. "Hello, Tina," Maka chimed.

"It's nice to see you - it's been a while." Tina had all the warmth that Cheryl did, meaning there was no hug to be had, just a decently bright smile to spell out there wasn't any animosity.

"It has," Maka exchanged the same grin as she approached them. "How is Cheryl?"

"Same as always, overworked but at least _over_ paid," Tina laughed at her same old joke before sweeping a hand back at the house. "But let's talk about better things. Traditional Victorian with a few modern upgrades, including a new master suite on the first floor…"

As Tina continued, Soul smothered the joy of watching Maka's eyes ticking off those mental boxes. He refused to smile, even when her eyes slipped over to his and produced a pout - her stereotypical refusal to utter the words "you were right."

Tina finished the traditional spiel with, "Would you like to go in?"

"Ladies first," Soul bowed out as he waved a hand to motion up the steps.

Maka dutifully rolled her eyes at him before following Tina who was already making the trek to unlock the door. "I'm supposed to show you the study first," Tina tossed the maximum amount of playfulness she could manage into that statement as she turned the lock. "So forgive me for rushing you through the living room."

"The study, huh?" Maka tossed back at Soul before leaning closer to him. "And we can afford this?"

"Yup," he nodded solemnly.

Maka barely let the affirmation drop from his lips before she was jumping on it, "And how is that exactly?"

But Soul only offered a shrug. _The real answer? Because I've been savin' for this my whole damn life. I thought I was a sap, that this was a pipe-dream but I saved for it anyway and now…_ It was almost entirely futile to keep his cool and the only way he managed was to slip his hand into hers, sending a squeeze to spell out the beating of his heart.

Tina was going through the regular motions but it was hardly necessary as he watched the utter wonder start to spread across Maka's face. The walls that housed the windows, one set staring out into the expansive backyard while the other left a decently distant scene of their neighbors, was lined with built-in bookshelves, creating little nooks at each window that had been outfitted with plush seats. Natural light was in abundance and while the room was one of the smaller ones, it was more cozy than cramped. Maka was nodding along with the history Tina was spouting so Soul eased back, slipping from the study into the living room.

He could still hear the pleasant chatter as he reached the window, spying out into the neighborhood and soaking up the quiet of it. This was a far cry from the city, with hushed distances between houses and no traffic besides the occasional kid on a bike. _Kids. Definitely some young ones, so that means… more families like us, right? Or like what we_ could _be as soon as…_ He let the nervousness tap out on the windowpane with his finger but a smirk was still pulling at his lips.

Until the second car pulled into the drive. He saw the blond head bob out of the driver's side door, and while he was glad it wasn't the bloodshot and puffy eyes, his teeth still found the inside of his cheek to gnaw away. Soul forced slow and steady steps to the door before easing it open, walking out onto the porch, and pulling it shut behind him. "Thought Tina sold houses by herself."

Cheryl sighed, "Well, to be honest, if you would answer my calls I wouldn't have used this as an opportunity to ambush you. Plus, using my girlfriend as a realtor? Soul, you're smart enough to know that means I'm privy to all this information."

"Guess there's no such thing as realtor-realtee confidentiality," Soul huffed. "Listen, shit's been difficult lately, I'd appreciate it if-"

"It's about your mother," Cheryl cut in quickly and he recognized the force blankness on her face as the one he often wore.

Before he could stop it, the words welled up from his mouth, "She OK?"

"The same," Cheryl replied with a tired sigh, "but when I went over to see her she said _some woman_ had stolen you away from her."

A bitter laugh eked through his teeth, "And what does that fucking matter to her? Or to you, Cheryl? You here to tell me I have to take care of her? That I'm not allowed-"

"God, you are _just_ like your mother with the fact that you _never_ let anyone get a word in edgewise before you blow. Shut up for a second and listen, Soul," her voice was laced with demand but as her arms came in front of her chest Soul noticed her holding herself instead of crossing them. "I _never_ wanted to be a mother. I knew I wasn't capable and that's why I never had children, so when you came and moved in with me I was absolutely incapable of being that for you. Not to mention, you were a teenager and you weren't exactly interested in having one anyway."

"But where I failed you so badly was-" Cheryl faltered and closed her eyes to suck in a breath before forcing out the words. "I failed you when I ignored what my sister had done to you. She told me- told me that she was in the middle of grabbing you when that young woman, who I can only _hope_ was Maka…" she paused long enough for Soul to nod, "Pulled you out of the situation. It's pathetic, it really is, but it wasn't until I had to hear that someone had to _save_ you that I realized that I had missed a thousand opportunities to do the same."

Soul jerk as he heard the door open behind him, wide eyes flicking to Maka standing there with worry plain as day on her face. His gut screamed to tell her to wait in the house, to get away, to keep herself clean from all of this dirt being flung, but instead, he reached out a desperate hand and she took it, clutching tightly as he brought her to his side.

"And it means jack-shit to say it," Cheryl let out a dry laugh, "but when Tina said you reached out to her I thought maybe, just maybe I could make it up to you. Or, really, I know that's bullshit, too. How do you make up for letting your sister destroy a little boy? I mean, I _knew_ what was happening to you and I just…" She shook her head, another bitter breath squeezing through her teeth. "Look, I don't want you to see your mother again."

"What?" Soul spat.

"Just what I said," Cheryl pressed as she took a step closer. "You don't see her anymore. You stay with Maka and you let someone else worry about your mother- like maybe your _useless shit_ of a father," came as a fierce hiss.

"It's not like I need your permission," the fight started on his tongue but the words ended in a weak drift as his hand clutched tighter in Maka's.

"No, you don't, but I assumed since you've never stopped that maybe you needed someone to tell you to. So stop, Soul, stop seeing her, don't take her calls, and I won't tell her when you move into the house." Cheryl smiled softly as Tina squeezed in behind Maka, making the steps down to wrap a comforting arm around her. "And you're going to get the house - I mean, unless you hate it, of course, but then some other house - because Tina and I are going to help you. The down payment, that is."

Soul's jaw clenched.

"And don't say _I don't want your money_ ," Cheryl jumped in quickly, "since I know it doesn't absolve me of guilt, and I'll still be up at night thinking about the way I helped to ruin your childhood, but I want you to have a new start. A better one than I gave you before."

"Could you give us a minute?" Maka's voice rang clear past him and before he could even add or look at her he felt the tug back into the house. She didn't give him a second, just dragging him up the staircase and onto the second floor, bee-lining for the closest bedroom and closing the door behind them. "I'm sorry, I just-"

Soul pulled her back, getting her in range so he could sink his head into the crux of her neck.

"I wanted to scream at her," Maka murmured with a trembling rage but her fingers still came soft and soothing to run through his hair and down his back. "Why now? Why do _anything_ after turning your head for so long? Why-?" She cut off with a frustrated sigh, pressing the end of the air as a kiss against his neck. "So I… needed to get away before I did that. Before I put my big fat foot in my mouth."

He chuckled weakly.

"Soul," she whispered with a sweet desperation that came next through her fingers as they weaved into his hair. "I want you to do whatever feels right for you but…"

The silence hung for a moment, Maka carefully chewing over her words but as Soul's hands finally found enough life to grip at her, pulling her body close to his, he whispered, "Do you like the house?"

Maka snorted out a weak laugh, "You have good taste."

"But do you _like_ it," he pressed.

"I love it," she murmured back, "but it's too much, Soul."

"Nah," as he shook his head his face nuzzled closer into her skin. "It's just enough. Somethin' nice. Somethin' we deserve."

"But just because Cheryl is willing-"

"Her money doesn't make an ounce of difference," he urged as he finally lifted his head, red eyes staring sternly down at her. "We could do it with or without- it's up to us and I'm askin': Do you want the house?"

"Do you want the house?" Maka tossed back.

Soul sighed as his hands gripped her hips to give her a gentle shake. "Maka _fucking_ Albarn, answer the question."

"Yes."

"Then you're getting the goddamn house," he murmured through a grin that started to eat up his cheeks. "And… I'm gonna let Cheryl do whatever the hell she wants mostly because… Maka, like I said, it's something we deserve, OK? All of the bullshit, all of the pain, I just- I want it to be over. I want to be happy. With you and that's it."


	33. Moving Forward

"Soul."

At the sound of his name, Soul finally surfaced from his paperwork. "Harvar, please tell me it's time for that beer."

"I'm technically not here," Harvar snipped the joke in two as he placed solid hands on the edge of Soul's desk. "Is there somewhere we can talk?"

"Yeah." He didn't bother to trail eyes around the room, looking as innocuous and bored as he could manage with Harvar unyielding in front of him. He stood, waving a hand forward towards the first of the conference rooms. As soon as he entered he snapped the blinds shut and Harvar let the door clap closed. "So what are you not here about?"

"Too many eyes have been looking at your file," Harvar muttered as he scraped one of the chairs against the floor far enough so he could collapse into it.

Soul worked that sentence over for a moment between his clenched jaw before sighing. "But what's written in there is what _you_ wrote."

"Yes," Harvar echoed his release of breath. "And I think that's what's kept any hell from breaking loose but I want to warn you."

"About what?"

Harvar flicked up a finger. "You need to keep your nose in paperwork and paperwork only."

Soul tilted his head as he leaned against the wall. "What's that mean?"

"I'm saying-" Harvar cut himself off with a fist to the table, tapping it until a second finger popped out. "Keep going to that goddamn shrink- she can speak to your frame of mind."

"My what?" Soul spat.

"They're looking at you," Harvar pressed back. "Looking too hard like they're trying to find fault even though I've made it clear in my report there is none. I wouldn't be surprised if trial time comes around and you're painted as some jealous lover who shot in a rage rather than-"

"He fucking stabbed her!" Soul couldn't check his bellow but the breath after he only forced as a hiss through his teeth.

"And I'm sure Star can point that out, but remember that there only has to be reasonable doubt." Harvar shook his head before tapping out another finger. "And I wish I could tell you _not_ to be in a relationship with Ms. Albarn-"

Soul bared frustrated hands between them. "We're buying a goddamn house, Harvar, there's no _not_ being in a relationship."

Harvar paused, eyebrows raised, "Congratulations."

"Yeah, thanks," Soul muttered. "Sorry, just… can't say I wanted more stress right now. Give me a scale of one to ten."

"A six," Harvar sighed, "but I told you I'm coming _before_ trouble. They're not looking to prove Giriko innocent, just _you_ guilty. And I trust Marie, I know you do too, but she's not the entire brass. There are pockets to line. So keep your nose as clean as possible for now."

"Too bad for them I'm boring as _fuck_ now," Soul managed a weak chuckle. "Desk, home by five, a shrink, almost a house, a… a girlfriend."

"Albarn finally wore you down?" Harvar gave the closest thing he ever did to a smile, just a slight curve to that bottom lip.

"Wore each other down," he laughed dryly.

Harvar stood slowly. "Well, keep it that way, but be ready when they get you on the stand. Stick to the story you told me."

Soul shook his head with a grin, "Not a story, Harvar. The truth, right? Boring as anything."

"If anything changes, I'll be back." Harvar nodded as his closure before reaching for the door and turning the knob.

"Hey, Harvar," Soul caught him halfway out, his face no longer visible in the doorway but at least an ear left to listen. "Thanks. I appreciate this."

"We're friends," Harvar answered simply before he was gone.

Soul sat in the silence, counting a few heartbeats before reaching into his pocket and sliding out his cellphone. He clicked the contact and waited through a few humming rings.

"You have reached pure awesomeness, how do you plan on worshipping today?" came the oddly comforting bravado from the other end of the line.

"I'll buy you a beer tonight," Soul grumbled.

"Oh, ho, ho," a cackling fit of laughter followed. "You mean Albarn is letting you off the leash for tonight?"

Soul snorted.

"Seriously, though, you're practically an old married man- is she busy or somethin'?"

"You're acting like I've forgotten my friends," he muttered back. "Harvar came by."

"See, it's the case," Star groaned. "Can't we just have fun? Get plastered and chase some skirts?"

" _You_ can get plastered and chase skirt," Soul sighed as he leaned back against the chair. His leg slid out far enough to tap the door shut again. "They're lookin' at me, Star."

A scoff echoed in his ear, loud and sharp. "You don't think I already know that? Look- I'm a fuckin' genius, so give me a little more credit than that."

"Didn't say you wouldn'ta guessed, but-"

"Guessed?" Star snapped. " _I know_ ," he grunted back. "Look, they're going to paint you as the unhinged, jealous lover-cop who used excessive force. You entrapped Giriko, set him up with Albarn, and _blah, blah, blah_. Harvar, the fucking worry-wort, is afraid people are going to line pockets- I bet- but big fucking deal. We've got cold, hard evidence because while you're an idiot, you were smart enough to record that meeting with Giriko, right?"

"Well, yeah," Soul mumbled.

"You remember, the one where that _asshole_ asks if she's loud?" The hiss in Star's voice was the one echoing in Soul's heart. "Not to mention that moron's phone records and enough character witnesses for you to turn you into a saint. So if this beer is for anything other than us having a goddamn good time then you can fuck off."

"Shoulda known," Soul chuckled.

"Damn fuckin' right," Star crowed. "Trust me, I'm not as head-over-heels as you, but nobody fucks with Albarn and gets away with it. Those fuckin' pictures, Soul. If those aren't enough to purge any other thought than putting a needle in his arm, then that jury has no heart."

A desperate sigh fluttered over Soul's lips before he let his eyes hit the ceiling. "If they don't, Star…"

"Again, trust me," Star stepped over his words immediately. "I got every last thing I need. So that beer tonight- let's celebrate that damn house. You got it, right?"

"Just about," Soul let a grin hit his lips. "Just waitin' to hear back about the bid."

A warm laugh, contagious from Star's lips to his echoed between them. "Fuckin' beers on me then."

* * *

Maka woke up to Soul creeping around the room as he undressed. "How was your beer?"

"Shit, sorry," he muttered. "Can't be quiet to save my fuckin' life."

She snorted a laugh as her fingers reached out of the sheets, gliding across the top to smooth towards him. "No, I'd rather you wake me up. Come here."

"Gotta shower," he muttered as he tossed his pants into the hamper, leaving him in only his boxers.

"Just for a second," she murmured back, hand now hovering above the bed for him.

He sighed softly as he put a knee on the mattress, letting her fingers graze his chest. "What is it?"

Her fingertip danced along the grizzly white start of scar tissue. "Was tonight… about us?"

Soul's eyebrows raised slightly, "You mean was I havin' girl-talk with Star about you and me?"

Maka hummed out a tentative affirmative.

"Uh," he stretched out the sound. "Sorta? Had a weird run-in with Harvar today, warnin' me about the trial-"

"What about it?" Maka was jumping to attention now, sleep the furthest thing from her mind.

"Nothin' big." He settled on the bed so he could get both hands on her, one caressing her arm as he dipped the other into her hair. "Somethin' Star already took care of. Just showin' some friendly worry, which is nice of Harvar. But if you're worried I was dishin' about our sex life or somethin' to Star you can forget it. Can't say he isn't nosey, but…" Soul dipped closer, letting his forehead touch hers. "I honestly like to keep us between us, Maka. I don't want to go runnin' my mouth to anyone else because I kinda feel like I kept this from you for so long that you're the only one who deserves to know how I feel about us."

Maka knocked him senseless as she threw her arms around his neck, squeezing him to death's doorstep.

"What's this about?" he muttered as his hands searched her back, feeling the tremor in her shoulders.

"It's so _weird_ ," she managed to yelp before another shudder of sobs took her.

"Hey." Soul's hands were edging towards panic, his palms searching for a seam so he could pull her away and see her face but finding her glued to him. "Did somethin' happen?"

"No," she urged back, "and I guess that's what I was thinking about. Just- we haven't fought since that night."

"No reason to," he murmured as his fingers played through her hair. "You wanna fight?"

"No," a weak laugh finally broke through her tears. "But- and this sounds terrible, I know- but this is too easy, right? Everything's too good and _something_ has to be wrong and-" Her fingers dug into his skin, anchoring him to her with no hope of release. "Are you happy?"

"'Course I am," he sighed. "Hey, let me go. I want you to see my face." Soul tugged at her arms to settle her back on the bed, letting him get his hands on her cheeks to clear away the tears and focus her eyes on him. "Maka, I'm happy. Are you?"

"Yes," she murmured before taking in a stuttering breath. "And I don't want to fight, it's just… aren't we supposed to?"

He chuckled, "Fuckin' damned if I know, Maka. Thought we went over this- neither of us has been with anybody else so…"

"But we used to fight," Maka sighed back.

"Yeah, when we were lyin' and keepin' things from each other," Soul shrugged. "Easy to fight then when neither of us was honest, but… you promised different, you promised us, and you've kept it. Just like I have so, no, we're not gonna fight like we used to."

"I'm sorry…" She leaned into him, planting her forehead on his shoulder. "It's not like I didn't trust you like I thought you were talking behind my back, but…"

"I haven't always been big on telling you when I'm unhappy," he nudged his cheek against her temple. "So I get it, but next time, ask before you stir yourself up into a panic like this."

"Because we're honest with each other." Her fingers tenderly touched over the line of his scar again, forcing him to tangle them in his to stop the tempting drift. "And you're honestly telling me you're happy."

"I'm gonna be happier if you let me go take a shower and then get back to doin' that with your fingers," he whispered huskily against her ear.

She pulled away to show him a smile before tucking it against his, her lips lingering as he cleared away anything left on her cheeks. "This is working. We're… together, and it's all fine. I can't say nothing's changed, but all the changes- they're _good_ changes. Things that needed to happen."

"That sounds more like you," he murmured sweetly over her lips. "Remember, let me be the worry-wart, OK? Let me panic about whether or not you're gabbin' away to Liz and Tsu that I don't kiss you enough or bring you flowers or some stupid shit."

"Let me guess, Liz has been texting you?" Maka let the playful chime back into her voice.

"Non-fucking-stop about my level of romanticism and I just don't fucking appreciate it," he muttered but let it turn into another brush of his lips to hers.

"I'll take this over flowers any day."

"I want that in writing," he grunted before finally pulling away from her. Soul let his eyes roam, touching all the spots the moonlight was hitting her through the window, making her frame haloed. "One last thing, and then I'm gonna shower."

She smiled softly as she tilted her head to watch his eyes continue to skim over her. "OK?"

"I shoulda done it years ago," he let the words ride out on a sigh.

"That's not allowed," Maka ordered as she tapped his chest again. "Because we both know we can't do anything about what's already happened. We're moving forward, that's what's important. A house and then… well, whatever comes after that." The sweet blush on her cheeks urged his heart towards a roar.

"Forward, yeah," he murmured uselessly. Soul stole away her fidgeting fingers, bringing them into his. Running his thumbs over her knuckles didn't abate the thunder of his pulse. "You, uh, gonna stay up for a little?"

Maka nodded as she squeezed his hand.

"Thanks." He released her and slid off the bed, making his way towards the door. There was that distinct feeling of her eyes on him, so he paused, turning back to see her sitting on the bed, arms circled around her knees as her chin rested to watch him. The question sat on his lips but her face was already giving him the answer. _Everything, that's what comes next._


End file.
